Could this have happend

[jibi07]

Im 40 years old but have strange memories from when I was little like 5-6 maybe I slept at my friends house in her bed with her.... I remember her dad sneaking in telling me to be quiet he wanted to rub me but I don't remember where I just remember waking up the next morning naked and scared caus I don't know how it happend....... That was not the first time..... When I was 13 my uncle slept over my moms half brother..... He wanted me to sleep on the floor with him I layed there my back to him I felt him put his arm around me n pull me in closer and I could feel him pushing up against me...... I was terrified I think I just fell asleep woke up with his arm still around me!! My question ..... How do u deal with these memories.... Y did I let it happen? Now in my 40's it's more n more on my mind!

Thank u

[allmymarbles]

Your suspicions may be well founded. Accept it and put it where it belongs - in the past. There is nothing you can do about it, and nothing you can change.  It is unfortunate that so many women suffer these indignities. One wonders it that will ever change.

[specialmom]

Yes, I agree.  The first episode, you were very young.  Your question, why did I let it happen?  Well, I'm sure you know plenty of 5 and 6 year olds and now see them as innocent babies.  

I would suggest you see a therapist.  Not because you will have any true answers unless you are willing to confront your uncle or if you still have contact with that friend's dad---  but to discuss your own feelings surrounding it.  It is okay to explore the past with a therapist with the goal to put it behind you.  

Being emotionally healthy now is what is important and if these scattered memories are hindering that, see a therapist and explore the subject to put it behind you.  peace

[RockRose]

When two isolated incidents that happened decades ago are "more and more on your mind",  it's time to figure out why you're dwelling on this.

Has something happened specifically that makes you revisit these two events?  Is there something going on in your life that you're afraid will happen (a daughter reaching school age,  for example)?

[overopiates]

No disrespect rockrose but ur response isnt really the right thing to say&makes no sense n this situation.NO MATTER HOW LONG AGO THIS HAPPENED it IS still something that will affect someone many yrs later without any triggers or anything happening NOW to make her or any abuse victim to be thinking of it or bwing upset.Abuse affects a lot of us more later n life as our minds tend to either block it out or push it to the back of our minds until we r strong enough mentally to confront,deal&be able to move past it.I think therapy would benefit u a lot.This is/was NEVER ir fault,u didnt let it happen.U were an innocent,scared child that was preyed upon.Its sick and wrong but THEY were aick&wrong not u.U jeed to get some help to realize and genuinely accept this as others fault&u r a strong woman who cam move past it knowing that.Until u get there this will haunt u at least n the back of ur mind.Please get someone who is qualified to help and u will be surprised how much wieght is lifted.Good luck.U r n my heart and prayers

[overopiates]

oh and its more and more on ur mind most likely because u r ready to confront and move on.Even of u dnt realize it u r emotionally ready to get past this&stop blaming urself because u know deep down this wasnt ur fault u need the tools&knowledge on how to let it go(whatever u feel pain,guilt,shame,sadness etc).

[jibi07]

Hi guys thanks for your replies..... I'm not dwelling on these incidents .... But often think about them because I guess I don't understand them and often wonder if these r the thing that started a lot of turmoil in my life.... Maybe not I don't know..... But I may see a therapist to talk about it....... Thank u!

[specialmom]

There is actually some validity in rockrose says.  We can all have opinions here and help in our own way.  I'd guess that something IS going on now and that these memories are surfacing more.  It would be helpful for the poster to think about that and will guarentee that her psychologist/therapist will explore that.  

I think jibi07, you sound like you are on the right track.  To be open minded to how to move past this by looking at then and now is really helpful to getting to your goal of a more peaceful state.  good luck and let us know how it goes.

[RockRose]

I agree with SM,  jibi,  that you are on the right track.

Something about "started a lot of turmoil in your life" -

It sounds like something has really come to a head,  and now you're trying to work backward to explain the current turmoil.

You may never fully answer why the path your life has taken has led to some turmoil.  In my experience,  it's not that important to know WHY I've made some choices I wish I hadn't,  but rather,  to live life forward and make a decision to change behaviors.  

It's not that important to me to know WHY I picked the loser first fiance I had,  who was wretched and abusive,  it became important to me to change that attitude and not choose men like that again.  Why I did it,  I don't know.  I could guess.  ;D  Like you can guess what caused you to take some turns that resulted in turmoil.

Best wishes.

[overopiates]

i know what I actually agree w/RockRose n the last post she made I misunderstood what u were saying n the other post.I was just saying it doesn't necessarily take a new traumatic thing to start dealing with abuse BUT ur last post makes total sense so sry if I came off rude

[Nighthawk61]

I think these things are on your mind because you are ready to deal with them, you may be good and ready to GET MAD about it, i was.(but it was physical abuse, and i don't think that is as bad for a person as is sexual)

I made some of the choices in my life that hurt me terribly, and while I admit that I was the one making the choice, I know that my baggage, my perspective, had a great deal to do with these choices.  Sometimes it's imperative to make someone else accountable as well

Grieving your lost innocence is healthy and leads to growth and peace. May you find that peace. I'm sorry you're feeling down.  It can never harm to talk to a therapist, even if it's only on line. Good luck to you and God bless you. Liz