update on babysitter abuse case

[benjimom]

I posted a month or so ago about my babysitter being turned in by a neighbor of hers.  Well, the investigation is done and she admitted she threw my son down on the floor and now she is being charged with child abuse without injury charge.  There were questions of whether she took a shower with my son as well, they could not get her to admit that and she was supposed to take a polygraph this week, but her attorney recommended she not take the polygraph, so that is a done deal. I will never know if she took showers with my son or not.  I don't know if I should just keep quiet about things and let it go.  We are using another babysitter obviously.  THe detective also said that she had my son calling her "mom" and she felt like he was her "son".  

Then she lied as well to the detective saying that she told me she did not want to watch my son anymore.  THat's not true.  

But I guess since she lied about throwing him down, it's hard to know if anything she said was true or not.  Feel really like I've been manipulated!

[allmymarbles]

I am so glad you got back to us, and I am sorry the accusations were valid. That is not good for anyone.  As for the new baby sitter, you might want to make unscheduled visits home, just to make sure everything is going well. You probably checked references, but abuses, like the one your son experienced, might not show up. I was also a working mother, but I was lucky. The caretaker was a nice woman and she lived in. She became part of our family.

[benjimom]

I just hope the courts do not let her manipulate her way out of this with the help of an attorney.   She lost her temper and lost it bad.  

Yes, it does make you wonder, who can you trust???  

He seems to be okay and did okay with talking about why she can no longer care for him and that what she did was wrong. I made it factual and did not make it an emotional thing, etc.  She can't do that to children and it's against the law and now she has to go to court about it.  She admitted to the detective about it, I assume he got her on tape admitting it. He wanted her to take a polygraph, but she would not do it.  She said her attorney told her not to, this was in regards to the "shower" issue.

[specialmom]

Well, I am just really sorry.  She clearly has no business caring for children whether as a babysitter or a teacher.  She had a meltdown and lost it.  Ridiculous.  Someone that can't control themselves need not be around kids.  I hope that she is formally found guilty of all charges and her record is forever tainted.  Forever.  She deserves it.  

It sounds like you had a good conversation with your son.  Now I'd try to move on and keep reassuring him that he'll be safe.  He's doing really well.   Watch for signs of trauma which include acting out, hiding things or regression as well as sleep disturbance.  But I think he is going to be okay.  

Man, we trust our kids over to someone and it is a leap of faith.  I'm sure this scares you have to death now when you leave him.  One rotten egg can ruin everything.  May she get the full penalty for her actions and may you and your son have peace from now on!

[benjimom]

I talked to my son about it yesterday more. He admitted she made up a story for him to tell about it, she tripped over the cat with him in her arms and they fell and he laughted, he said he did not really laugh.   I told her if anyone tells him not to tell Mommy something ( not like a present or anything like that) then that's not okay adn mommy needs to know.  It's not ok for adults to say things like that to himand it's not okay for people to lie because then trust is broken.  

I totally wonder now if a lot of things this babysitter said was untrue.  Some of the things she would say I questioned even before this, so they were probably lies too.

I explained to him that she had to go to court about it and was being charged with child abuse and that he was never going to go back to her.  He said one day not long ago, he was happier with his new babysitters.


I found out the actual whole story. I talked to the mom who reported.  She sadi the babysitter has been hitting her door into her car door. They live in a townhome, so close quarters.

This is the story:

He did something to the cat and she felt like my son hurt the cat, so she picked him up and threw him down on the floor to make him feel like what it would feel like. He got up and hit her on the leg, he was MAD of course and she made him sit in the corner and then got a can of silly string and sprayed it on him.  Then she made the 9 year old girl that was there spank him and then she called her mom (babysitter's mom) and she yelled at him over the speaker phone.  

THis women is trying to be a teacher. I hope she cannot plea bargain down her charge and get a lighter charge that will not show up.  

[specialmom]

Benjimom, I am so sorry to be reading this.  You and I have corresponded a good deal about your son as he has sensory integration disorder just like mine---------- and hon, this was the last thing you needed to happen.  You have had such a rough year and your son has been making progress------------  I'm so mad at that babysitter.  

I think a psychologist might not be a bad idea.  I think making home a safe place to talk is something we all work on with our kids.  Who knows----------- maybe she made scary threats if he told you.  So pushing him may make it hard.  Give him lots of love and work on him feeling safe in the world and eventually he may open up to you.  But a psychologist may help him feel safe.  

Ugh, I'm just so sorry this happened.  You're a good mom.

[kenneltech]

I would like to suggest that you get your son into therapy.  He may not seem affected by this now, but believe me, it will rear up and bite you both in the *** a little later.  I don't know if you are already doing that, but I strongly suggest it, and make sure it's a child therapist.  I wouldn't press him about anything anymore, he is going to have to deal with what has already happened, if he wants to say anything about the shower, etc., let him tell you in his own time, or a good therapist knows how to approach these subjects.  Good luck to both of you, and oh yes, I speak from experience.

[benjimom]

I am not sure how much to push it. He denies it.  But I'm sure theother girls reported it as happening and then she admitted it to the detective. She goes to court in Dec. for the charge.

[RockRose]

benjimom,  good that you now know.  

I would be a little concerned that even with gentle pressure,  my son wouldn't tell me what happened.  Have you now told him she admitted throwing him on the floor and that in cases like this you need to hear the truth?

Best wishes.  This is hard.

[teko]

I am so sorry about what you have been thru, but at least now she has been caught and this whole thing may have spared someone else the same ordeal. People like this really should not be watching children. Anyones children. It is sad, but thank god someone dared get involved and the truth came out.

[margypops]

Thank you for the update and I am glad your son was vindicated from lying. I am always inclined to believe what a child says , .it is behind you now  you protected your son, you had doubts oryou wouldnt have come here, time to accept what happened and move on, be aware from now on as I am sure you will be . good luck