How Do I Bide My Time?

[salix288]

I'm a 28 year old who has had a rough time of the economic downturn, as I graduated right in the midst of it recently and was unemployed for quite some time, have hefty student loans to pay back, and am now working two jobs that barely support my ability to even have low-rent apartment in this area, so had to move back in with my parents. I'm not the only one in my area that has had to do this, I dated someone around my age in the same situation. Except in my situation, I have already been quite depressed by being stuck in this situation for quite some time now, and my parents are quite abusive. They twist everything into the most negative, unrealistic way - for example, tonight I asked for a space heater as it's been so cold, and instead of a simple yes or no, my mother with the most vile, snarling tone, tells me if I had one I'd just use it all the time, all night long, and raise the electric bill to astronomical amounts. This came completely out of left field, I have never even been allowed to use a space heater in this house. Of course, this made me angry, and after an already extremely stressful day, I could not stop myself from reacting, which only leads to being screamed at by both parents about how I never do ANYTHING (despite that I work way more than both of them), how I don't pay enough $ to even live here (they act like my money should be theirs to do needless things with the house - with a few months rent from me they bought a TV they otherwise could not afford) despite that I can't even afford to live on my own with the low-paying jobs I have here, that I am disgusting trash, that I make no effort to clean my room (after I've already been told probably hundreds of times that I don't even live here), to shut my mouth when I am here, that I have no right to defend myself, everything gets twisted as if I say insulting things to them in the first place when I have to tiptoe around the house...I've also been told I don't do certain things to help out when I have done those things multiple times, then I get yelled at that I have an attitude when I say it's not my fault they are so unappreciative in the first place that they ignore the things I DO help out with. They also claim I am here mooching off them and demand things, when I've told them multiple times to STOP doing things for me, such as buying me stuff, making me dinner...

I could not help but to go through my stuff and throw out anything I've gotten from them tonight, because it's become so obvious everything given to me is out of obligation, not love. I've heard nothing good out of them about anything I have ever done. I'd be surprised if they could even love a single other human being, I've never seen it from them once. I think they should consider themselves lucky I'm not a junkie, or criminal, didn't get pregnant when I was a teen, etc etc. I've done everything RIGHT, and the world has crapped on me recently over and over, and then they turn around and make it thousands of times worse.

How do I even handle this? I don't have relatives here I can live with, and few friends that are in a situation to help me out. A friend of mine in my field of education took a non-traditional path of jobs that I now see feasible, I just have to throw my resumes out there. My full-time job offers EAP, I've been thinking of finding a counselor through that, and then when those visits run out, see one through my formal health insurance.

Sorry this is so long, but I have been living here like this without ANYONE to talk to about it for too long, and I'm so tired of the extreme rut. What the heck should I do? I feel like giving up and just believing their crap.

[motherofsons]

Hello,

    Get on craigs list and look for living arrangements that you can afford.  Write back if you need more help.  But don't be a victum.  Parents of birds shove their babies out of the nest!  So think of it this way.  Here is a great life experience.  Stop looking at what your parents are doing or not doing.  FOCUS on your SUCCESS  get moving. MOVE OUT!  With love

[margypops]

I am sorry you are having a bad time many are at this time , but you know I have learned that nothing stays the same and there will be better times ahead, you have work so thats a good thing. Now I do think at 28 you could have a place of your own, and visit your parents , so why not start looking for something, maybe even share with a like minded person then you only be paying half rent.,Then you can have your own space heater ,by the way you can make your life better no one can do that for you,its in your hands .Some counselling may help you ,talking things through is always a help you get another perspective on problems . Good luck