Aa
I'm not really sure how to word this...
I've just finished school and am starting a new job on Thursday, working in a boarding kennels. My goal is to get into a vet practice and train to become a vet nurse. I have a few pets, and have grown up around animals.
Fair enough, nothing out of the ordinary there. My mum is not the biggest fan of animals, but she eventually caved in to my sister's and my consistant begging for pets. A couple of years ago she decided we were old and mature enough to look after a dog. So we adopted one from a national animal welfare charity. Shortly after that I was deemed too unstable to cope so was admitted into an adult psychiatric ward, less than 2 weeks after my 16th.
I'm rambling now. My point is that I am literally obsessed with my dog. If I could I would be at the vet every time he sneezed. But it has got to the stage now where my mum is threatening to get rid of him and my other pets, and I won't have a roof over my head any more.
I hate leaving him in the house while I attend appointments or go to school/work. I am paranoid that if I leave him in the garden without watching him someone might steal him or let him out, and I won't be able to find him.
I have anger issues and that affects the way he behaves, and he is now aggressive with other dogs. When I cry he licks my tears, he cries at the door when I go out until I come home, and at night neither of us can sleep unless the other is next to us.
It is seriously getting out of hand now, I can't focus on anything unless I can see and hear him, which is obviously a growing problem with the fact that I will be out working long hours soon.
Any suggestions or general feedback is much appreciated.
Thanks
Fair enough, nothing out of the ordinary there. My mum is not the biggest fan of animals, but she eventually caved in to my sister's and my consistant begging for pets. A couple of years ago she decided we were old and mature enough to look after a dog. So we adopted one from a national animal welfare charity. Shortly after that I was deemed too unstable to cope so was admitted into an adult psychiatric ward, less than 2 weeks after my 16th.
I'm rambling now. My point is that I am literally obsessed with my dog. If I could I would be at the vet every time he sneezed. But it has got to the stage now where my mum is threatening to get rid of him and my other pets, and I won't have a roof over my head any more.
I hate leaving him in the house while I attend appointments or go to school/work. I am paranoid that if I leave him in the garden without watching him someone might steal him or let him out, and I won't be able to find him.
I have anger issues and that affects the way he behaves, and he is now aggressive with other dogs. When I cry he licks my tears, he cries at the door when I go out until I come home, and at night neither of us can sleep unless the other is next to us.
It is seriously getting out of hand now, I can't focus on anything unless I can see and hear him, which is obviously a growing problem with the fact that I will be out working long hours soon.
Any suggestions or general feedback is much appreciated.
Thanks
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I am struck by two things you mention. First, your difficulty about leaving your dog for any period of time without worrying (intensely, I gather) about his well being; second, your “anger issues.” As far as the first issue is concerned, I have two thoughts about what may be going on. It is possible that your self esteem is wrapped up in how well you care for your dog. At the same time, given the intensity of your fear about your dog's safety when he is out of your sight, I get the sense that you are experiencing intense separation anxiety, and you're identifying with your dog when you leave him alone. In other words, and I realize I'm saying this without all the facts, but I wonder if you have had trouble with separation before (as an aside, we all struggle with this, some just deal with it more smoothly than others), and you imagine all the bad things that could happen to him just as you may have worried about the same things about yourself when left alone.
As far as the second issue, the anger, I'm not sure what to say, though I think that it is worth talking to someone to try to understand what the anger is about, as you indicate that your dog has picked that up from you. Given that you have also ended up in the hospital for emotional issues previously, I would strongly recommend that you talk to someone about these issues, if you aren't doing so already.
As far as the second issue, the anger, I'm not sure what to say, though I think that it is worth talking to someone to try to understand what the anger is about, as you indicate that your dog has picked that up from you. Given that you have also ended up in the hospital for emotional issues previously, I would strongly recommend that you talk to someone about these issues, if you aren't doing so already.
Yeah that was quite rambling...
What I meant to say is that although we have always been close, as the year has progressed and I have left school, my dependance on my dog has become more intense to the point where it is a serious problem - please help!
What I meant to say is that although we have always been close, as the year has progressed and I have left school, my dependance on my dog has become more intense to the point where it is a serious problem - please help!
Hi, I'll try to help with some suggestions but of course only you know the full story. Read your post before but did not have time to respond as was going out, so also had a bit of a chance to think. I like to help people on this and other forums where I can.
Firstly, you're not rambling, you are actually quite clear. I note that you have been assessed as having mental health problems in the past and am sorry to hear that. Ideally it would have been looked into at the time whether your problems are because of a chemical problem in the brain, or more to do with personal issues. To me you do not sound like you are talking in a mentally unstable way, but mental illness, like any illness, is tricky to assess without knowing the person.
There are so many factors here. You are barely out of your adolescence, and with that stage in life come naturally so many pscyhological changes that in an older person would be considered abnormal. Your brain is growing and adjusting to its adult state, and it is a tough time, all adults remember and know how hard it is. On top of that you have been considered unable to cope and put in a psychiatric ward. I feel for you, at your age you need to cut a little slack to behave and think abnormally, it's part of the teenage experience. There is a fine line though towards psychosis and/or risky behaviour, and maybe at some point you crossed that line. It doesn't necessarily mean you will never again be normal.
You recognize you have a problem, that in itself is a sign of relatively good mental health, but unlesss you solve it you may decline into a worse state, so you are doing the right thing seeking help.
What you are asking to do is to change your behaviour, and there are many psychological methods which can help you with this. You may and do sound like a good candidate for cognitive behavioural therapy, which is a forward looking technique to teach you to change how you respond to situations. If you are already under the care of a psychiatrist, I would hope there would be little problem getting a referral.
Looking at the cause of your problem, that may be more complex, and something that you may or may not want to explore at a later date. I would make my priority now changing the future first, before delving into the past. but it's your choice. Maybe for you your dog represents some love and acceptance that you feel lacking in other areas, and you are terrified of losing that. Just a theory.
I am a great dog lover. They are pack animals, and once they have accepted you as their pack leader, their devotion is lifelong. I can fully see the attraction of the unconditional acceptance and adoration of a pet dog, although I have never owned a pet myself. But the brutal fact is your dog is an animal, and with all your love for him you also must understand that his life is relatively short, he may get hurt, he may get ill, he will eventually die. When you become a vet nurse you will be working with animals who have suffered terrible abuse, painful conditions, harmed other poeple, need to be put down. Loving animals involves loving creatures who's lives are short and who do not always behave or respond well. One more downer, as your dog learns from you and takes on board your rage, as you have seen he becomes aggressive, because he adores his master and wants to be like you. As an animal though he may not be able to control his responses, and the worst case would be if he harmed another person because he felt threatened. You would lose him permanently.
Please get behavioural therapy, for your dog as much as yourself.
Regarding your mother, you need to see things from her side. With a house of animals who she may not feel so strongly for as you there comes extra work, expenses, damage to furniture, even allergies. This is her home, and she is not I believe trying to be cruel, but just to get you to behave more reasonably regarding your pets. Maybe you could compromise, and agree to put some of them into other good homes or shelters. You can work voluntarily at these shelters in your spare time and so have ongoing contact with your animals.You also need to consider whether the needs of these animals are best being met at home. They may have clashes of nature for example.
When you are older, and living independantly, you may choose to keep many animals too. You will certainly understand what a monumental task it is caring for several animals. If your mother is doing a lot of this she has every right to complain!
You have a lifetime ahead of caring for animals. Right now you need to care for your own mental health, your behaviour, your relationship with your mother, and then for your pet. It will be upsetting to give away animals, or to become less possessive over your dog, but you need to go through this to be more in control of the life you have chosen.
I hope you find some suggestions here helpful, and look forward to the day you qualify as a vet nurse.
Firstly, you're not rambling, you are actually quite clear. I note that you have been assessed as having mental health problems in the past and am sorry to hear that. Ideally it would have been looked into at the time whether your problems are because of a chemical problem in the brain, or more to do with personal issues. To me you do not sound like you are talking in a mentally unstable way, but mental illness, like any illness, is tricky to assess without knowing the person.
There are so many factors here. You are barely out of your adolescence, and with that stage in life come naturally so many pscyhological changes that in an older person would be considered abnormal. Your brain is growing and adjusting to its adult state, and it is a tough time, all adults remember and know how hard it is. On top of that you have been considered unable to cope and put in a psychiatric ward. I feel for you, at your age you need to cut a little slack to behave and think abnormally, it's part of the teenage experience. There is a fine line though towards psychosis and/or risky behaviour, and maybe at some point you crossed that line. It doesn't necessarily mean you will never again be normal.
You recognize you have a problem, that in itself is a sign of relatively good mental health, but unlesss you solve it you may decline into a worse state, so you are doing the right thing seeking help.
What you are asking to do is to change your behaviour, and there are many psychological methods which can help you with this. You may and do sound like a good candidate for cognitive behavioural therapy, which is a forward looking technique to teach you to change how you respond to situations. If you are already under the care of a psychiatrist, I would hope there would be little problem getting a referral.
Looking at the cause of your problem, that may be more complex, and something that you may or may not want to explore at a later date. I would make my priority now changing the future first, before delving into the past. but it's your choice. Maybe for you your dog represents some love and acceptance that you feel lacking in other areas, and you are terrified of losing that. Just a theory.
I am a great dog lover. They are pack animals, and once they have accepted you as their pack leader, their devotion is lifelong. I can fully see the attraction of the unconditional acceptance and adoration of a pet dog, although I have never owned a pet myself. But the brutal fact is your dog is an animal, and with all your love for him you also must understand that his life is relatively short, he may get hurt, he may get ill, he will eventually die. When you become a vet nurse you will be working with animals who have suffered terrible abuse, painful conditions, harmed other poeple, need to be put down. Loving animals involves loving creatures who's lives are short and who do not always behave or respond well. One more downer, as your dog learns from you and takes on board your rage, as you have seen he becomes aggressive, because he adores his master and wants to be like you. As an animal though he may not be able to control his responses, and the worst case would be if he harmed another person because he felt threatened. You would lose him permanently.
Please get behavioural therapy, for your dog as much as yourself.
Regarding your mother, you need to see things from her side. With a house of animals who she may not feel so strongly for as you there comes extra work, expenses, damage to furniture, even allergies. This is her home, and she is not I believe trying to be cruel, but just to get you to behave more reasonably regarding your pets. Maybe you could compromise, and agree to put some of them into other good homes or shelters. You can work voluntarily at these shelters in your spare time and so have ongoing contact with your animals.You also need to consider whether the needs of these animals are best being met at home. They may have clashes of nature for example.
When you are older, and living independantly, you may choose to keep many animals too. You will certainly understand what a monumental task it is caring for several animals. If your mother is doing a lot of this she has every right to complain!
You have a lifetime ahead of caring for animals. Right now you need to care for your own mental health, your behaviour, your relationship with your mother, and then for your pet. It will be upsetting to give away animals, or to become less possessive over your dog, but you need to go through this to be more in control of the life you have chosen.
I hope you find some suggestions here helpful, and look forward to the day you qualify as a vet nurse.
I appreciate your feedback and will certainly use some of the advice you have given me.
I currently volunteer with the AWC where I got my dog, so I have seen firsthand different problems and the ranging severity of these problems in different animals, and I appreciate the need for change in my behaviour in order to better influence my dog.
As to my mother, I pick up the bills for all my pets, clean up after them, feed them and keep them clean. The cats hate the dog and vice versa, but it is not a problem, as we keep them separate. My mum threatened to throw me out and put the dog down if I get I dog behaviourist in, making it practically impossible for me to seek professional help regarding his behaviour.
I currently volunteer with the AWC where I got my dog, so I have seen firsthand different problems and the ranging severity of these problems in different animals, and I appreciate the need for change in my behaviour in order to better influence my dog.
As to my mother, I pick up the bills for all my pets, clean up after them, feed them and keep them clean. The cats hate the dog and vice versa, but it is not a problem, as we keep them separate. My mum threatened to throw me out and put the dog down if I get I dog behaviourist in, making it practically impossible for me to seek professional help regarding his behaviour.
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