my family

[ash92]

I am a 17 yr old girl. I have relized i do everything for my parents and am not happy with my own accomplishments. I do sports for my dad but every time i ask him to come he does not. my mom has raised me and my brother for the past 7 yrs. I try to help and take care of my brother. Me and my mom used to be really close and i used to never get in to trouble. Recently i have noticed my mom is more stressed and is taking it out on me when i dont do little things around the house. I have gone to the point of thinking of emancipation. Is there maybe away i can talk to my parents so it to my benifit?. Every time i talk to them i end up being the bad guy.

[Jason Greenberg, Ph.D.]

Thanks for the additional info, it helps me to get a better sense of what you're going through at the moment.  I think that you've got different situations with both parents to deal with.  The situation with your mother seems to be related, as you point out, to the increased stress that she is feeling as a result of her circumstances as well as your impending departure to college.  I don't know that there is much you can do or say to change her behavior, other than to acknowledge that your going away is emotional (good and bad) for everyone.

As far as your father is concerned, that sounds like a more complicated situation that has been developing since your parents' divorce.  I wonder if even though the closeness between you and him has been gradually eroding for the last few years, that you are more sensitive to it now that you are about to go away to college.  As far as a solution is concerned, you can try to say to him that you miss the closeness the two of you used to have (without making any accusations), but there may not be a way to get your father to make more of an effort in your relationship at this time.  And then your task is more about coming to terms with the relationship you have with him, and dealing with the loss of the relationship you used to have with him.

[ash92]

i probably dont do little things around the house once every 2 to 3 weeks. And i used to never get grounded or yelled at. I have gotten better about doing thing around the house since she started yelling at me but it hasnt changed.


My parents are divorced and have been for 7 years. I see him once a month and he has been so distant since he moved 2 hours away from my moms house. We used to be so close when i was younger. We were still somewhat close when he lived closer but he started talking negatively about my mom and calls me by my moms name. Now that he has moved which was 3 years ago he acts like he doesnt care and all he is replacing me and my younger brother with a new family.

[Jason Greenberg, Ph.D.]

I think you nailed it on the head, at least with your mom, that you're leaving soon for college and you and she are both having a reaction to that in addition to the other stress going on right now.  Other questions: In general, how often do you not "do little things around the house"?  And has that changed recently at all?


As far as your dad is concerned, I had a few other questions: -- are your parents separated or divorced? You write about him as if you don't see him as much.  And how long has your dad seemed more distant?

[ash92]

I have talked to my Dad about how i feel he has no active role in my life anymore and i miss how it used to be. I have asked him to come to more of my events and to call me every so often. Nothing has changed.

With my mom I feel like she has been pushing me away when it started to hit her that i am leaving soon for college. I love my mom dearly but it so hard to get along with her this past few months. She runs her own business and everyone has received some sort of pain from the economy. Once my mom gets home i am yelled at for deleting a tv show she hasnt seen getting grounded for not making dinner. She yells at me for being lazy and doing nothing when i get home.

[Jason Greenberg, Ph.D.]

I think before you consider emancipation you may want to consider giving it another try with your parents.  Before I continue though, some questions: 1) What have you said to your parents so far about what's happening between you and them?  2) What do you mean when you say that your mom is "taking it out on me"?

Thanks.