Aa
Blackout Paranoia
I'm in my late twenties, my alcohol consumption is around 15 units per week, but on occasion (I would say 1 day per month) I inevitably end up binge drinking. During this episodes I experience fragmenary blackouts, usually the black spots occur in the latter half of the evening and usually involve me going off round a club and dancing, making an idiot out of myself, not violent.
On New Year's Eve I was with my wife and a friend in a bar, and had around 20 units of alcohol. I remember the evening with great clarity until my wife left -- to visit her relatives, around half-midnight, and my friend left shortly after, around 1am. The last memory I have is of standing at the bar by myself, at 1am, the barmaid telling me the bar was closed.
Next thing I know I wake up in ou apartment bed, alone (my wife stayed with her relatives that night as they are somewhat out of town), nothing out of the ordinary, except a soccer magazine next to me (so I guess I read when I came back). Nothing else. And no memory of that period between being told the bar had closed and waking up. Yet I am deeply paranoid and worried that something terrible happened, I think because this is the first time I have blacked out by myself and every other time a friend or wife has been with me and had been able to "fill me in" with details next morning of what stupid antics I got up to previous night. But with this incident, no witnesses except myself and therefore just a big black hole in my night. I am a naturally anxious person and diagnosed with OCD and panic disorder, and for the last forty-eight hours I have been worrying myself sick that somehow I got out of control, murdered or raped or assaulted someone, thinking about this over and over again, it is dominating my thoughts. I walked back past the bar the next day, can you believe, just to check if police tape had been set up anywhere along the route I assume I walked back to the apartment via. I have even considered phoning the cops and asking to see CCTV footage of my trip back to clarify what happened.
I have discussed this with my wife, she is a trainee psychotherapist, and she thinks i am being incredibly dramatic, not to mention illogical, and that my feelings of guilty over loss of self control and memory, and binge drinking, are manifesting themselves in this illogical fear of having committed some terrible crime during my blackout episode. I just wanted to know if other people have felt the same fear, had the same concerns, because I am just struggling to understand why this blackout is a source of so much more anxiety to me than previous episodes, which I have usually been able to just shrug off. I mean, maybe subconsciously, although I can't remember an incident as such, perhaps the feeling of guilt and fear from such an incident is manifesting itself in me? Or is it impossible to commit some kind of violent crime or assault without at least a fragmentary memory of it? Please let me know your thoughts, as I said, I am a natural, obsessive worrier, spend most of my days worrying if, for example smoking cigarettes will give me multiple sclerosis or if I am already riddled with cancer etc and hard to focus on work during such states.
Thanks
On New Year's Eve I was with my wife and a friend in a bar, and had around 20 units of alcohol. I remember the evening with great clarity until my wife left -- to visit her relatives, around half-midnight, and my friend left shortly after, around 1am. The last memory I have is of standing at the bar by myself, at 1am, the barmaid telling me the bar was closed.
Next thing I know I wake up in ou apartment bed, alone (my wife stayed with her relatives that night as they are somewhat out of town), nothing out of the ordinary, except a soccer magazine next to me (so I guess I read when I came back). Nothing else. And no memory of that period between being told the bar had closed and waking up. Yet I am deeply paranoid and worried that something terrible happened, I think because this is the first time I have blacked out by myself and every other time a friend or wife has been with me and had been able to "fill me in" with details next morning of what stupid antics I got up to previous night. But with this incident, no witnesses except myself and therefore just a big black hole in my night. I am a naturally anxious person and diagnosed with OCD and panic disorder, and for the last forty-eight hours I have been worrying myself sick that somehow I got out of control, murdered or raped or assaulted someone, thinking about this over and over again, it is dominating my thoughts. I walked back past the bar the next day, can you believe, just to check if police tape had been set up anywhere along the route I assume I walked back to the apartment via. I have even considered phoning the cops and asking to see CCTV footage of my trip back to clarify what happened.
I have discussed this with my wife, she is a trainee psychotherapist, and she thinks i am being incredibly dramatic, not to mention illogical, and that my feelings of guilty over loss of self control and memory, and binge drinking, are manifesting themselves in this illogical fear of having committed some terrible crime during my blackout episode. I just wanted to know if other people have felt the same fear, had the same concerns, because I am just struggling to understand why this blackout is a source of so much more anxiety to me than previous episodes, which I have usually been able to just shrug off. I mean, maybe subconsciously, although I can't remember an incident as such, perhaps the feeling of guilt and fear from such an incident is manifesting itself in me? Or is it impossible to commit some kind of violent crime or assault without at least a fragmentary memory of it? Please let me know your thoughts, as I said, I am a natural, obsessive worrier, spend most of my days worrying if, for example smoking cigarettes will give me multiple sclerosis or if I am already riddled with cancer etc and hard to focus on work during such states.
Thanks
I think You are worrying about the wrong thing. What You need to worry about is the blackouts!! Seven YEARS of drinking to blackout is serious !! You are killing brain cells that don't grow back, not to mention many other health considerations. You very well may "suffer OCD and anxiety" - I don't know for sure about that BUT I know with certainty the blackouts are and should be of MAJOR concern.
The best advice I can give You is to educate YourSelf on the ramifications of drinking to blackout, develop the desire to eliminate alcohol from Your life and find a support group fir encouragement and support. You will come to think it's the best gift You ever gave YourSelf
GoodLuck, Regards, Tink
The best advice I can give You is to educate YourSelf on the ramifications of drinking to blackout, develop the desire to eliminate alcohol from Your life and find a support group fir encouragement and support. You will come to think it's the best gift You ever gave YourSelf
GoodLuck, Regards, Tink
Very interesting to find this. For years now I have suffered what I now realise to be health anxiety whereby I frantically worry about an ailment. I have been suffering alcohol blackouts for about 7 years now, which until recently I have shrugged off. However now, after a black out, if a friend says I was talking to a girl or disappeared for a while I have debilitating anxiety that I have had sex with a/the girl whilst out.
Logically speaking I have no memory of having sex, no physical signs, no phone numbers, no missed calls, no messages etc. from anyone other than my friends, and I've woken up at home alone.....however if I'm told I was speaking to a girl/disappeared I have an illogical sense of doom that we've had sex in a club!! I have a girlfriend so this thought crushes me, and then I worry about STDs and pregnancy. I worry for weeks on end, pray and create challenges for myself that I need to 'win' in Order that everyone is okay.
Having read this thread I now believe I suffer OCD and anxiety which are heightened by the blackouts.
Does anyone think maybe I have committed these acts or these are manifestations of some mental issue??
Logically speaking I have no memory of having sex, no physical signs, no phone numbers, no missed calls, no messages etc. from anyone other than my friends, and I've woken up at home alone.....however if I'm told I was speaking to a girl/disappeared I have an illogical sense of doom that we've had sex in a club!! I have a girlfriend so this thought crushes me, and then I worry about STDs and pregnancy. I worry for weeks on end, pray and create challenges for myself that I need to 'win' in Order that everyone is okay.
Having read this thread I now believe I suffer OCD and anxiety which are heightened by the blackouts.
Does anyone think maybe I have committed these acts or these are manifestations of some mental issue??
IF you have obsessive worry issues (I have had them since childhood), you MAY keep on drinking past the point of what once was the 'I can quit any time, for as long as I want' self control. I know what can happen if your drinking turns on you. Blackouts don't generally give an irrational mind enough reason to stop drinking altogether (makes sense right?).
IF you have irrational worry, obsessive feelings of guilt and shame, the risk continuing to drink, really puts you in a low percentage chance of keeping you sanity...
I'm not here to say that quitting drinking is the way to solve all your OCD problems, but I had to quit drinking to be able to stop my situation from getting worse.
Reading a book now called (?) The Man Who Couldn't Stop - about an OCD guy who believed that he was at risk of HIV from hooking up with a random college girl. His obsessive worry took the joy out of life. Interesting read, although I am not sure that cognitive therapy is the only way either, just like AA is not the only way to quit drinking, but taking action to work on the issues is the best way to keep the problems from mounting
My obsessive fears have ALWAYS come back, usually over some new ridiculous idea that will never come to pass... that is until I quit drinking. I am now happy that I have had the longest stretch without a bout of obsessive fear in probably 40 years.
IF you have irrational worry, obsessive feelings of guilt and shame, the risk continuing to drink, really puts you in a low percentage chance of keeping you sanity...
I'm not here to say that quitting drinking is the way to solve all your OCD problems, but I had to quit drinking to be able to stop my situation from getting worse.
Reading a book now called (?) The Man Who Couldn't Stop - about an OCD guy who believed that he was at risk of HIV from hooking up with a random college girl. His obsessive worry took the joy out of life. Interesting read, although I am not sure that cognitive therapy is the only way either, just like AA is not the only way to quit drinking, but taking action to work on the issues is the best way to keep the problems from mounting
My obsessive fears have ALWAYS come back, usually over some new ridiculous idea that will never come to pass... that is until I quit drinking. I am now happy that I have had the longest stretch without a bout of obsessive fear in probably 40 years.
WOW thank you so much ! this has taken my anxiety almost down to nothing and everything you said is so true and I just need to calm down and not think about that sort of thing cause it really isnt in my character to even think of doing something like that but of course having OCD I would cause its my biggest fear . I would get to the point where I actually visualized myself doing it even though I have in times been told i wasnt even around anyone like that and i was at home and whatever else . I wish I knew how to stop these crazy thoughts I know not to drink anymore and that will help with future bs I dont need but I just keep going back to the other times and I still get anxiety ..
Thank you for your reply its totally helped me and Im feeling a lot better !
Thank you for your reply its totally helped me and Im feeling a lot better !
WOW thank you so much ! this has taken my anxiety almost down to nothing and everything you said is so true and I just need to calm down and not think about that sort of thing cause it really isnt in my character to even think of doing something like that but of course having OCD I would cause its my biggest fear . I would get to the point where I actually visualized myself doing it even though I have in times been told i wasnt even around anyone like that and i was at home and whatever else . I wish I knew how to stop these crazy thoughts I know not to drink anymore and that will help with future bs I dont need but I just keep going back to the other times and I still get anxiety ..
Thank you for your reply its totally helped me and Im feeling a lot better !
Thank you for your reply its totally helped me and Im feeling a lot better !
It's like looking in a mirror when I read your post. I've been suffering similar episodes for the last 8 years now, especially with regards to hiv as since I studied modules on the biology of the virus it really hit my OCD issues pretty badly.
What I've learnt over the years is that usually when I've blacked out I tend to remember big events, like somehow the conscious kicks in and says 'you're going to want to remember this'. Like you I had similar episodes with worries about shooting up which I'm also totally against and scared to death of but I'm content with that thought that if an event of that magnitude had in fact taken place my mind would have recorded at least a portion of that and the pain of a needlestick never mind the massive effects that those drugs would have on the body.
The thoughts will subside, the fact is most people chalk up a bad experience and blackout as a bad night out and that's all. People like us place illogical amounts of guilt on ourselves and somehow believe that we must be punished or face repurcussions for our behaviour.
Don't let these thoughts overrun your life, i found when I did the basic statistical math the odds of me getting struck to death by lighting were far,far greater than contracting a disease in this manner while blacked out.
The mind can do strange things to work against us at times the trick is to try and separate what is logical and what is caused out of our own tendencies related to OCD and guilt.
Time heals these things as you'll see with this episode, so get on with your life and learn from the mistake.I like to think these things are in some ways a blessing in the form of a wake up call.
You'll be OK.
What I've learnt over the years is that usually when I've blacked out I tend to remember big events, like somehow the conscious kicks in and says 'you're going to want to remember this'. Like you I had similar episodes with worries about shooting up which I'm also totally against and scared to death of but I'm content with that thought that if an event of that magnitude had in fact taken place my mind would have recorded at least a portion of that and the pain of a needlestick never mind the massive effects that those drugs would have on the body.
The thoughts will subside, the fact is most people chalk up a bad experience and blackout as a bad night out and that's all. People like us place illogical amounts of guilt on ourselves and somehow believe that we must be punished or face repurcussions for our behaviour.
Don't let these thoughts overrun your life, i found when I did the basic statistical math the odds of me getting struck to death by lighting were far,far greater than contracting a disease in this manner while blacked out.
The mind can do strange things to work against us at times the trick is to try and separate what is logical and what is caused out of our own tendencies related to OCD and guilt.
Time heals these things as you'll see with this episode, so get on with your life and learn from the mistake.I like to think these things are in some ways a blessing in the form of a wake up call.
You'll be OK.
I just had a blackout this past friday and I guess I got 2 bruises on the back of my leg and I went from thinking I hurt myself to thinking I shot up or something HORRIBLE and I think about it soooo much that I make a whole story up and even get to the point where I completely believe it even though I am so against it and would never in a million years think id do something like that .. I have sever anxiety disorder as well as OCD and this has been sending me through the roof cause now ive convinced myself ive done it now im thinking ive caught hiv which is the most freaky thing anyone could deal with .. I dont know what to do .. Is this normal ?
Hi All. I too have a serious problem with blackout drinking. I have a wonderful job and a sharp mind but every now and again, I go out spontaneously with friends and end up having a really wild night. I wake up feeling so guilty and ashamed. I am always asking my boyfriend, "Should I apologize to anyone?" I get so sexual and ribald and I normally come off as a sweet girl. Once people see this side of me, they are normally permanently turned off to me. And there have been so many times I hooked up with people and didn't remember a single moment of it, or even the person's face or name. I feel like I am on a collision course to some sort of horrible fate but I'm just not a person who realizes when I'm getting too drunk. I have a theory that those of us who blackout have bodies that physically tolerate alcohol too well. Like we never get so drunk we puke and then it just poisons us. I had a night like this last night and had to call in sick to work today. I am having severe anxiety and am now writing this post from a dive bar where I am on my third beer after a Xanax and feeling much better. I think it's just who I am. I just need to learn to deal with the consequences better.
COMMUNITY LEADER
this i do know....boogie was sober 3 years......got emotionally distraught over a variety of personal dilemmas......and like many alcoholics will do he mistakenly picked up that first one.i don't think its fair to say that his example would cause severe anxiety to OCD sufferrers.....its just a facet of this disease of alcoholism...and most unfortuante one at that.
sorry to hear about boogiman and i appreciate your letting me know.
the purpose of my comment was to all ocd sufferers in the thread of posts i have read through.
ocd sufferers deplore violence and alcohol will not turn you into a killer.
boogieman spoke of a person who committed a murder during a blackout. this will scare the crap out of an ocd sufferer but his comment in out of line with current research.
I think boogiman was trying his best to stop people from drinking but his example may have unfortunately caused severe anxiety to ocd sufferers.
the purpose of my comment was to all ocd sufferers in the thread of posts i have read through.
ocd sufferers deplore violence and alcohol will not turn you into a killer.
boogieman spoke of a person who committed a murder during a blackout. this will scare the crap out of an ocd sufferer but his comment in out of line with current research.
I think boogiman was trying his best to stop people from drinking but his example may have unfortunately caused severe anxiety to ocd sufferers.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Boogieman passed away about 2 years ago....he relapsed w/alcohol.The details of his death i cannot xactly recall.....Dominosarah remembers this better than I......it was so sad for all of us here and mostly his remaining family members.
Also suffer from ocd and maybe had 6 blackouts in my entire life, Every time I blacked out I was on my way home and woke up in my own bed.
I have suffered much anxiety over the past few years wondering if I ever hurt anyone.
For me I have the disadvantage of time. These blackouts occured when I was in my twenties and now I am 58. Ocd sufferers seek things that they can use which will let their imagination go wild. Time makes it impossible to find out what may have occured since it was so long ago.
One thing to share which may be of some comfort for those with ocd is that every doctor I have seen has said an ocd person would not commit
a violent crime. It is totally against their personality. They went so far to say that there has never been a documented case of a violent crime in which an ocd sufferer committedl. Even further, and recent studies has backed this up. No matter how drunk you get you will remember a violent act. You may use amensia as a defense but unless your a hardened criminal, you would know!
I have suffered much anxiety over the past few years wondering if I ever hurt anyone.
For me I have the disadvantage of time. These blackouts occured when I was in my twenties and now I am 58. Ocd sufferers seek things that they can use which will let their imagination go wild. Time makes it impossible to find out what may have occured since it was so long ago.
One thing to share which may be of some comfort for those with ocd is that every doctor I have seen has said an ocd person would not commit
a violent crime. It is totally against their personality. They went so far to say that there has never been a documented case of a violent crime in which an ocd sufferer committedl. Even further, and recent studies has backed this up. No matter how drunk you get you will remember a violent act. You may use amensia as a defense but unless your a hardened criminal, you would know!
Hey red
See my comment to Emmy (above). I hope you can find some wisdom and direction in the book. It is available online....not sure where...just google Leda Fox and The Butterfly Plan.
It's an easy, funny and enlightening read. It will give some clear direction about the right foods to eat and mental and emotional exercises to do to balance you. most people who drink have more than just a genetic tendency to drink. If you can override that and get to the trigger points and neutralize them - you'll be fine. Do the plan. I dare you!
See my comment to Emmy (above). I hope you can find some wisdom and direction in the book. It is available online....not sure where...just google Leda Fox and The Butterfly Plan.
It's an easy, funny and enlightening read. It will give some clear direction about the right foods to eat and mental and emotional exercises to do to balance you. most people who drink have more than just a genetic tendency to drink. If you can override that and get to the trigger points and neutralize them - you'll be fine. Do the plan. I dare you!
Hi Emmy and everyone
I've been there too and the feelings of shame and embarrassment and dread after nights of blackout are indescribable. This really wreaks havok on my already fragile self esteem. I drank because I hated myself and thought that alcohol helped me be more fun and charming. That worked until I became a full blown alco. I suggest you read The Butterfly Plan by Leda Fox as it turned things around for me and really really helped to realise why I was doing what I was doing and how to stop. Alcoholism is about more than just drinking a lot of booze....diet, emotional problems and weird stuff that we believe and hang onto can be just as responsible. I know A.A says that abstinence is the only cure but after reading the book (ButterflyPlan) and doing the 40 day programe that it teaches you - i found that alcohol was not the enemy - I was. Now that I'm more balanced, my drinking is balanced as well...I haven't had a binge or blackout...just the odd glass of wine with dinner. It's been months and I don't feel that I will ever slip as long as I keep that balance in my life. Hope that helps Emmy.
I've been there too and the feelings of shame and embarrassment and dread after nights of blackout are indescribable. This really wreaks havok on my already fragile self esteem. I drank because I hated myself and thought that alcohol helped me be more fun and charming. That worked until I became a full blown alco. I suggest you read The Butterfly Plan by Leda Fox as it turned things around for me and really really helped to realise why I was doing what I was doing and how to stop. Alcoholism is about more than just drinking a lot of booze....diet, emotional problems and weird stuff that we believe and hang onto can be just as responsible. I know A.A says that abstinence is the only cure but after reading the book (ButterflyPlan) and doing the 40 day programe that it teaches you - i found that alcohol was not the enemy - I was. Now that I'm more balanced, my drinking is balanced as well...I haven't had a binge or blackout...just the odd glass of wine with dinner. It's been months and I don't feel that I will ever slip as long as I keep that balance in my life. Hope that helps Emmy.
Hi guys, it was so nice to find this thread, sometimes I feel like i am going crazy, I know I am not, on one side, but on the other i feel like, thats about OCD, and when you get the problems that you guys have got and I have got as well with blackouts with binge drinking its hard really. So, I am going to tell whats my problem, and its going to be a relief really to share it with some people that can understand what i had or have been going through. I drink socially, i had periods in my life when i stopped because i realized the dangers, and now i am in a moment in my life, when i splitted from my ex wife, i am happy in my life, want to go out, take care of myself, and have some pints from time to time, whats wrong about that..right? Now...the things is from time to time...i have lost the control...and i drunk too much, so the blackout appears...i have done some stupid stuff..been with a lot of girls...been with some hookers...a lot in the past..and now what happens...everytime..as I have OCD..that i have a blackout ..be it minor...or major...i feel bad of course, ashamed...but i feel like a need to vomit...because i could have been with a hooker...and its like a need to "clean myself" if you get the meaning. The people i talked about this, they just say..oh....you just need to stop drinking...and then you cut the problem...but to me its not like that...i mean its difficult for me to live in a life of fear because i could have been in a place with hookers, when, with my apologies to the ladies on the forum, i have been in my life with quite a lot of those, and being paid or not, they are still human. The last time it happened to me, some days ago, i started drinking, probably too early, went to other pub, made a fool of myself i guess, and there is a period that i do not remember, but i remember i got home, pretty early, i ate something, there were some friends in the house, and thats it. When i talk about vomiting its not so simple as i go into the bathroom and i vomit one time and thats it, because if someone in this thread has OCD knows that you know when you start but for sure you dont know when you finish, so a couple of weeks ago, i have been vomiiting, for two days, like 8 times, and then 9, and then other obsession and then other compulsion and then at the other day, and if i dont do that i feel like i have less energy, like bad things will happen to me, like if i am going to be having sex with someone i care about i will be having problems, like i might not be able to do it, like my face might not look as pretty and thinny as it would look like when i am calm and easy. Probably all of the people that read this and doesnt have this kind of problems might think i am a crazy person, honestly, 99% of my time i am the most normal person in the world, and everybody likes me, but the 1% of my life that these things get into my head my head is a hell. Now, to end this story, I tried to do a cost benefit solution, i vomited once, just in case its a solution that someone could use if it faces the same problem, like thinking like this, there are two obsessions, one that i need to vomit to take the bad things out of me, the other is the number of times, so the "important one" if we can call it like that, its the first one. As Boogeyman was saying in one of the comments, I am probably not perfect but i know that i am not as bad as yesterday.
ya, there is no greater fear than the fear of the unknown. and the unknown my mind can create could write a few stephen king novels. gm
Thanks for the response. Keep pushin through it. I know exactly what you mean , even accepting of other problems that are real so you can deal with them. Anxiety is tricky like that because most of the times what we create in our heads is much worse and irrational. I guess what id like is to know that nothing went wrong or nothing is bad is going to happen. Be worry free..but who wouldn't want that.
hello. you aren't alone. i have a few conditions, some of which existed to a degree without chemical help. the major depressive and anxiety disorders give me very similar thoughts. but what i've found is that being as active as i can push myself, makes the time pass quicker and i can be productive. it's funny you should post this today because that's where i am right now. i get a sense of impending doom (so much that i'm eager for something to happen so i can deal with it----i'd rather have a straight fight than the ducking and hiding if you know what i mean---something i can physically control) and i basically just moped around the house today and thought of doing things that would give me permanent relief. but fortunately, i know it will pass, and i only have to get through today (but dam today was a bad one).
that being said, this type thinking does become less frequent, and i have hope that one day it will disappear completely. but until then i just try to do the next right thing in front of me until it's bedtime. then tomorrow i do it all over again. i'm not where i want to be, but i'm sure not where i used to be. best wishes and thanks for letting me know i'm not alone. gm
that being said, this type thinking does become less frequent, and i have hope that one day it will disappear completely. but until then i just try to do the next right thing in front of me until it's bedtime. then tomorrow i do it all over again. i'm not where i want to be, but i'm sure not where i used to be. best wishes and thanks for letting me know i'm not alone. gm
Hey guys,
I am just following up on this thread because i have a similar issue. My last blackout was probably about 4 months ago, but like the originator i do not remember my trip home from the bar( all i know is i did not drive). I have had other blackouts but most other times a friend or more are around to fill me in. I was glad to see this post because like the orginator i worried excessively about what might have happened in the estimated hour in between the bar and when i think i went to sleep. Like the originator i woke up without any evidence of crime (same clothes, no blood or scratches, no history of violence, checked the news for any events, checked the walk for property damage) but every time i try to dismiss the worrying as rediculous my mind reinvents another terrible possibility. I have fears that seem irrational like this from time to time and I believe that there are two main ideas that my mind sticks to to keep the anxiety racing. 1) The worrying keeps bad from happening 2) Something bad will happen when i am happiest.
Anyone else have problems with this type of thinking?
I have began phasing out my drinking since college ended recently and would like to stop eventually because i see it as an obstacle in becoming who i would like to be. Its hard to accomplish goals and maintain happiness while spending days in bed worrying. Any advice?
I am just following up on this thread because i have a similar issue. My last blackout was probably about 4 months ago, but like the originator i do not remember my trip home from the bar( all i know is i did not drive). I have had other blackouts but most other times a friend or more are around to fill me in. I was glad to see this post because like the orginator i worried excessively about what might have happened in the estimated hour in between the bar and when i think i went to sleep. Like the originator i woke up without any evidence of crime (same clothes, no blood or scratches, no history of violence, checked the news for any events, checked the walk for property damage) but every time i try to dismiss the worrying as rediculous my mind reinvents another terrible possibility. I have fears that seem irrational like this from time to time and I believe that there are two main ideas that my mind sticks to to keep the anxiety racing. 1) The worrying keeps bad from happening 2) Something bad will happen when i am happiest.
Anyone else have problems with this type of thinking?
I have began phasing out my drinking since college ended recently and would like to stop eventually because i see it as an obstacle in becoming who i would like to be. Its hard to accomplish goals and maintain happiness while spending days in bed worrying. Any advice?
Hi, yes I am aware of the seriousness of the situation, though in all fairness it was less the amount I drank and more the fact that I hadn't eaten. Regardless, I will never be doing THAT again. For the record, I have stopped drinking for months at a time without any problem, and made the decision to start again because I enjoy it, and this was not a typical situation, which is why I was so freaked out...
Anyhow, my question above still stands. Although at this point I really don't think anything happened, I think it's an interesting thing about the brain that it tends to fill in what you can't remember with worst or best-case scenerios according to the outcome of the situation/your feelings about your behavior. I just wanted to hear other people's thoughts on that phenomenon, which the original poster seemed to hit on the head so aptly.
Anyhow, my question above still stands. Although at this point I really don't think anything happened, I think it's an interesting thing about the brain that it tends to fill in what you can't remember with worst or best-case scenerios according to the outcome of the situation/your feelings about your behavior. I just wanted to hear other people's thoughts on that phenomenon, which the original poster seemed to hit on the head so aptly.
Hi. do you want to stop drinking? or are you trying to just figure out a way to avoid alcohol induced memory lapses? typically when someone begins to experience blackouts due to excessive drinking, it's a good idea to take an honest look at what other negative consequences are occurring. if you are becoming chemically dependent, or already are, things will go downhill if you continue to drink. the next time you may encounter a much more dangerous individual or situation. let us know if we can help you further. take care, gm
I'm so glad I found this thread because I have been experiencing the same thing as the original commentor. So here's my situation and I would appreciate feedback because I'm going crazy!
Okay, I have been drinking for about 10 years (I'm 27), and for the first time ever I was hanging out with people I didn't know while wasted. What happened is that I didn't eat much that day (of course), and had probably 1 1/2 bottles of wine over the course of about 3 hours, which normally wouldn't have put me over the edge like it did.
Anyway, I was walking home (thanks friends!!), which is about 5 blocks, and holding some pepper spray but having visible problems walking. An older guy I'd seen around the neighboorhood before approached me saying something about how it didn't look like I was doing too well and he'd walk me home. I was still holding the pepper spray, but after walking with him for a bit I started to feel more comfortable and somehow we ended up stopping at a friend's (his friend) house and having a beer on their side patio. My memory is really spotty, but I remember having an ok time and not going inside as far as I KNOW.
Then I'm pretty sure he walked me to my corner, although it's hard to know for sure because although I have memories of us walking around the neighborhood, I don't know which ones are before and after the friend's house. I seem to remember the walk being difficult for some reason or that I was confused or something, and maybe having a weird feeling, but that could have also been in retrospect. It's also possible that this guy was saying innappropriate things to me, and it was upsetting me. Not sure.
So the next morning I woke up in my bed at 9am with all my clothes on, under just the top blanket, and without setting my alarm for work. My first thoughts were of how screwed I was for being late and not even calling in, so that was my number one priority. Once I got to work and had time to think about the night I started getting really paranoid that I had been raped, even though I don't have any memories that would suggest that (and I always remember distinctive events, even in partial black-out), and no physical signs whatsoever. Also, there is NO way I would cheat on my boyfriend in any state, at least not with a random person, and I can say with with total certainty.
Anyway, I continue to go back and forth between thinking that nothing of note really happened, and having a nagging feeling that something bad did happen, and I'm wondering if that is more a product of that fact that I was in an unusual situation, like the original commentor, and can't ever be 100% sure, or if in fact it might mean that something did.
I am just obsessed with the possibility, and any help whatsoever would be appreciated! Oh, and I walked around the neighborhood with my boyfriend, and had memories of walking with the guy but nothing specific...
Okay, I have been drinking for about 10 years (I'm 27), and for the first time ever I was hanging out with people I didn't know while wasted. What happened is that I didn't eat much that day (of course), and had probably 1 1/2 bottles of wine over the course of about 3 hours, which normally wouldn't have put me over the edge like it did.
Anyway, I was walking home (thanks friends!!), which is about 5 blocks, and holding some pepper spray but having visible problems walking. An older guy I'd seen around the neighboorhood before approached me saying something about how it didn't look like I was doing too well and he'd walk me home. I was still holding the pepper spray, but after walking with him for a bit I started to feel more comfortable and somehow we ended up stopping at a friend's (his friend) house and having a beer on their side patio. My memory is really spotty, but I remember having an ok time and not going inside as far as I KNOW.
Then I'm pretty sure he walked me to my corner, although it's hard to know for sure because although I have memories of us walking around the neighborhood, I don't know which ones are before and after the friend's house. I seem to remember the walk being difficult for some reason or that I was confused or something, and maybe having a weird feeling, but that could have also been in retrospect. It's also possible that this guy was saying innappropriate things to me, and it was upsetting me. Not sure.
So the next morning I woke up in my bed at 9am with all my clothes on, under just the top blanket, and without setting my alarm for work. My first thoughts were of how screwed I was for being late and not even calling in, so that was my number one priority. Once I got to work and had time to think about the night I started getting really paranoid that I had been raped, even though I don't have any memories that would suggest that (and I always remember distinctive events, even in partial black-out), and no physical signs whatsoever. Also, there is NO way I would cheat on my boyfriend in any state, at least not with a random person, and I can say with with total certainty.
Anyway, I continue to go back and forth between thinking that nothing of note really happened, and having a nagging feeling that something bad did happen, and I'm wondering if that is more a product of that fact that I was in an unusual situation, like the original commentor, and can't ever be 100% sure, or if in fact it might mean that something did.
I am just obsessed with the possibility, and any help whatsoever would be appreciated! Oh, and I walked around the neighborhood with my boyfriend, and had memories of walking with the guy but nothing specific...
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