Husband in Alcohol Rehab and do not know where

[Robinlynn1206]

I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for 4. We have went to several near death with his over drinking and several rehabs. He is not abusive to me..sweetest man you will ever meet. until he drinks..then i watch him stumble, fall, pee on himself, and pass out. This last time I left the house on Thanksgiving day due to his drunkeness and saying bad things to me..I ended up in the emergency room and hospital for 4 days with bleeding inside due to high blood pressure and stress..When I was in the hospital he had went on one of his destroying the house episodes, doing horrible things, throwing away my medicine, pictures, taking the mattress outside, before he left he cut the water hose and electirical hoses on the dryer and washing machine and flooded the house..He stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks and I told him he had to get help..just couldn't do this anymore. He called and said bye and I found out from his parents that he is in a rehab but he cant write or call..they want tell me where..I filed for divorce and it will be final in Feb..He will have no idea of the divorce..I miss him so much and I know that sounds bad, but we always had fun and did things until the drinking got heavy again. Im paying a lawyer and now I really feel guilty...His mom says let it go..but don't get a divorce..he can't work on a marriage until he works on himself..my thing is ..i need to talk to him before the divorce is final..just to see how he is doing..I am so confused..I do love him so much and miss him..Do I call off the Divorce and wait for him, do i go through with it and maybe down the road we can get back together..i just don't know what to do..

[ibizan]

Do u have to pay for all the damage done to the house by the flooding?

[Robinlynn1206]

Been receiving letters..talked to him twice on the phone and going to make a trip to see him Saturday..they are making an exception for me since i live 2.5 hours away to visit on Saturday and I work Sunday now..I get a 3 hour visit with him..So I will see how he is when i go this Saturday..I will let you know..I have had my mind in work and other things going on..My landlord decided after 7 years of us living here he wants to sale the house. So i have till the end of Feb to find another place to live..When it rains it pours..Thanks for asking and I will let you know..I got a letter today that was very positive..He is starting to think with a clear head now, and making more sense. I talked to one of the administrators because he had called and had to interview me before I came to visit. He said John had a bad day 2 days ago where he cried and just kept saying he wanted to come home that he missed me. He said they go through that after they start thinking clear and when they have a wife at home that wants to work things out they want to come home..but, he is not ready for that yet...I will keep you posted..

[redbull]

I'm thinking about the two of you, I am sending good thoughts your way. Are you seeing some progress and hope?

[redbull]

I'm so glad to see that you are a kind and spirtual person. You are right, a higher power is with you every step of the way, however, faith without works is dead. We keep our house clean with our family by asking each morning in meditation that our creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love. Spitituality is not a theory. We have to live it. I pray that you and John work the 12 steps in your own programs. If this happens, the problems will be removed. It's a promise. The only requierment for this truth is honesty. Whatever you do from here on please make sure it's finding someone in your alanon meetings to help you through the 12 steps. The entire world would benefit from the 12 steps. And pray to God that John does the same thing. I don't think I have the words to describe the power or the freedom that will occur from working the steps. I hope his heart is as open as yours seem to be.

[Robinlynn1206]

thanks for your story..Yes it hurts me but, I sure I will grow stronger in that I am grown and my husband is grown and we have to live our own life. They have watched me go through some rough times in my life and they are in poor health. I am sure they are thinking in the back of their mind. "I want to see my daughter happy and taken care of before we die"..I know that sounds bad..and i don't like to say "die" but, that is what we all have to face in life. I love my family very much..we have always been close, but, the way they think is if someone hurts their daughter or mother..then they will hold a grudge forever. I am different. I am a forgiver and a nurturer. I know alanon will help me and I am happy. I am happy my husband is getting help and that we can write and I know in my heart that someone higher up is with us every step of the way.  

[redbull]

Early in my sobriety, I got the same thing from my family. They thought she made me drink, they were just ignorant of the facts and alcoholism and I was their brother and son, so they sided with me due to blood relation and blinded by whatever. I learned in the program to NOT be taken hostage by ANYBODY including family. I'm a grown and it was my life and they did not know the depth of my world. I simply said to all of them "I'm sorry that you feel this way" and left it at that. I lived a day at a time working the program with my little family. We healed and flourished as time went on (without them). Years later they slowly realized that we were doing just fine while they still had drama. No judgement, we did our thing, they had drama. Our lives changed while they lived with condemnation. We all made our choices (ours was better). It took 7 years for my sisters to realize that John was a different person and a pretty damn cool person at that and that his family is in tact and happy. It took 8 years for my mom to really believe that I didn't drink. The whole time she told my sisters "John doesn't NOT drink" they belived her. I didn't give a ****, I was not out to prove anything to anyone EXCEPT me, my daughters and wife simply watched and came to believe that Dad doesn't drink and lives a spiritual life style. I WILL NOT BE TAKEN HOSTAGE! Family or not, end of story. I made my amends, the rest was out of my hands. Just work my program was my job. It's all good now but it took years for some to get it that I was living MY LIFE not theirs.