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I couldn't do it on my own and I still can't

I tried to quit drinking and I can't do it.  Tonight is my first AA meeting.  I have drank 8-12 beers a night for 20 years and I just found out that my liver enzyme levels are elevated which is an indication of accute liver damage.  I have really screwed up with the family and things absolutely need to change right NOW.  My wife is not speaking with me because I become verbally abusive after having a few.  I don't know what it is about beer but I turn into a real jerk.  I just hope and pray that someday she will be able to forgive me....  I was a real jerk last night.  I accused her of things that weren't true and was a plain old idiot.  I'll be on this forum quite a bit from now on.
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Avatar universal
This website can help a lot - If you really have trouble quitting, then AA is a great idea too.  Let us know how your first meeting goes.
Tell me this: when you had your blood test, had you been drinking your normal 8-12 (either the night before or during the week)?  You should probably get a sonogram or CT scan so that you know where you stand with your liver issues.  It can also help motiviate you to stop.  A month or two of sobriety may do wonders for your liver enzymes - right now, your liver is taxed and overworked.  
I know what you mean about beer - it was my drink of choice.  At the end- I was often drinking 8-12 and my personality began to change.  My wife was not thrilled with me at the time.  Once you get "over the hump", being sober is a much better way of life - there's a lot of things out there that are worth enjoying sober.

Good luck and God Bless
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
well dude u've taken the first step...Admitted being powerless over alcohol...has made u and ur life unmanageable.....i would not have my sobriety 2 day if it hadn't been for AA and NA.....i took what i could use and left the rest!lot of good to be found there and some miraculous ppl!if one day atta time to vast....break it down in2 hour increments!
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498222 tn?1230841600
Well, now maybe you can.  I used to go to AA meetings (my boyfriend MADE me) and I didn't get much out of it.  I hated my life but thought I couldn't live without alcohol.  Now, it's been years since I drank and I have a life now....I didn't when I was drinking.  I couldn't stop after a few drinks like most people.  But the good news is......for me anyway...I don't miss beer at all anymore.  We get one shot at life...it's worth it for you to do what you can to get off the alcohol and live your life......you have a family too.....you're so lucky.....

Linda Joy Allan
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463575 tn?1211302688
i hear ya on the alcohol changing your personality. it seems that it is the only substance where my personality completely changes when i'm under it's influence - and not in a good way.

i have to say that alcohol turns me into a very mean, unhappy, depressed person. didn't realize it until a month after i quit just how bad i was getting....

hang in there. just know that there are many people who are in the same boat as you, and that you aren't alone.

good luck!
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Avatar universal
I went to aa meetings also, once in my late twenties and recently in my mid forties. The first three months it helped but I was becoming to close to the core members in the group and everytime they heard things they did not like from me they started to get in my face and I do not care for that type of behavior. It was like if you don't do this your gonna be doomed stuff. Well I stopped going and I am coming up on a year. Don't get me wrong I'm not  putting aa down I just feel that I had two go arounds with it and the same things that turned me off happened twice. So why waste my time. I also heard at a meeting that if you do not have a profound spiritual awakening you will not recover. What kind of nonsense is that to say to someone. I never in my life experienced so many people that think they have all the answers.The bottom line is that it is a fact that aa only works for a very few people. I would like to know what you did not like about it.
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Avatar universal
I don't want to see this to become a "bash" AA post - although I realize that AA does not help everyone, This particular post was started by someone who is going to AA for the very first time.  That takes a lot of guts, and I wish Lotsatrout all the best.  I hope AA works for him so that he can get control of his drinking.
I don't go to AA either, but I will cheer on anyone who decides to go, because I still think they offer one of the best support structures for problem drinkers.  If I stumble and fall into regular drinking again, I hope that I'll have the guts to go to a meeting myself.  I'm sorry that it didn't work for the two of you, but I think the evidence shows that it works for a great number of people.  
This is an open forum and obviously everyone is free to express an opinion - my issue is that this post was started by someone who is going to try AA - let him try it in peace.  
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365714 tn?1292199108
On that site there's a link to describe what to expect out of an AA meeting if it's your first day.
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
true AA is not for all!neither is inpatient or outpatient for these stats remain constant....1 outta 10 who try either will stay sober the first year!why is that?its the nature of the alcoholic beast!I have been sober/clean 24 years.I've had oldtimers in my face telling me that if i did not do it their way,only read AA approved literature yadayadayada i wouldn't stay sober/clean.I openly disagreed with these ppl did find them annoying and SEARCHED for those who weren't like this at a variety of meetings.I was single with no family support and knew i had to meet sober/clean ppl and would not stay sober/clean staring at my cat within my apt.walls.I really kinda liked telling these ppl they were fulla doo-doo..they weren't gonna drive me away with their control BS!I was very faithful to 12 step for the first 9 years of my sobriety.It helped me develop a foundation I never had.I found other avenues of support thru the years and other friends who aren't drunks or dope fiends.If u aren't choosing to use 12 step that is fine....but it is imperative that u find a support system for urself!and also develop actvities u enjoy doing that don't involve drink/drugs or ppl who do while u stand there amongst users telling urself u can be strong and not use sipping a soft drink while those around u r getting tanked!
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Avatar universal
Well I tell ya'll about it....

I went to the meeting and I should have told you that it was my first meeting I've went to in YEARS instead of my very first one.  It was the usual stuff...  I'm an alcoholic and all of that.  I'm not a big fan but it was ok.  What I don't understand is that there were probably 8-10 people there who have been sober between 25 and 30 years but they still go to these meetings multiple times a week.  

None of them have a desire to drink but yet they still go.  It's almost like it is part of their life now.  I'm sorry but I don't want AA to be a part of my life.  I don't mind going to a meeting from time to time but I'd rather devote that time to my family rather than to people with alcohol problems.

I'm happy to tell you that I've only had 2 beers since last Friday night and that was just to make sure I slept that night.  My wife and kids are my motivating factor now not a room full of people with various problems.  Don't take me wrong.  There are some good things at AA but I don't NEED it to quit drinking.  My last episode of anger was my final straw.  I definitely saw the error of my ways.  When your wife tells you that she regrets marrying you that hurts and was enough for me to KNOCK IT OFF.  I'll post my progress as the days go on.  

Much thanks for your encouragement and for your posts!  Thank You!
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
Big book sez we hafta mainstream back in2 society..u have a wife kids...attending a few times a week is good but u decide how to split the time tween getting some in and ur family.u don't hafta be like those oldtimes in there and attend everynite.....tailor ur own recovery program to suit ur needs and  other demands!
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190885 tn?1333025891
i would try to cut out the alcohol all the way...hows your withdrawal symptoms? mine were real bad...i did have to wean myself...took like 6 weeks and still had bad symptoms...so i guess you'll have to go fishing without beer..i went out smelting with my kids last night..there older now ..for years i would take them but no that much cause it was after and durring drink time...it's funny we had such a great time last night the water was almost black with smelts and life filled the night..it did go through my mind that i was so glad to not be drinking...now when i go fishing and theres folks drinking near by i just can't take much of it anymore...thats not to say that everone that drinks is bad it's just not my thing and i like that.......i never went to meetings or any of that(not that i think there bad)....i will say when i found this forum it helped a lot although i didn't find it untill a while after i quit...no one here pushed me into anything..just tried to help...so now if i can i try to take the time to help other people out there...and also to keep getting a better understanding of the alcohol problems..good luck with your familly...but quit for yourself..because you want to quit...and be ready for withdrawal symptoms..anxiety and other stuff... can thake a long time for your body and mind to adjust...billy
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
billy makes very good points of having sober activities in life he enjoys especially with his kids....and just being sober and appreciating life!its good to develop find these activities..if theres some u let go i hope u pick them back up!hey i just thought of something...billy went smelt fishing and ur name is lotsatrout.....did u like to go trout fishing?
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Avatar universal
Yeah, it's one of my favorite things to do....  :)
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
there ya go.....trout fishing sober!and u in VT...a most b-utiful state i've seen.....specially in fall.....whats ur spring like?bet its cool thru sober eyes!
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Avatar universal
Spring here is pretty sweet!  It's better than summer that's for sure.  Less muggy and less buggy.  :)

UPDATE:

4 days without a beer, no WD's and I'm already sleeping pretty good!
At this point and time I really have no desire for beer.  I've been running and biking a lot lately and that has helped.  I know I can't be too confident though so I'm taking it one day at a time!
Helpful - 0
190885 tn?1333025891
my withdrawals weren't that bad for the first 4 days...but after that they really kicked in...so hopefully you won't go through that..but things could get going as the days go on...i see so many try to quit and make themselves believe that because their withdrawals arn't that bad they can go back to drinking again..when really they never even came close..it is nice to not have that urge to drink...i remember i use to think about my drink time in the morning even though i only drank after 5....and looking back my drinking messed up a lot of fishing trips...i know you can drink and fish it's just now sometimes i'll drive 45 minutes after work to go fishing and before i wouldn't want to be on the road after drink time...lots of stuff is so much better....good luck....billy
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243614 tn?1266197537
I know at my aa meetings there are women there who have been sober well over 20 years.   You were wondering why they keep going?  They keep going to help new people like you and me.  Maybe they like the comraderie as well.  We all have a common thread, getting sober and staying sober and how selfless to try and help others to do the same.  I hope i can be like them someday.  TJack
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
there is a saying in 12 step...we keep what we have by giving it away....i will glady help another woman who wants sobriety/recovery...u newsters helps us 2 never forget where we came from...and we have this common thread...i'll help another man 2 but only by phone or email or a conversation....they need to go to meetings and get same sex sponsors as reasons for this have been well established!
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Avatar universal
i just joined this website. actually, i'm a regular contributor on another site but i find i can continue with service work online and that certainly makes my recovery so much richer. i just got home from a meeting and i will tell you i had a multitude of reasons aa would not work for me--many of them i see here now. what i discovered--this is my experience--is i am an alcoholic of the type the big book talks about. i simply cannot stay stopped of my own volition. the reason aa does not have the success rate that it had in the early days of the program is that in those days they searched for the "last gaspers" who were people who seemed destined to drink to the bitter end. we did not have the young or those without serious consequences as we do today. the aa of today is, of course, inclusive rather than exclusive and it has evolved through the years to touch anyone who seeks a life free of alcohol and not just those who are homeless, jobless, family less etc.  unfortunately, when the consequences are minor many return to the world of alcohol. that is not the fault of aa. i was one of those people. years of in and out, in and out. finally, i , too, became a "last gasper." i am not so smart anymore and i thank God as the program has given me a life i never dreamed possible and a host of friends i now call family. someone on my other site expressed judgements about aa and the alcoholics found there. this is what i told her:

dottygirl, i may know what you are feeling--kind of... i wrote in a post a while back about how i hated aa--in particular one group. i saw 100 people and one whole set of teeth, i saw the middle aged guy who was wearing thrift shop clothes and back to riding a bicycle, i heard the manic cackling (i thought) of an elderly woman with a stained dress who spoke no english and i could go on and on with my judgements. this is not about aa but about how i felt about alcoholics in general. you see, if i could keep seeing the differences in those people sitting in adjacent chairs from me then there wasn't a chance in hell i could find the similarities. i could stay safe in my delusion that i was not what they were or what they appeared to be. i was TERRIFIED of the truth of my life and the self-loathing was so strong i believe i really was hanging the labels of what i secretly thought about myself on other people. in time i did become exactly what i feared. there was no denying it. but the truth of the matter is that even in those early days i was already those people i looked at with disdain. the only difference was they could stay sober in goodwill clothes and i could not stay sober in armani. i just returned home from my regular saturday meeting. those people? i know them now as jimmy g., brokedown ken, and mama. i call them friends...devon  
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
grey8tpost dear!i used to compare myself outta those rooms.....and stopped...if u read my previous posts on the diversity of ppl i met in aa it chimes with urs!i don't know how old u r but there is young ppls aa...folks from 16-30 and a tad up...the first one i attended i was 28.i sat next to a 22 yr.old who'd been sober 4 years.....what respect i had for that young person....if Eric clapton,aerosmith members and don johnson can walk in2 those rooms so can anyone!there is a lot to offer...and again if something isn't agreeable to u...take what u CAN use and leave the rest.......on fridays and saturdays nites which were my drinking nites i would MAKE myself go to aa/na....didn't want to b there but if i did what i wanted i'd be in a bar.....so i did what i needed 2 do......and felt better afterwards.In the morning i was glad..no hangover ,money in pocket and i remembered what i did the nite b4 and driving home!
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390416 tn?1275185087
Great post! Hey lotsatrout..i was looking thru my friends and wondered what happened to you. As you know...i have been attending mtgs. for 17 yrs..and I still go...went to 2 mtgs. last week...and I still havent' had a drink after all these yrs. I agree with all the posters who responded about why they still go to aa . I hope you find what ever works for you....for me...I know I can't do it by myself.  Best of luck. I guess I'll have to check out this alcohol community...i always hang over in the substance abuse forum!!
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