So Very Confused!!!! HELP

[kristellk]

Not even sure where to begin. I am and addict/alcoholic... DID I REALLY JUST SAY THAT??? I am having a hard time coming to grips w/ AM I REALLY A ALCOHOLIC???? The only three people that tell me I have a problem w/ drinking is my mom, my sister, and my ex boyfriend. My dad has been a recovering addict for 28 years!! woo hoo ddad.... if he only knew what I was going through.. It has been 317 days being off of narcos! NOw I have decided to start drinking more and more to numb all my stress and pain in life!!!! I honestly do NOT know how to handle this one! I dont drink everyday, although I would love to have a couple glasses of wine every night, but that would turn into 15 glasses of wine. WHY WHY WHY can't I just have a couple to relax? I JUST DONT GET IT! I also suffer from depression...... As of late I HATE gettting out of bed.. on the weekends I could spend the whole weekend their just so I dont have to think !!! My stomach has become VERY bloated and feels like it is on fire everytime I eat?? Is this due to my drinking? I have also gained weight since my increase in drinking. I am a single mother. My daughter recently moved out and my son is barely home. I find myself sitting here doing NOTHING so instead I decide to go to the bar and now dont know how to stop, what to do.... I dont wanna tell anyone that I actually know I need to stop. Will this depression, lack of ambition, stomach problems etc.. go away once I get all the toxins out of my body??? I am sorry if I am rambling on .. I just dont know what to do! Any words of wisdom would be great. Just for example... Last night I was bored, went to the bar... dont remember driving home and could not make it to work today! i CAN'T go on like this...... I drink about 3-4 nights a week... My biggest struggle is WHAT AM I GOING TO do w/ my time while not being able to go to the bar????  I am a pretty petite girl and am starting to feel like a fat pig cuz of my stomach.. is this all normal????????????????????????? or am I just going crazy????

[crash2323]

I am a small woman too who experienced a lot of bloating.  I had always been a very athletic person--I exercised every day, but I also drank everyday.  Suddenly, I started gaining weight by the day and couldn't figure out why.  Nothing in my life had changed.  I told one of my doctors about my sudden weight gain (I didn't mention the drinking) and he thought I had a thyroid problem because one of my blood test results came back very slightly low.  I was put on thyroid medicine, but it didn't help.  Another doctor eventually took me off that and said I did not have a thyroid problem.  My weight over a period of time went from 118 to 142.  I landed in the hospital for 10 days for a totally messed up gastrointestinal system.  I couldn't hide my drinking from the several doctors who treated me that time.  It turned out the bloating was actually from dehydration.  My body was storing up fluids because it wasn't getting enough.  Alcohol dehydrates you.  In 10 days, I went from 142 to 128 and continued to lose after I got out of the hospital.  I am now at 105.  Things haven't been perfect for me, but I do regularly see a psychologist and a psychiatrist.  I also suffer from anxiety and depression.  I urge you to see your doctor and tell him or her what's going on.  You may be dehydrated and vitamin deficient as I was.  Don't wait until you land in the hospital.  As for the boredom, I think many of us in the same boat suffer that.  I try to keep myself busy seeing my family, keeping up with my hobbies, etc.  And you have a job to occupy some of your time.  Don't wait to seek help before your drinking affects your job.  That would just make everything worse.  I wish you well--please see your doctor--it's a good first step.

[ibizan]

gopen66 gave u great advice......PS ur dad DOES know what ur goin thru.....he and me 28 yrs.sober/clean!addiction is addiction albeit  whether it is in pill powder or liquid form......and an alcohol withdrawal is more deadly than a narco one which is not said to minimize the agony of  ur withdrawal from the opiates.All around u can see what ur doing to urself...ur addiction blinds u to urselff!Hope u get help...because eventually u will end up like the NA textbook says is the end result of active addiction..."if we do not recover we end up in jails,institutions or dead"!And be it as my dayjob is substance abuse counselor i have sadly witnessed this 2 b true!

[GoPens66]

Hello...
First let me say....been there done that.  Just backwards.  I am 41 and didn't take my 1st drink until i was 38.  I quickly became an alcoholic.  After my 45 year old sister died from alcoholism I quit drinking and joined AA.  But boy was I depressed.  Then I turned to percocet. It was prescibed for a broken wrist...but it evently led to abuse. And the return of alcohol.  I finally asked my husband for help this past Nov.  I went to detox and am now 40 days clean.  Lets be honest...the withdrawl totally *****.  But everything you mentioned...depression, lack of ambition, not knowing what happened when I blacked out or how I got home and not wanting to get out of bed...is GONE!  I am happier than I have been in years. By coming clean I now longer have to worry who will know...what will i do next to hurt the ones I love....whens my next drink....and where can I hide it?  It hard to fill that alone time.  My husband works many long hours and my son is at school.  So I attend regular AA meetings and just wander around stores...or visit with family to keep me occupied.  Every day is better.  I can't stress the importance of AA.  You can find local meeting online.  They are so excepting and its someone to talk too about what you are going thru that already been there.  I am little concerned about the bloated stomach especially since you too did pills and alcohol.  You should see your dr.  The bloating could be a sign of liver problems.  Please don't ignore it!!!  

I promise you this...You will feel like crap for about a week or two after you quit....but after that ...a whole new lease on life.  I wish you luck.  You can send me a message anytime you wish.  I would love to talk more.  You can do it!! I have faith!  

Happy Holidays!
Your friend,
GOPENS66