I must stop drinking; my drinking has escalted to everyday

[chichi677]

I am a professional and do not feel like doing anything but the minimal at work...I drink a liter of wine and one beer each day and I am scared.  I do not want anybody to know how bad it has gotten.  My insurance care provider has incredible fees...I need help and my husband is as bad as I am.  I am so sick and tried of being sick and tired but do not know what to do...I think of drinking 5 mintues after getting up...I do only what is absolutely necessary and am happy when I know I can have time to drink.  I am scared.  Please help.

[BarbieBell]

Another thing to remember when you are quitting, is that you aren't severely handi-capped, yet. You have not had to change your life very dramatically. You aren't confined to a wheel chair. You didn't lose your sight or hearing. If you feel sorry for yourself because you can't drink, think about those girls who lost their legs after the Boston bombers. You just will be relearning some coping skills, self soothing. The power of saying "no!" or "no, thank you!" Unlike an amputee, you don't have to learn how to walk all over again. Think of the fact that you have alcoholism, it is just a disease. You don't have to get chemotherapy, you don't have to quit wheat or dairy, just alcohol. Others can drink, you can't. Simple.

[BarbieBell]

I think you should go through this forum and read all of my comments. I won't be here much longer, because I don't need this. I just happened upon it looking for other answers. I thought I'd see what I could do to help. I am so involved with other things, I am continuing on with my college. I travel, I volunteer, I play (biking, tennis, hiking, movies, cooking, etc). I have to pinch myself sometimes because I woke up! Before I died! My children are 29 and 31. Some people go to their grave drunk, but I received the gift of sobriety and have and continue to work on atoning for my mistakes. When I was younger, I thought my children did not know when I was drunk! How I hurt them. But, I acknowledged my sins, I acknowledged their pain, their fears that I caused. I make no excuses although I have many! 2 years sober, we celebrate our relationships wildly. My friends, my siblings... I have no husband, I lost the love of my life when I was 37. He was brain injured and lived in a vegetative state for 7 years. I was brutally assaulted and raped by a man who is now on death row.
But, alcohol does not care! It helps dull the pain, but like I said it stabs you in the back. Those thoughts and memories do not go away because you drink. Drinking makes them worse. and worse and worse...
One thing that the depressant drug, alcohol does, is it screws up your brain. You can get more educated on this, but you already know it does. You are more easily bored, pleasure is beyond your grasp. This is not normal! Once you stop, your brain will gradually heal itself. But, you must keep busy! With things that interest you. Maybe you don't do anything fun anymore, because you drink, then it makes you tired. Then you isolate. Get out! Volunteer! I do for the Women's and Children's Free restaurant. Take classes. Go for a walk. Go to the movies. Quit focusing on yourself or your drunk husband. My Mom always pointed out there are alot of people worse off than yourself. Help them! Celebrate that you aren't living on the streets, shooting drugs in your veins, have your teeth, have a car, have all your limbs. Celebrate that you are going to do this before it kills you!
Like I said, I did this as an experiment: to lose weight. Safeway (grocers) is just a block away. I kept a box of wine in my closet for a year. I finally used it cooking. Talk yourself through weird moments. You will be uncomfortable in your own skin. You will have panic attacks. You cannot cheat, because that is only cheating yourself.
Then, you'll start to remember all the wonderful things about yourself. That you are kind. You are smart. You are gracious. You are aware. That there is so much beauty in the world, it almost hurts. You'll start laughing and crying. You'll taste food all over again (my taste buds actually changed). You'll sway to music and grow some flowers. People will respect and admire you. You find yourself smiling, appreciating... Big ugly things will happen, but you can manage. You will amaze yourself with your awesomeness.
Then you'll look at that glass of wine and wonder why it was ever worth it!

[chichi677]

I just read your comment to sick and tired...great advice!   You are right...I need to get mad at alcohol darn it
Chichi

[chichi677]

Thank you for the wonderful support and tips.  How did you you stop drinking. How were the first few days.  I love your comments.  I need support very badly

[BarbieBell]

I just want to add this: I meet new people in college and at my new job in Student Activities. I just tell people, when appropriate, that I don't drink any alcohol. If someone is ballsy enough to ask why, I say that I finally realized I don't want just one. That I really want at least 4 glasses of wine. One while cooking, 2 at dinner, and one after dinner. It is fun to see people ponder that, because most people do want more than one. At that point very few people want to spar with me about it. Conversation just moves on. However, I do find it best to just not bring it up. It is no one's business and there is always the possibility some one might judge you.

[BarbieBell]

Hey! Read my comments to Sick and Tired of being sick and tired! I am also a 54 year old woman. I quit two years ago. It gets better and better and I have gotten to a point where I am just plain mad at alcohol! Of course, it is always better to transfer anger at yourself elsewhere, right?
Alcohol was my good friend, who slept with me at night, calmed my fears, loved me unconditionally, then stabbed me repeatedly in the back, robbed me of years of good times and health, then left me looking for another clueless young woman! Yea! I am glad I dumped that loser, or it dumped me, or... I am just so happy!
My therapist said to be careful about the pink cloud. Well my cloud just keeps getting pinkier and more lovely every day. I would no more drink a glass of wine than slit my neck.

[chichi677]

Thanks for your encouragement Mustang...
chi

[Mustang0064]

it can be done...day 62 for me cold turkey...so do it!

[chichi677]

I was sober yesterday...today I am drinking a glass of wine...I called inter group at the number you gave me and am looking for a group near my house which there are...I will wait until sober to go which is tomorrow morning.
chi

[chichi677]

Thank you SO much Open.  I was in outpatient recovery for 26 weeks about 10 years ago when it was easier for me to stop than it is now.  I will call the number that you gave me.  I must stop.  I went to AA meetings back then and heard about the possibility of the progression of the diease, but I probably was not reaching out like I should have or thought that I could handle it or thought that it wouldn't happen to me.  I have a copy of the Big Book by Bill W and am on Chapter 4.  I used to love to read 'how it works' at the beginning of the AA meetings on Friday nights.  Perhaps I was not ready back then.  Now I am too ashamed to go back to the place I used to go.  They have meetings at work  which I am afraid of going to.  Thanks for your support.  Let's keep in touch.
Chi

[OpenMind24hours]

Hi Chichi,

I've been to lots of NC meetings. I go to the outer banks for windsurfing every year. My fav is on Roanoke Island (far from Charlotte!) Your state has a great AA program going. Charlotte has tons of meetings at all hours day and night. What you do is call 704-332-4387. That's the Charlotte AA hotline. You WILL get a real live person, a recovering alcoholic just like me and just like you're about to become. That person will guide you to the nearest meeting, even tonight if you can go.But nobody pressures anybody in AA. All of us in recovery know very well that the suffering alcoholic must willingly do the footwork to launch themselves into recovery. And from what I see from you on here, you're doing this!! Congratulations!

I've been going for many years, but when I walked into my first meeting I felt like I was finally home. I wasn't alone with my disease anymore. I was desperate and felt hopeless when I went, and when I drove home from that meeting I was filled with hope. I just wrote this a couple of days ago for a person who was heading to their first meeting, I'll paste it in here for you: "Try to look for a positive "spirit of recovery" there; and then engage that spirit and cling to it. That spirit is what's going to save your life. Sure, if you get a bunch of people together anywhere you have a difference in age, backgrounds and thinking. But you'll find that certain spirit in everyone who is really serious about their recovery."

I was quite busy yesterday with weekend yard and house work, but I'm usually on here during the week. Please keep in touch and keep posting. You can do this!!

[chichi677]

I have to stop drinking...thank you for replying.  I feel miserable once I start and it is no more fun.  I am 54 and have RA and 4 joint replacements...so I changed to wine...which does not hurt my joints as much, but I want to look better, sound better when I talk and do not want to proceed with the downfall that I know is only too close.  How do i approach the people at AA?  To be honest...I wish I could just drink on fri and Sat...no eeryday...and I know that it is not possible.  I feel like I am chasing my own tail...
Chichi

[OpenMind24hours]

The only answer is to completely stop drinking.  I've stopped. But I'm always one drink away from a drunk. Once I start I can't (or just don't want to) stop. I don't drink alcohol it drinks me. Drinks me up completely. So today i choose not to drink. Stopping is actually doable. It just requires the desire to want to get your life back. Today I don't have to drink. I tried to stop on my own but I couldn't. So I went to AA. They saved my life. On this site we will also give you lots of support. What do U think??