Is my boyfriend an alcoholic?

Question

I am so completly in love with my boyfriend of 2 years. We are both 20. 

He would drink every night if he had his own way, only for that i comment on it. He still drinks most nights though. I think he is "trying" to prove that he doesn't have a problem on the nights that he doesn't have a drink. Even when we are just sitting in watching a film, or even just the TV, he will have a drink if it was there. I have a feeling, when there is not any drink there, he would definitely go to the off-license to get some, but he knows i would have something to say about it.

Now don't get me wrong, he doesn't drink spirits on the week days, only cans or bottles of beers. But lately when we are down the pub with our friends, (who are mostly lads), he tends to get 2 Jack Daniels and Coke at last orders, and he would neck them back, quite fast!! 

I have also caught him out on a few things, like he told me he HATED Carlsberg, and yet a few times there has been Carlsberg left in the fridge, from like a party or something, and he would drink them if there was nothing else there. He also drinks REALLY cheap beers when he has no money, and they have to be horrible, but he drinks hem anyway.

At the weekends, if the funds are low, he would get SLAUGHTERED before going out, by drinking a nagan (a quarter bottle) or 2 of vodka, STRAIGHT!!! Recently we broke up for a week, and he works in an off-license, and we happened to be in our local together on a Wednesday night, watching the football match, and he told me he knocked by a nagan before he came down to the pub!!! What the hell is that all about????

Anyway, we are back together now, and i am MADLY in love with him, and always will be! One thing he says is "you don't have a drink problem unless you start hiding it from people, or get aggressive". I don't know whether this is true or not, but he NEVER gets aggressive, he actually gets very soppy and lovey dovey. He also never hides the truth about what he has had to drink.

So i really don't know what o think!! but i know it is not normally, and i don't know what to do to help the situation??? 

HHHHEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!

bratty5 · Answer

My bf is also an alcoholic and my opinion is that there is nothing you can do it is all his decision wether or not he drinks. I tried the old "stop or I will leave" yeah it doesn't work or at least it didn't for me. He wouldn't stop drinking for his kids and he wouldn't stop for me. But he did stop when he had finally had enough. Alcohol is a drug and can run a persons life just as much as a herion addicts life is run by herion. So you have to decide what you can live with because he may never stop, so if you can live with that then thats is totally your choice.
Good luck and there are many people here for support.

ibizan · Answer

and when it comes to loving an addict active in addiction liquid or another form who refuses change we are saving our own lives!Janis Joplin is famous for the saying don't compromise urself.....ur all u got.....she didn't practice this but i sure do!:)

boogieman · Answer

amen. sometimes we have to lose a relationship to save a life.   gm

ibizan · Answer

i flew solo for 10 years and met this man i just loved with a passion.He was clean from cocaine for 4 years.What was the most loving fun experience of my life turned into sheer misery.he began smoking pot and went back to the coke/and the lifestyle......he turned into the beast from hell......did not want help....and i had to remove him from my life.i've been sober/ clean 25 years....i tried to help.. support but he wanted no part of it.My sanity/ recovery is a precious thing and i will never allow anything or anyone to corrode it!I hope u safeguard your sanity and your son's life from further problems!:)

kjbutcher · Answer

First of all, I LOVE  the way you talk!!  Second, I am with an alcoholic.  We have been together for 7 years, since age 22.  It started like that and got to drinking constantly.  even when we were having severe money troubles he always had beer.  iwould be out borrowing money for the electric bill when he would spend that money on alcohol.  I understand you love him, but I would give it one last ditch effort to help him and if you cant then you need to go!  I always thought i could help and as it got worse and he began hiding it from people I would find myself helping him hide it.  Now he pays no attn to me, or our son.  he rejects doing certain family activities and fun events due to lack of alcohol.  it just isnt fun and very hard to get out of!  I hope you can keep yourself from being in my situation whether it be to help him out or run!

ibizan · Answer

its a roll of the dice as to what really will work.....my dayjob is alcohol/drug abuse counselor for 24 years....i have heard it all seen it all......and watch so many go on path of destruction despite what their loved ones feel........they seem to have numb brains and numb emotions as to their effects on others.....getting that buzz seems to be all consuming!i always say the dumbest question is the one not asked...never know until ya try...so its really a try try try until one is all tried out!

Delusion · Answer

Very good advice. Also try it in a soppy voice and make it present in your voice that it upsets you even a tear.. its mabye a little harsh but theres nothing worse for us than seeing a girl cry it makes us very very uncomfortable and guilty.. if you let him see its really getting to you i think he may talk about it

ibizan · Answer

Always wise to approach with I statements.......I get concerned when u.......I feel...when u.....and see what he does......ur letting him know how u feel and what u see in a non-accusatory tone and placing the ball in his lap to respond!

fabolous · Answer

i completely agree with your comment! ok it might not be extremely serious just yet, but how do i help him realise that he has a problem without seeming like a nag!!! i dont want to be one of these girls that try to control what their partners do all the time!!???

fabolous · Answer

thanks for your comment, to answer your question, no he doesnt get aggressive or anything like that, it is actually quite the opposite. he cant stop telling me how much he loves me, and gets quite affectionate! but it does still worry me, because who knows what this drinking could end up like in the future?!

Delusion · Answer

Not a knock at what boogieman has said but i would personally or in my opinion at least regard the frequency and quantity to be more important than what happens when the individual is intoxicated. I for example have done drinking binge pub crawls for 14 hours strait some nights consuming nothing but spirits yet ive never been noisey or hostile or argumentative to anyone i met on the street or inside the clubs and pubs. But on the other hand i have seen other guys who put 4 beers back and are clearly only very barely intoxicated but will go out starting fights and making lots of noise.

I am personally of the belief alcohol does not change us when we are drunk, im very laid back and generally nice to everyone and will always talk my way out of an engagement and this is reflected when im absolutely off my face as well. People who are violent and disorderly when drunk are nearly always partly this way when sober as well its to do with personality. 

As faboulous has said her bf does not get violent or agressive and i ask the question now other than perhaps being more confident does he really change a great deal when hes intoxicated?

ibizan · Answer

Wow!this lad can consume a great quantity!getting what u call slaughtered and drinking beer he professes to dislike are flashing red lights.....as usual boogie is right on with his comments......there is a developing problem to be concerned about but he has to realize it as a problem first!

boogieman · Answer

hi. the amount and frequency aren't as important as what happens when one consumes alcohol. and as far as beer vs. liquor, it's all the same as far as the body is concerned as it metabolizes. if he is already trying to control his drinking there is a good chance that he is at least developing a problem. has he had any negative repercussions from drinking (trouble at work, socially or legal)? please advise,   gm