Need some help and support

[luvmykids29]

I posted here back in June and thank you to those that have responded. I need to quit this cycle I am going through. I want to stop drinking and get back to the person I was before my momma died. I can't take it and I don't want the only memory my kids have of their mother is being a drunk. So, I am going to try and quit. I say try b/c if I put the pressure of completely quitting on my shoulders I will just get to overwhelmed and not do it at all. My background is, in a nutshell, HEAVY, HEAVY, drinking for about 9 months now. I am talking like its nothing for me to drink at 7am. This is so embarassing to put out there but I need to b/c I need the advice. I think I am to the point that if I completely stop I will have tremors or seizures and that scares me. I am a stay at home mom so it's even extra scary if that would happen while I was alone with them. So, any advice on what I should do? I already have gone to the ER and set up appts with therapy. Unfortunately, that doesn't start til the end of the month :(  I started this downward spiral in Sept. 2007 when my momma died from cancer. Since then I have had a baby, moved to a new house and the biggie....the effen economy has taken it's toll on our family. I know, welcome to the club. For a lil background info, I don't exactly know how much I drink. Just say that some days if I don't have to go anywhere with the kids I could drink from sun up to well past sun down. Ugh, that is so disgusting. Please, any advice or encouragement would be helpful. I am just looking for a plan to make it until I can get to my appt. the end of the month.

[dominosarah]

You just rock girl!!!  I am so proud of all of you!!!!         sara

[sograteful828]

yes, sara is so right, i love my teas, especially now that its cold, so i buy "Get Clean" or any everyday detox teas, along with vitamins and aminos. and of course a diet rich in fruits and veggies, which should be easy since you have kids, they are usually on hand. i went down 2 pant sizes since i stopped drinking, i do pilates, and i chase my 1 year old around, but i cant believe the wight gain from alcohol and laziness from the alcohol.

i am so glad you are checking into some care for yourself, i am more than happy to fill in any free time if you ever need to talk, yell, or need a shoulder to cry on. i am here to both give and recieve support. you really helped me today with your story, God i planned my whole day around when the liquor store opened, not every day, but most. and if i didn't drink boy was it a struggle, but i was so determined to prove i wasn't an alcoholic, i thought you had to drink everyday to be that. how stupid and ignorant i was.

anyway, good luck with your calls to AA, i will help any way i can, make sure you get a sponsor or at least have a "buddy", someone you can talk to before you pick up that drink. never be ashamed to ask for help, it will save your life, and i want to commend you for the mother you are, trying to improve your life and overcome your addiction. not just sitting by waiting for the disease to ruin their lives as well as your own.

keep in touch and thanks again for sharing...don't give up!!!  one day at a time, sometimes, one minute at a time...whatever it takes

[dominosarah]

I would also recommend some sort of vitamins or aminos now.  We need to get our bodies healthy again too.  When i cleaned up i took Ester C, B-6 and B-12.  Walmart has this 5htp that helps with anxiety.  It is just vitamins and can be bought OTC.  Keep yourself busy, get yourself into aftercare.  We were all nervous about going to meetings in the beginning too.  You will find that you will feel right at home if you find the right meeting.  You are a good mom and a good person.  You need to figure out why you want to numb yourself up.  Keep posting here.........sara

[ibizan]

keep busy keep ur mind distracted focus on loving them taking good care of them...sure sounds like ur a loving mom...all that **** in ur head will pass...get replaced with more ****..and that leaves too..the cycle of the human monkey brain......MOST important don't take that first drink.......AA has some truisms....this 2 shall pass....one drink is too many and a 1000 never enuf!

[luvmykids29]

If I can't love myself at least I love them that much. I don't wanna be the next national news story of a drunk driving mom.
I am feeling sooooo much anxiety right now. I don't know what to do. I just wanna crawl in bed and sleep but I can't. I have a lil guy that needs to get lunch and get ready to go to school. Also, a beautiful lil princess that wants to eat too! Trying to get through this day is tuff :( Gonna try and stay busy...clean the kitchen, hang curtains...etc....

[ibizan]

oh that is so good to hear......no driving under the influence with kids in car!sigh of relief!:)

[luvmykids29]

Thank you for sharing that with me :)  I read your profile and I can relate to you. I had an episode about 2 weeks ago where I cut myself and had to go to the hospital. My husband found this therapist/psychologist (not sure what her title is) that specializes in grief/ addictions so I am hoping that she can at least guide me in the right direction. For now I am gonna take ibizans advice and call the AA hotline today to see about times for groups. I am making attempts at trying to stay busy and accomplish at least one goal a day. I realize that if I stay busy I don't even think about it. One thing I do know is that being a stay at home mom is not for me. Looking for work though is not easy. Being a stay at home mom for the last 4 years doesn't look good on my resume. That has been hard on me not even getting call backs. I think I applied for about 30+jobs and got not even a call from one of them. I just am hoping it will happen soon. Anyhow, thanks alot for sharing with me and for the advice.

[luvmykids29]

I am gonna get in touch with AA today to see about the meetings. They just make me nervous. If anything though I can manage to not drink when I have to take the kids to appts or the store. Thanks :)

[sograteful828]

wow, my heart goes out to you and especially your kids. you are really caught in the grips of this horrible disease, i was in the exact same place not long ago at all, my first day sober was Aug 28th, 2009, after being admitted by ambulance against my will. i have a 1 year old baby girl, and i just thang God she was not old enough to see or remember most of my behavior. thats why i feel for the kids, always, we dont think they know, but they do....i knew what my dad was doing, etc.   anyway, so glad you want help, thats the MOST important part is wanting help. sick and tired of being sick and tired.  i am a stay at home mom, and i will tell you, i CANNOT do it on my own, i have tried and failed trying it my way. after i was released a began AA meetings, every day, i have not missed one day, sometimes i go to 2. you will find babysitters if thats your next question, they are good people, but if you arent into AA, there are other programs out there. i went to therapy and got drunk and/or high before and after my appts. therapy may help with your emotions, but unless it is someone that can helo you with your disease i wouldnt count on therapy ALONE.  i would like for you to read my journal, this letter has touched many people on here and has helped save my life. i saw it while i was in the hospital, now i keep it close to heart. it is your disease talking to you, you will see what your disease needs to grow, so dont let it.

i hope you get the help you need and are looking for, and good for you for reaching out, now its time to take another step forward and we are here to help. i wold act asap, before something bad happends like it did  to me, your babies need you....please, if not at first for yourself, for them, but then when you do start your program, you and your sobriety have to come first!!!  thats where your support kicks in with those precious kids.

Thanks for sharing

[ibizan]

i went back and re-read my comments to u in June....all i can add is to get to some 12 step meetings b4 ur appointment..u need to be around sober ppl...and PLEASE NO DRIVING KIDS when u've been drinking!