44 Days :-))

[wanttobeclean]

Nothing else...just feeling the need to blab it out there...

[enocenip]

I want to respond specifically to your comments about stress from nasty coworkers.

Years ago I read 'Mastering your Moods' by Melvyn Kinder. He divides people into four personality types, Sensors, Dischargers, Focusers and Seekers. It sounds a bit simplistic, but as 'poles' for reference, the framework is useful. I quit job after job, despite pleas from my bosses, sometimes giving up an enviable salary, because I took people and myself too seriously: I was a 'sensor.' You may think of a sensor as 'weak' because they are 'sensitive.' But a land mine is 'sensitive,' and I kept blowing up. And these were times I was _not_ drinking. I mention all this because trouble with people is frequently a cause (or excuse) for relapsing.

So for what its worth, I'll relate what I wish I'd done. Obviously, the first thing is that you've got to do your job well. Trouble is, this leads to the very contradiction of the office environment. You work hard to do your job well, your boss praises you, so what happens? Your coworkers resent it and want to cut you down to size. How can you be strong enough emotionally to deal with the jerks without becoming one yourself?

Each situation is different, but in retrospect, I should have dealt with the situation immediately. I work independently nowadays and at my age, thankfully, have been fortunate enough not to lose all my assets, so I can even think about going back to finish graduate school, which was always a dream.

But if I were starting out again, every time I got a job, I'd start by giving my boss a copy of Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People.' And if I had trouble with any coworker, I'd start by giving them a copy of the 'Meditations' of Marcus Aurelius - and then a copy of Carnegie.

But if you still have trouble with people, go to your boss! Don't just let the pressure build up until you're about to explode. If he/she knows you work hard and are good at what you do, he will act. If your coworker cracks some 'joke' which is really designed to needle you, call your boss over and invite your coworker to tell the same joke to your boss since, after all, maybe he'd find it funny too.

A word of warning: if you immediate supervisor fraternizes with coworkers who give you trouble, you may have to go a rung higher. I worked at a company where my immediate supervisor and my coworker talked openly about the cheap women they picked up bars - and my supervisor's wife was in the hospital having his kid. (That job didn't last, and it was the highest-paying job I ever had. It seems the higher you go, frequently, the worse the people are.)

I know this forum is about 'alcohol' and not work-related problems, but let's face it; work is not only vital to life itself and sobriety but work-related stress can be a main trigger for relapse if you're an alcoholic trying to stay sober.

Keep your chin up.

[Jacker]

WhoooooooHooooooooo!  Need I say more? That's quite a milestone.....Congrats!

[ibizan]

i can TOTALLY relate to pompous egocentric co-workers an unthinking humans.....i am fortunate to come home to  the love of my dogs and cats!i was recently dx'd with hypertension.....horrrible family history and was having symptoms of a stroke...now i know why they call it the silent killer of women....am on meds now and doing better...and KNOW that i have to let many ppl and their idiot ways ROLL off my back....u won't change them....don't let em live rent free in ur head...oh yes easier said than done but it must be done for they aren't giving u a 2nd thought while u waste energy stewing about them!u r a very good writer and i understand what ur feeling cuz i feel and have felt what u r!:)

[wanttobeclean]

Thanks for the support.  I appreciate it more than you can imagine.

While I know there's no point to obsessing about what happened to Ned, or fuming about the way that the totally pompous and disrespectful  people I work with every day make me feel, those things just seem to sap my thoughts and suck me in. Sometimes I don't feel like I can put those feelings aside and live my day.  But ...things feel better today. For some unknown reason, they do.   One of the things I was reading in one of the many recovery books I seem to amass is that no matter how bad things are, no matter how horrible an event or how intense an emotion feels, it WILL pass.  As simple as that notion is, I have a had a hard  time really believing it.  When you are really upset or infuriated or  feeling inferior...it doesn't seem like anything could make those feelings get better.  But they DO.  Even though nothing has changed since yesterday, the emotions aren't as intense and I am getting through my hours without my attention being swiped back to what's going on in my head.

Does that make sense??  I hope I can get across what I mean...I'm not the best writer...that's for sure!

Anyway, thanks again for your support and encouragement.

[ibizan]

oh Lord girl...i have been where u r at sooo many times in the first 9 months of my recovery......such an emotional rollercoaster!but i held on as u must......AA member chose that OD......nothing u coulda done......love that saying therefore by the grace of God go I......in my day job as substance abuse counselor i see overdoses,suicides,ppl dying drunk in car accidents,drunk at home and fall down basement steps and die...i could go on and on but i won't.......u r doing so many right things to stay sober and keep it up!:)

[dominosarah]

We will just slow dance then.....I know you are struggling right now but you keep fighting this with everything you have.  Use your resources that you have in front of you.  Sending you strength and comfort.........sara

[wanttobeclean]

Thanks Maria and Ibizan!

Sara...I'm 54 days still clean and sober. I don't feel like dancing or celebrating today... I won't lie.  This week has tried my will and resolve.  Between the loss of one of our AA group members to an OD and some stressful things at work, I have literally dreamt about taking a drink.

But I have pulled out all the stops to NOT drink.  I have every member of my AA group in my cell phone and have called them.  I have opened up and cried on my husband's shoulder. I kept an appointment with an addiction psychologist and will be starting a group session with other people in my same profession.   I have yelled into the air and punched a pillow.  

I am fighting and scratching my way out of this hold that alcohol and drugs have on me.  

Sorry to be a mood wrecker.....I'm just very "off" today.

[ibizan]

sure is nice to see the postings and new ppl commenting in this forum...keep it up!

[merrymaria]

you can blab anytime you want to...i m proud of you amy...one day at a time...keep the faith my friend...maria :)

[dominosarah]

How are you doing?

[wanttobeclean]

Thanks Max!  

[max900]

Yay! Here's to your new found energy, happiness, & new dreams! :) Keep going my friend.
Wishing you a healthy, loving 2010 :)

[wanttobeclean]

Thanks so much!

Sara...I tried to do a happy dance too...I think I pulled a muscle...LOL!

It's been tough this last week...working long hours and I would always come home and pour a drink.  But one moment and one day at a time, and I kept saying no.

Thanks again..:-))

[dominosarah]

Keep on blabbin!!  Congrats on 44 days!!!    Think i will do a happy dance for you!!        sara

[Kobuk]

Hi, I'm glad for you.  Congrats!

[ibizan]

see?one hour atta time....one day atta time.......u keep going.....so nice to still have u here.....so many post start quit posting  and we never hear from them again.Stay with ur recovery.....stay here chatting with us!:)