functioning alcoholic

[59 and fat]

I live with a functioning alcoholic.  I don't understand how someone can drink 3 beers, have about 3 hard stiff drinks and then drink about 5 large glasses of wine a night then get up in the morning and go to work.  He obviously has a high tolerance to alcohol.  Sometimes he an become nasty, never abusive and othertimes he just talks a lot.    I have tried to talking to him about this problem and he gets angry because he doesn't see himself as I do.  So when he does drink excessively I stop talking to him until the next day.  He doesn't seem to have a problem with this.    Does anyone have a better way to handle this type of problem?

[ibizan]

i have confidence that everyone in this forum can arrest it.It is work but it can b done.No one can do it 4 u but u.I NEVER thought i'd ever give it up....never........and I did.One day atta time and many times one hour atta time.Used to chant the Serenity prayer at least 650x's a day!

[59 and fat]

I am sorry for the loss of your friends.  Sometimes it can be a wake up call and other times it just makes you go into further devastation.  hopefully not the latter.Getting my husband to the drs is not an easy feat.  When I talk to him about health issues not even related to his drinking because in his eyes there is no problem with his drinking, he said if he gets so sick he can't take care of himself, just shoot him.  Trying to make a joke out it but I have stopped laughing.  I told him to take care of himself if not for himself at least for his kids.  Even though they are all young adults, kids still need and want their parents.  And then again he makes a joke out of it.  So I just give up.  My daughter says I should go to Al Anon to help me with this but I don't think I am ready for that.  Anyway, how do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped.  Sigh.

You know you say you don't have it together and maybe you don't.  But you have something.  I can only imagine how tough each day is for you BUT you did not falter yesterday.  As bad as you wanted to have a beer yesterday you DIDN'T.  Something stopped you from doing it.  Don't you feel good about that.  Don't you feel like you conquered the desire as compared to the desire conquering you.  You got up this morning feel good and you should have--both physically and mentally.  I say keep up the good work.  One day leads to another which leads to another which leads...........and before you know it you can become like the reformed smoker who can't deal with second hand smoke.  I have confidence that you can continue to do this as difficult as it may be.

[dark69meat]

Well I know what's right for OTHER people and what they should do, but don't always practice what I preach.  Functioning responsible alcoholics are the most challenging, I do beleive this. Like I was telling 'ibizan'... health is becoming a bigger issue with me.  I've had friends die recently; long time friends...one age 50 dead, heart attack and 2 others strokes that were devastating leaving them partially paralyzed etc.   Bad news....

You need to monitor you husband somehow, but know that's a tall order.  The overweight thing is even more concerning.  The truth hurts, but he need to make a doctor appointment pronto.

I don't have it together; just appears that way.  Had a rough time yesterday and ALMOST went to the store and picked up some beer, but something stopped me.  I've have not determined what that is yet.  So here I am, day 11 clean and sober and not hung-over.  It is a good feeling, I have to admit.

Not saying I didn't want to get real messed up yesterday... ack

[59 and fat]

Thank you so much for the compliment.  I don't know how great I am but we all try to do what is right.  Somehow God has given the insight to be who I am and hopefully to be a good parent.  You are right that a functioaning alcoholic I feel must be challenging.  Because you can function in the outside world, hold down a job, in my husband's case--successful--have friends,keep your family, than there is no problem.  The fact that he is not aware of any health issues he feels fine.  But he is overweight and who knows what his liver function tests would show if he ever went to the drs.  

You seem to be getting your act together and I applaud you.  You know what you want, how your life should be and you are going after it.  Congratulations.  Just making the move in the right direction makes the start of a better person and you will become the person you want to be.  You are on the right track.

[dark69meat]

'It must be frustrating trying to change your husband w/ the habit.  I'm starting to think "functional alcoholics" are the most challenging to make change, like myself who's never "bottomed out" and/or have physical symptoms of alcohol.  Your husband is escaping reality for whatever reason, but it catches up with people hung-over and tried all the time.  He's not available fully to you and the kids;  I've been the same way.  Trust me, it took years to realize all of this for me, but I'm coming out of the fog slowly it's bright out there, and beautiful.  I don't know what the solution is '59 and fat'.  Hang in there, you sound like a great person and apparently holding your family together.

I just want to be a better person, bottom line.  It's time!  

[59 and fat]

Thank you for listening.  I guess it all comes down to him having to admit he has a problem and then doing something about it.  Once he does that he will have his whole family supporting him but we can't do that until he is accepting of the fact that he needs his booze.  There must be all forms of functional alcoholics because he doesn't drink during the work day or in the shower or during lunch or in a parking lot. But the fact that he drinks so much at night does mean he has a problem.  I don't know much about alcoholism as my family are just social drinkers if that much.  My children see their father and worry about him but their hands are tied also.  They are all young adults and love him but hopefully will not follow his foot steps. They have talked to me about his drinking and my answer to them until I can think of another one is that he is an adult and he know right from wrong.  He doesn't want to change right how so therefore I can't change him either. If there is a better way to handle this, I am all ears. Thanks for your help.

[ibizan]

The difficulty isn't stopping.....its STAYING stopped!I've done it for 23 years with the help of AA and NA.Had to change my people,places and things.......your children are watching you.....you ARE their role model for a father!

[roguehawkfan]

Like cheeps said, she divorced hers, like my wife did to me..That sent shock waves through my body but I still havent completely stopped though I am drinking alot less, A health scare doesnt always do it, I had a life threatening seisure and still drank..He has to want to quit, it comes down to that. Sounds simple and yet so very hard..Bless you

[59 and fat]

You are not the first person that has said they feel like I am their mother.  I guess it is just my make up.  Alcoholism is a disease and unfortunately you just can't take a pill to make it go away. Living with the disease has to be frustrating...knowing what you want to do but not being able to do it. One of the things that you have going for you is that you have admitted that you have a problem and are trying to fix it.  My husband doesn't feel he has a problem.  So until the wake up call, this will be his life.   I have realized that I can't fix what doesn't want to be fixed.   Lois  

[Charlie's girl]

I feel like you are my mother writing this.  It's crazy.  It may take a health scare for him to wake up and change.  
Life isn't easy with this disease...

Charlie

[59 and fat]

You are right, iti s tough.  I only hope that my 3 adult children don't fall subject to the same. They do see this in their father and it does bother them.  I never thought of his anger being a control factor but you are so absoutely right.  He is very much a control freak and this is one thing that he can't control or chooses not to contorl.  Ironically when he sets out to not drink at all for a few days he can do it but then he starts right up again.  He is overweight and I am sure he has some health issues.  I have asked him to go just for a physical, not mentioning his alcohol problem (which he doesn't think he has) and he refuses.  I think he is definitely scared about what he will hear.  I told my daughter that may be the only way he would stop or at least curtail his drinking is from a health standpoint.  I just don't see this happening until something drastic happens.  I hope that you are doing well and have the help and support to get you through your tough days.  Thanks for your help.

[Charlie's girl]

My father is an alcoholic and so am I.  There isn't much you can do until he is ready on his own.  It's tough.  He gets angry because he knows he has lost control.  Maybe a health scare will be the next step.  Good luck!

Charlie

[cheeps]

you can get support for this problem in a yahoo group called loving the alcoholic. good Group....


I divorced mine.....very high functioning and acted just the same as yours.....you can't do a thing about it except walk on eggshells. Free yourself.