once again i did it.. i feel so bad, i drank again, its like a big set back, 3 months without drinking and i mest up again... i found a paper that i dont remeber writing and it said:
"As i sit here in my thoughts i play the role of the main character, seing his life crumble in front of his eyes, which once followed the frase "you cant brink a good man down" who now questions his life and what has become of it, or should i say what ever is left of it. In this vision of his he understands why, why his life has broken down, its a disease, a desease only him and the once infected know about, sometimes he feels like yelling out "stop",
but its no use, its irreversavle, its catching up, one thing leads to another, and loneliness is much stronger, he puts himself in the hands of god, and prays, he prays hard for his diseas to go away, he prays hard for his life to get restored, their is no use, he is infected and broken. Remenising times when he should have tried to save himself, now its visible, and he knows what to do, but it is to late, he is infected, he lost his wife, his life, but now he ses why this happened, his desease, this desease caused him to brake down. god is his only reasurance. god is his strength. This one good man is down. all of his visions of life have changed what he knows up until now is useless. he lived a life of lies, and confusness, he turns back to those who helped hom, helped him be were he is now, but no one is their, everyone seemes to have gone their own ways but this broken man prays, he prays for his life, he prays for his family, the family that does not go away, the family that is with him everyday. I tell this good man pray, pray for what you have left, pray, god will hear you, your are not to late, pray, only this will save you now, pray, god knows "you cant keep a good man down" pray