to All my gang!

[TJack]

I really don't know what to say. I am a screwed MeSS!!  Rehab was absolutely great.  I was like a leader for the younger ones, they called me Nana.  Life was good.  But, hey guess we can't stay locked up forever.  It was such a great experience, after the first day, when i thought i would die.  I am back to my same old garbage, the wine.  
I am so ashamed, to have spent that kind of money, our co pay was $1000 for 25 days and i  thought i had all the tools to make it work.  I think my first clue was when my counselor told me not to be too hard on myselrf when i messed up!!!  I said, hey that can't happen.  We go into this deal being told 1 in 10 will make it, isn't that a great!???
Oh Dear God, i don't know what to do.  One gal who was there with me is on suboxone, but she was also taking hydrocodone.  I have got to do something.  Evidently my willpower is NILL~~  I am sorry guys, I don't get it?? What is wrong with me?  I never forgot any of you!  Hugs, TJ

[ibizan]

i 2 practiced 5 mins at a time,one hour atta time,and so on and so forth in timed increments......still works today with wading thru the maize of daily life manure!

[billgonz1]

I to drank for 25 years .And now have 2 years recovery . I went to detox at leased 10 times . I never cared for A.A. So I went to therapy . Worked much better for me . that and the Vivilrol shots . And I heard the recovery % is lower than 10 % . But if you keep tring it will be your turn . I was hopeless . just keep tring and think of all the money and liver you will save . I bet liver disease is harder than quitting .  Bill

[Scptt]

I am a recovering alcoholic who struggled with addiction for over 25 years. Hit rock bottom when arrested on a felony. I quit drinking and have been sober for going on 2 years. Sample of what is on my blog.

I am a human being with a spirit, a mind and a body. I have hopes, dreams, aspirations, frustrations, challenges, disappointments and victories. I am a recovering alcoholic. But that is not all that I am. That is not the most important part of who I am. I am a recovering alcoholic, but I am not my alcoholism! I am a human being first. This is one of the important realizations, that finally helped free me from a life long addiction to alcohol. It is my sincere desire to help you claim this victory for yourself

I understand first hand, how difficult overcoming alcoholism can be. I struggled with alcoholism for over 25 years.


Yours In Recovery

James Scott Murphy


Please visit my blog
http://akara-alsoknowasarecoveringalcoholic.blogspot.com/

[boogieman]

howdy. a couple of thoughts. when i crawled back into the real world, another alcoholic told me that if i would just stay sober for the shortest amount of time i could handle (a day, an hour, a minute at a time) that the other stuff would work out. so far it has. i still go to meetings, i'm on about 5 different meds including campral, and i am learning to deal with this messed up world as i go. and it sux sometimes, but it's better than being in a seclusion room in a psych ward watching demons come out of the walls, or wanting to drink enough to insure permanent unconsciousness. i also have come to find out that the god that took my hand when i reached out will also let me kill myself if i choose to. free will can be a b i t c h. and people can be worse. but when i was ready, the right people and god were both there for me. now i help them wait for the next person, and that makes it worth the effort. take care,   gm

[ibizan]

The guy i mentioned on the Naltrexone said taking it once a day better as he remembers vs.3 times a day with Campral he also does a lot of AA in my Recovery Goup and 2 sponsors!.....Campral was working for u!ur old sponsor is old school!There all  kinds of meetings in LA..all kinds!Hope u check em out!And Tommy abstaining and rehab musta worked for me....guess i'm one of the 10%...AA NA SOS and Rational Recovery...all of em...took what i could use and left the rest...cuz i got 25 years sober/clean!Like Natalie Cole i have what she calls mental resolve or i'm just a strong willed Slovenian-Croatian!Good gene pool!

[TJack]

This is my meeting and i am taking in all you say.  I have campral, if i would just take it regularly it might help lots.  It did before.
Ibi, i didn't blame my sponsor for not wanting to work with me, but when i asked if i could still call her, which would have been for some support, she said No.  Tells me she is a Christian, but that doesn't sound to me like something Jesus would tell someone.
Oh well, i have moved on and we are leaving for LA in the a.m.  Be gone a week to 10 days. When i get home i have to do something.  I wanted to go to a Celebrate Recovery group but i don't think we have one here.  I will call the two towns north of us and get info.  Hubby is disappointed as am I, but he does understand more so what is going on with this disease.  It is a big step accepting the disease part of this.  Thank you for your posts.   Oh and i was afraid i couldn't get the suboxone for alcohol abuse, even though when i was on it a year and a half ago for hydro, coming off,  i didn't want alcohol either.
So i am thinking it does help but do not believe the dr. or my insurance would go for it.
thanks lots guys.  TJ.

[tommy47]

Dont beat yourself up about rehab.
ibizan mentions Naltrexone. There is no evidence to show that this will help if you abstain.
It takes about three months of drinking with 50mg Naltrexone daily to retrain your brain into not wanting to drink.
try reading.

www.gather.com/sinclair+method

I've tried it for the last six weeks. Not cured yet, but no side effects, no shakes or DTs no big binges. Makes sense to me.

Tommy47

It makes sense to me

Abstaining,rehab etc do not cure the problem. They have at least a 90% Failure rate. they just get you ready for the next big

[ibizan]

Have u ever tried Naltrexone?Got a guy on it now 3 x's thru rehab this last almost killed him and also his last chance to salvage family relationships....he is doing well.Suboxone is for opiate addicts.As for the sponsor thing...i wouldn't sponsor someone who desired to drink and wouldn't go to meetings....but if one keeps away from the alcohol and drugs and is willing i do/will help.How does this affect ur hub?Not trying to lay a guilt trip on u but how much more can he take of this?think of how worried and pained he is watching u anethesize urself!

[boogieman]

hi. i know for me, my best thinking has gotten me in the worst trouble. it seems i have 2 brain cells left, and they fight constantly. it's definitely harder once we leave the safety of a treatment center. my first few trips i couldn't wait to get out, and the last few i was begging them to keep me a few more days. when i talk with those currently in treatment, they often say they are afraid to leave---to which i tell them that means they have a shot at sobriety. as far as sponsors, there are some out there that take what i call a militant recovery approach, and they seem very cold and uncaring on the surface. some people need that. i for one didn't take to kindly to being called an idiot by one. i may be insane, but i'm not an idiot. you should be able to find someone who will work well with you, and guide you in your journey. as long as you have a desire to stop or stay stopped, you qualify for help in my book. keep trying and keep getting back up. take care,  gm

[TJack]

Yep you are both right.  I want to isolate!  Made myself get up and go to church this a.m.  I probably wouldn't have but my hubby will not go without me and he loves it and i do as well, once i am there..
On the sponsor deal,  about 3 mos. ago  I told her my heart really was not in it, i was just going through the motions.  She said okay, i don't have time to waste on you.  I said, can i still call you and she said No.  So that left a bad taste in my mouth.  
I have no one to blame but myself for this **** i am going through.  I felt so safe in rehab at St. Pete's, i should have known that was not the real life, in fact i told several when we coined them out that tomorrow is when the rubber meets the road.  no duh!!
I am glad to have you all there for me to reach out to.
Oh and Ibi, the gal in rehab isn't still taking hydrocodone.  She was taking that and drinking wine and is now on suboxone.  She has the same insurance as me and i am thinking of calling the insurance to see if they would cover for me as well, but i doubt it since my deal is wine,  But i know for a facet when i was on it a couple of years ago, i didn't want booze or anything.  Thanks guys for being there.  Hugs, Tonya

[ibizan]

yeah i recall rehab being a protective cocoon.....insulated from the realities of life....but here u r again....gal taking hydro and subox together JEEZ!that can stop her heart!i agree with the Boogiemeister..r u going to meetings?called ur sponsor?r u isolating?something tells me u r and i LOVE the saying...an alcoholic and or addict alone is in bad company!

[boogieman]

howdy. good to hear from you. has nothing to do with willpower, this is what we do. i don't exactly know how many times i went into treatment, i'm told 20+. amazingly enough this last time i didn't go to rehab, i did it the old fashioned way---shakes, seizures, hallucinations---all the fun stuff, but for whatever reason, what i was told my first time around in '91 finally stuck---and i was ready. at least now you know you can stop, staying stopped is the tricky part and it takes practice. have you been to any meetings? whatever you do, don't give up and stay in touch----------gm