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4mg klonopin, 3,200mg Gabapentin, 3mg Xanax, 2mg subutex

I haven’t done anything fun for almost four years. My anxiety keeps me in my house. 10+ years on these meds, and the only thing that helps, is more benzos. Is there anyone out there like me, who has a medicine that works on depression and anxiety!?!? I’ve tried a few antidepressants, Wellbutrin, seriqul, I have tons of motivation, no drive. Anxiety keeps me at home, unless I have a ton of benzos in me. I think the Gabapentin has made me less ambitious, I don’t know. All I know is life is horrible, unless I have the meds I need, which would be 8mg of klonopin a day, that’s it.
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We're all different.  The problem with using benzos regularly is that they are addictive, which means dreadfully hard to stop taking and they poop out, requiring you to keep taking more just to avoid withdrawal and also taking more just to get the same effect.  You're on quite a stew -- two different benzos acting on the same neurotransmitter, GABA, one which can be weird for many people (Xanax) especially when combined with another benzo (they tried me on those two at the same time and I got worse) and gabapentin, which basically creates an alternate GABA system alongside the one you're born with.  Wellbutrin is for depression, but it's the most stimulating of the antidepressants other than taking pure speed, and so can make anxiety worse for many people.  These days the antidepressant most use if it's anxiety and not anxiety caused by depression are the SSRIs, with the tricyclics next.  If the anxiety is caused by depression, anything goes.  Seroquel isn't for anxiety at all, it's mostly used for sleep because it's so sedating it puts folks to sleep, which isn't great if you're taking it for what it's intended for.  You're not.  But when nothing works, they try odd things.  For me, benzos have never been all that useful as they wear off so quickly and then you're really tired.  Antidepressants worked better because they worked all the time, but they never worked all that great, it was just better than not being on them.  In the end, the only way to beat it is with therapy, which doesn't work most of the time but when it does you don't have to deal with it all anymore.  The meds, though, got me in the end when I tried to stop taking one of them, and now I'm like you and nothing works.  But for you, if you've tried everything and the only thing that works is benzos, then that's what you need.  But that's again assuming you did try everything else.  Peace.
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So many of us are left with medication mixtures to calm our overbridled and aimless tendencies. These are patterns of the sympathetic nervous system. Our designed model of progress does not align properly with human needs. It's my opinion that we must change our environment, our landscape and our life structures. We need nature, up close, love, up close, understanding up close, relaxation, art and music. But our model needs to a different course, the sublimation of capital and money for everything has made it hard to even breathe. Some have moved to the beach, Spain, Italy or other more relaxed universes and found relief in fresh food, kind people and less stress.
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