Aa
Ocd or what?
Dear Friends,
For the last 4 months i live in a hell. About 4 months ago i broke up with my girlfriend. I was feeling quite down and i made a mistake i deeply regret. I slept with a couple i met on internet. I had unprotected sex with the lady and gave oral sex to her boyfriend. I know it is pathetic crazy insane but i did it.
After the incident i realized that i put myself on risk. I visited an std clinic about a month later and had been tested for chlamydia , gonorea, hiv ands yphilis. All negative. They told me that hiv is not conclusive but for some strange reason theyd idnt find my exposure very risky.
A couple of days later is tarted worrying about hiv. So i went to a hiv positive community and got tested with the saliva test. The volunteer said it is negative. I thought i saw a faint line but he insisted that it was allc lear.
I left puzzled and confused and started obsessing that he infected me by touching my hand just because he was hiv posotive. I know my thoughts were offensive and stupid but i could not stop thinking. After a couple of days i got convinced that the est was negative but i couldnt stop thinking that the guy put the test in his mouth before giving it to me. I knew that this never happeneed but back to that time it seemed plausible in my mind.
As youc an imagine i sarted obsessing even more so iv isited one very popular clinic in london at 50 days post exposure and had a duo test. It came back negative but.... I was sure that the dr used the same needle because he was very tired during the appt.
Deep inside i knew that i was paranoid but could not help it.
At 56 days i visited an std nhs clinic and had a full std panel.a ll negative. During the examination i felt a bit dizzy and i immediately convinced mys elf that i have a rare strain of hiv thatc annot be found by modern duos or i have hiv 2.
I started thinkingt hat maybe nhs has no proper equip,emt and at 78 days i visited a private std clinic for hiv again.all negative. I started feeling happy but after a couple of days mytongue turned white and it became sore, i felt that i have hpv and hiv coinfection and returned to the same private clinic for another hiv test.
This clinic used to email results but when i called if orgot to mentiont hat iw ant my results emailed and they thought that iw ant to obtain ther esults over the phone. So theya sked me toc all in an hour when the dr would be there.
I immediately thought that my test is positive. I suffered a panic attack. A bit later dr called me and said that results were negative.
This incident stressted me more. At 89 days i told myself this is ti,e to get your conclusive result so i decided to have a rapid duo. Test was negative but the backround of the ab area was very pinky with a white line, dr said it is negatice because the reaction line is dark red. He alsos aid that the backround was pinkyd ue to the blood fllow. I got so strssed. He reassured me that test is negative but couldnt believe him. When i paid to leave i even felt that the reception lady was looking at me in a sorry way.
At 93 days i got a duo ata. Lab which came back negative. However the lab mispelled my name so if reaked out that if they make clerical mistakes thn they can mix blood as well.
At 95 days i went to have another duow hichc ame back negative. But this time i was sure the same lancetw as reused so i 109 days i had a pcr test whichw as negative but then ir ead that itc annot diagnose hiv2.
Is topped focusing on myw ork. I randomly found your site and it made me realize that my problem seems psychological and not virological.
I still have a painful mouth although my dr could not find candida in the culture. My tongue is very hairy but myd r says that this is anxierty. Even mouth pain can be caused by anxiety.
Sorry for my english. I am verys cared and not a fluent speaker.
Seeking for advise. I a,w illing to ask for help.
For the last 4 months i live in a hell. About 4 months ago i broke up with my girlfriend. I was feeling quite down and i made a mistake i deeply regret. I slept with a couple i met on internet. I had unprotected sex with the lady and gave oral sex to her boyfriend. I know it is pathetic crazy insane but i did it.
After the incident i realized that i put myself on risk. I visited an std clinic about a month later and had been tested for chlamydia , gonorea, hiv ands yphilis. All negative. They told me that hiv is not conclusive but for some strange reason theyd idnt find my exposure very risky.
A couple of days later is tarted worrying about hiv. So i went to a hiv positive community and got tested with the saliva test. The volunteer said it is negative. I thought i saw a faint line but he insisted that it was allc lear.
I left puzzled and confused and started obsessing that he infected me by touching my hand just because he was hiv posotive. I know my thoughts were offensive and stupid but i could not stop thinking. After a couple of days i got convinced that the est was negative but i couldnt stop thinking that the guy put the test in his mouth before giving it to me. I knew that this never happeneed but back to that time it seemed plausible in my mind.
As youc an imagine i sarted obsessing even more so iv isited one very popular clinic in london at 50 days post exposure and had a duo test. It came back negative but.... I was sure that the dr used the same needle because he was very tired during the appt.
Deep inside i knew that i was paranoid but could not help it.
At 56 days i visited an std nhs clinic and had a full std panel.a ll negative. During the examination i felt a bit dizzy and i immediately convinced mys elf that i have a rare strain of hiv thatc annot be found by modern duos or i have hiv 2.
I started thinkingt hat maybe nhs has no proper equip,emt and at 78 days i visited a private std clinic for hiv again.all negative. I started feeling happy but after a couple of days mytongue turned white and it became sore, i felt that i have hpv and hiv coinfection and returned to the same private clinic for another hiv test.
This clinic used to email results but when i called if orgot to mentiont hat iw ant my results emailed and they thought that iw ant to obtain ther esults over the phone. So theya sked me toc all in an hour when the dr would be there.
I immediately thought that my test is positive. I suffered a panic attack. A bit later dr called me and said that results were negative.
This incident stressted me more. At 89 days i told myself this is ti,e to get your conclusive result so i decided to have a rapid duo. Test was negative but the backround of the ab area was very pinky with a white line, dr said it is negatice because the reaction line is dark red. He alsos aid that the backround was pinkyd ue to the blood fllow. I got so strssed. He reassured me that test is negative but couldnt believe him. When i paid to leave i even felt that the reception lady was looking at me in a sorry way.
At 93 days i got a duo ata. Lab which came back negative. However the lab mispelled my name so if reaked out that if they make clerical mistakes thn they can mix blood as well.
At 95 days i went to have another duow hichc ame back negative. But this time i was sure the same lancetw as reused so i 109 days i had a pcr test whichw as negative but then ir ead that itc annot diagnose hiv2.
Is topped focusing on myw ork. I randomly found your site and it made me realize that my problem seems psychological and not virological.
I still have a painful mouth although my dr could not find candida in the culture. My tongue is very hairy but myd r says that this is anxierty. Even mouth pain can be caused by anxiety.
Sorry for my english. I am verys cared and not a fluent speaker.
Seeking for advise. I a,w illing to ask for help.
Look you made a mistake, you know you made a mistake, and it sure seems like you learned from your mistake. I couldn't keep track how many times you tested negative in that novel, what 6-10 times negative? YOU'RE NEGATIVE!! I have been through what you went through, here I am years later doing fine. If you start to feel anxious tell yourself I TESTED NEGATIVE 500 TIMES!!! They are doctors for a reason, they know what they are doing, if they ALL told you, you are negative you are! relax buddy.
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