Above answers are very well informed. I will only add that do not worry. Nothing will happen
Hi paxiled, Thanks for your opinion. As I read through your post, i would just like to add a few things if thats alright. Firstly, in terms of the condom breakage, yes that did happen , not once but twice. The main reason for this was the lack of lubrication. Secondly, in terms of testing, I do plan on going for it as that is the only option of knowing whether i have it or not, on my terms basically. This is due to the fact that as part and parcel of living in said country(the one with worlds largest,biggest things possible-easy guessing now)you have to have mandatory health checks every 2-3 years to keep your legal status. A positive result of said checks, means within 2 hours or less of the results, you are dragged out of your house or wherever you are, handcuffed, taken in the back of a police car tot he airport and out on the first flight out. HIV considering all the 'progressive' things they announce and do, is still a major taboo, only spoken of in whispers. If the result is a negative result, alls well that ends well right.! But the tiny thought of it being positive, me having to leave my family behind forever in humiliation and disgrace is whats gotten to me. Yes I do agree with you that sex workers aren't the most trusted sources of information. It was a major MAJOR lapse in judgement when i decided to do this and has quite literally put the FEAR OF GOD in me, vowing never to do this business again.
The conclusion that i see, to this whole saga is when i get close to the test, I am going to tell parents about this. I know its gonna hurt, but it would be FAR worse if i went behind their backs, did the test, got a positive and then just hit them in the face with ton of bricks with the news.
Also in terms of therapist, they are available but due to the christmas break and nye it not easy getting a hold of someone, unlike the western world.
First of all, if you have an anxiety problem generally, you need to address that in therapy with a psychologist who specializes in the treatment of anxiety. You don't say where you live and if that's available to you, but a chronic anxiety problem has nothing to do with a particular problem, it has to do with the way you think. If you have one phobia about getting STDs, you might be able to fix that yourself by working on it but even there you might benefit from a therapist. Now, as to your present situation, I'm going to wonder if your condom actually broke since they almost never do and a lot of people come on the HIV site here saying it slipped, it broke, etc. when it actually didn't. So the first question would be, how do you know it actually broke? How do you know exactly when it broke? So that part may be part of your phobic thinking or it could have happened, you could be one of the rare times that does happen as it isn't never. If it did break, go get tested. Why not? Why keep asking when no answer will settle you? If there's any even minute chance you got exposed and it's bothering you this much, getting your anxiety fixed will take time and you need to live in the meantime so again, go get tested, assuming the condom actually did break. You'll get your negative test and be done with this occasion while you proceed to find help for your permanent anxiety problem. The fact you don't need the test, well, you're not accepting that. With time of course you will eventually forget it but you won't lose your anxiety generally. Now, I do have to tell you, you can't rely on anyone telling you they don't have an STD. They may not know. They may be lying. Paid sex workers are very high risk because they have sex with lots of different people and often don't have the choices the rest of us do to say no. Which means, if you have a phobia about STDs, why are you seeing sex workers until you fix that problem? If you just have sex within a relationship, if you want, you can always insist both you and your partner get tested before engaging in sex. You can't do that with a sex worker. But the main point here is, if anxiety is running away with you, you need some help to get back to being you and not being your anxiety and that's what therapists are for. Peace.