Aa
Back to the begining :/
I never thiught that i would be back in this situation again. I had promised to mu self and to god that i will never throw away the gift i recieved last year of having a negartive std test. I am back o this road again. I wasnt strong enough to hold on. Havent Had a complete relationship for over a year now. I needed it so bad and i didnt think clearly. I kissed and had unprotected oral sex with a call girl. I didnt even finish it because i got scared about stds and told her to stop. But the harm was done. Now i am in the same anxiety and i feel that all the pain that i felt last year will come back at me. I am hopeless and i dont diserve the chance i got :(
I know and you are right in everything you said. I was able to live like a normal person until i was notnstrong enough. I feel i am exposed to this hell again. I know that other stds can be spread via oral sex. I am really scares of hepatitis because like hiv its for life. In my country the army its like an organaisation for spending money i n th wrong direction. They dont have the resources or the will to offer psychological help to the soldiers. I will have to solve this on my own...
WHY in the world would you think you couldn't seek help while in the Army? That's not right. If anything, I'm sure they would PREFER you to get some help with the anxiety, so you could be healthier, physically and mentally.
You're catastrophizing this event, and making it into something it isn't. You didn't let anyone down. Seeking out a partner for a sexual encounter is as normal as the day is long. And, you didn't do anything risky, because as you know, unless you're having unprotected vaginal or anal sex, you don't have a worry, for HIV. Other STDs can be easier to contract, but even that would be highly unlikely from the encounter you described.
You've been suffering with this anxiety long enough. You're never going to move past this and be able to have normal sexual relationships unless you address the anxiety, and the unreasonable guilt feelings you have.
You're catastrophizing this event, and making it into something it isn't. You didn't let anyone down. Seeking out a partner for a sexual encounter is as normal as the day is long. And, you didn't do anything risky, because as you know, unless you're having unprotected vaginal or anal sex, you don't have a worry, for HIV. Other STDs can be easier to contract, but even that would be highly unlikely from the encounter you described.
You've been suffering with this anxiety long enough. You're never going to move past this and be able to have normal sexual relationships unless you address the anxiety, and the unreasonable guilt feelings you have.
I am so embarassed that I came here to seek help after all this kindness and help that you all offered me last year.I feel that I have betrayed everyone and everythink that gave me strengh including all of you :( . I am still in the army i cant seek professional help.I keep telling my self that my encounter was not a risky one and that I am worrying needlesly.I feel that I will brake down and all that pain will come back again.
Your problem isn't the encounter you had, but rather your thinking process about it, and your anxiety. Have you sought professional help?
6th day and I am still feeling horible.I keep reading posts and stories about how oral sex is considered safe sex and all that stuff.It helps a lot.
I havent slept yesterday and i am angry with mu self tjat i am back to the same road :/
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