Why is everything so difficult for me?

[WorriedOne84]

I'm having my 3rd session with my therapist here in a couple hours and I've totally started to freak out.  She had asked me to keep a journal of times I was having anxiety.  Well, I haven't been doing it and I can't exactly explain why.  I guess it's because I'm embarassed about it and afraid she will read it.  I have such problems with fear of people judging me and thinking I'm stupid.  Part of the reason might be that I just don't see the point in even fooling with it.  Nothing is going to help me I'm just destined to be alone and miserable.  I'd rather whine about my problems instead of doing the work it would take to fix them.  Actually I wonder how much of it is even fixable.  Maybe it's just my personality and there is nothing I can do about it.

[cheshchesh819]

firstly you have nothing to be embarrassed about,even though i do understand what you mean i felt a bit daft to explain to my family what was happening to me,but they were fine and willing to help me through it,but you have to want to help yourself to,your whole thinking is negative at the moment,you have convinced yourself you are going to be alone and miserable,you need to speak to someone about your emotional state of mind. try too be strong

[WorriedOne84]

It's hard not to get down on myself.  I just want to be normal - if that makes any sense.  Sometimes I just feel like a total loser.  Yeah, I'm always afraid of people judging me.  It's was hard enough going to her and telling her some of my innermost thought and feelings.  For some reason it's one thing to talk to her face to face but another for her to read what I have written.  I don't know why I can't just do it.  Now I feel like I'm back at school and am going to get in trouble for not having my homework.  It's making me extremely nervous about going.  I do feel alone a lot as none of the people that are closest to me understand what I'm dealing with.  It was very difficult to make the decision to talk to someone about my issues.  Every once in a while I'll have a moment where I think maybe I'm doing the right thing, then the self doubt hits again and I start questioning everything.  Thanks for taking time to respond.  I appreciate your input, support, and advice.

[cj29]

First of all, don't get down on yourself while you are going through this.  You have only had 3 sessions with your therapist, so you are just starting out with her.  You said that you are afraid of her judging you, so maybe you have to confront that fear before you are able to keep a journal.  Remember, that the therapist is there to help and that you are not alone in your experiences with this.  In my opinion, this can really seem like we are in this alone when in fact millions of people have had to deal with anxiety disorders, so don't beat yourself up about it.  The opposite is actually true; you have recognized a problem and have decided to confront it...that takes courage on your part!