Aa
I am very depressed
I was in a relationship for nearly two years an year ago, which broke off when my ex hooked up with my best friend. This was during my post-graduation of two years, and happened in a hostel. My best friend was also my room mate.
Because my relationship was not going so well, I focused on my ex more than anything else, so even though I am a very vivacious personality as a whole, I did not participate in much events or stuff, and had a generally low profile throughout my post-grad.
My room mate on the other hand was mostly single, very popular and outgoing. She does not step back when it comes to flirting and is very confident of herself, whereas I am of the shy-personality types.
Everyone in college was aware of my relationship with my ex, and when after college he hooked up with her, I had thought people would shun her because that was the usual thing that happened. Our common friends confided in me that they were shocked by what she had done, and were not really warm to her, but didn't break off any links with her either.
Now, she's engaged to him, still popular and very happy.
We have a reunion of my post-grad class this year, and she's coming to it. It's at my hometown so, I will be right here for it. The thing is, most of the class is already her friend, and when she goes there, I know people will gravitate toward her rather than me, and I will be left all alone..
I am over my ex, and I don't want to get back with him again anymore. But it hurts me that she is so happy even after what she's done.. She literally tore my life apart, and it's been very difficult to get back to my feet.. And she's going to be here again.
I am just getting very depressed by it all...
She came down once last couple of months back 'to justify herself to me' she said, but I didn't speak to her as I can't trust her again, and I don't want to forgive her and speak to her again anymore.. And yet I miss her friendship..
What do I do?
Because my relationship was not going so well, I focused on my ex more than anything else, so even though I am a very vivacious personality as a whole, I did not participate in much events or stuff, and had a generally low profile throughout my post-grad.
My room mate on the other hand was mostly single, very popular and outgoing. She does not step back when it comes to flirting and is very confident of herself, whereas I am of the shy-personality types.
Everyone in college was aware of my relationship with my ex, and when after college he hooked up with her, I had thought people would shun her because that was the usual thing that happened. Our common friends confided in me that they were shocked by what she had done, and were not really warm to her, but didn't break off any links with her either.
Now, she's engaged to him, still popular and very happy.
We have a reunion of my post-grad class this year, and she's coming to it. It's at my hometown so, I will be right here for it. The thing is, most of the class is already her friend, and when she goes there, I know people will gravitate toward her rather than me, and I will be left all alone..
I am over my ex, and I don't want to get back with him again anymore. But it hurts me that she is so happy even after what she's done.. She literally tore my life apart, and it's been very difficult to get back to my feet.. And she's going to be here again.
I am just getting very depressed by it all...
She came down once last couple of months back 'to justify herself to me' she said, but I didn't speak to her as I can't trust her again, and I don't want to forgive her and speak to her again anymore.. And yet I miss her friendship..
What do I do?
Best Answer
I am very sorry that this happened, as I know it broke your heart. But you need to hold your head high and continue to be the proud, and happy person you always were. She didn't really take him away, he left you for her so you really never had him to begin with. I don't doubt he cared for you, but for him to do this shows a lot about HIS character, and some day another will probably turn his head again and his current girl will be left, except this time there may be children involved! Your friend has tried to make amends, so I think she misses you as well. Yes, what happened was wrong, but if you want her as a friend then let her know this. You need to decide what is more important to you, and what you can live with. They were both to blame, but I think she did you a favor and one day you will see it as well. Never envy others or compare yourself to them because things are not always as they seem. You need to forgive, this isn't saying that what they did was right, or that you condone what the two of them did. Forgiving is laying down the anger and walking away, allowing yourself to no longer be a victim, or eaten up with anger. Go to the reunion and have fun. You don't have to speak to them again, but just by saying hi, smiling real big and congratulating them will show a lot about you as a person! I'm sure doing this will shock them, but your ex will see you for the sweet and wonderful person you are, and his fiance' will as well. You may even surprise yourself by realizing that you do want to be friends with her again, and the past is just that. Then talk to all your other friends and if anyone brings them up say how happy you are for both of them! It will be hard, but it will show everyone that you are no longer their victim. They will see the "you" they always knew, and be happy to see you back. Things happen to us in life which hurts us deeply, and then later in life we look back and laugh that we were so hurt by another's actions because we are now very happy. As for your friends warming up to her, that's just how life is, and they don't want to have to choose sides. It sounds like everyone is still trying to keep you involved, but your anger is preventing you from doing this. All that happened to you is like an anchor weighing you down, and you need to rid yourself of this so you can move forward with your life. It's no longer about them, but you. You need to get yourself in a better place emotionally. You're so young and your true soul mate will come along, I promise. Get back out there with your friends and have fun, enjoy your life! If you have withdrawn then your friends probably felt you needed time to heal, so show them you are back. Don't allow anyone to drag you into a long conversation about your ex, say something positive, short and do your best to be upbeat. If you are having a lot of trouble doing this, then I think it's time to seek some therapy to help you cope with all of it and to think in a more positve manner. Think about what YOU want and deserve in a man, and be proud of who and what you are! You have a lot of living to do, and this will prevent you from having this wonderful life if you don't let it go. This is not worth any more of your time and energy. Put all this into doing things you enjoy and are passionate about, and you will be happier and meet like-minded people. Do what YOU want to do, and don't worry about others. You're special, just by being you. Let all this go so you can move on, it's time to start enjoying life again. Maybe meet with your ex best friend and go from there. I wish you all the best and take care.
maybe you should speak to her tell her how upset she made you,you say you are over your ex but it sounds like you aint over your friend,you need closure on this so you can move on with your life,i cant see you both ever being close friends again but you could just be civil to each other when in the same room or something but this do need to be addressed.You also sound a bit insecure about yourself where your friend is concerned,like she is more popular than you and so on,why is this
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