severe STD anxiety

[nfcu1]

So this all started about a year ago. Me and my husband were seperated and I had unprotected sex with someone more than once. Awhile after that me and my husband got back together. Ever since then I have had this anxiety about having an STD. I never worried about this before because before that my husband was the only one I had ever slept with. Now that that has changed I just wake up every single day since then thinking that I have an STD. It's so hard because I cannot talk to my husband about it because I'm sure it will end our marriage. Anyway, since then for the last year my anxiety has been really bad. And only because of me thinking I have an STD. I have had about 3 panic attacks since then too. All of them at night when I'm laying in bed. I have seen my doctor and been tested for all STDs and they all came back negative so I already know that I don't have anything but it still stays in my head everyday. I just keep thinking maybe I tested too early (even though I tested after the recommended time frame) or I think maybe the lab messed up. I just don't know whether I should see a doctor or not at this point. Last night I had another panic attack and they feel so horrible. And today I have just had this nervous feeling all day. I just feel shaky and nauseous pretty much all day. I have also been constantly checking the STD boards on this website which I don't think is helping my situation at all. Does anyone have any similar experiences?

[nfcu1]

Thank you for your input. I think it is the guilt eating away at me. I think about it every single day. I pray every night and ask for forgiveness but the guilt just stays with me. I wish that I could tell my husband but I know that it would ruin our marriage. It was a huge mistake that I made. But we have been married since I was 17 and he was the only one that I had ever been with. When we were seperated and I did that I really didn't think that we were going to get back together. I really never knew that the guilt would cause so much stress on me. Not one day goes by that I don't think about it and have anxiety. I think maybe I need to talk to a therapist that way I could at least open up to somebody. Sometimes I think that I wish I could go back and change things but then I think about how it has made me a better person and how it has made me see how much I love my husband and my life. I just wish this anxiety would go away.

[jea73]

ive had a same experience but in my sitition i think its just the guilt taking a toll all of my tests came back normal and i had to tell my husband and to be honest it went away well aybe this helped -wish the best :D

[AnnieBrooke]

It kind of sounds like you are feeling anxiety about the sex you had when you were separated, and instead of letting yourself experience that anxiety for what it is (the fear your husband would leave you if he knew?) you have displaced it into a worry about STDs.  It's easier to worry about some things than others, and something you can get tested for (the STDs) is simpler and more contained than something you can't control (your husband's reaction).  That's where phobias come from -- a person focuses on something that it is possible to avoid so they won't have to address something bigger, vaguer and harder to deal with.  Go see a therapist, and see what can be done.  Talk about your feelings about your husband, and his possible reaction to what you did during the separation, and go from there.  Don't get stuck in a phobic reaction to mythical STDs.

Good luck.

[idhstd]

Well I have the same experience. I am living separately from my husband but not legally divorced. I had sex only once with a guy who had multiple sex partners before. I am feeling too anxious regarding the STD fear. Currently waiting for the window period to get over. Also have a feeling of guilt since my spouse wants to get back together now.

[SassyLassie]

Your obsession with having a STD is obviously causing the anxiety and symptoms you are experiencing. You have seen a doctor, been told all is well, so now, the best thing you can do is forget it, I know it is hard, but, you must for your own peace of mind. If you can't then maybe a visit to a counselor would be of some help.