Hi, My name's Erik and I'm new here so, hey. Just wanted t'throw that out there.
My question concerns a possible misdiagnosis of anxiety disorder that started when i was 18. (I am 22 years old now.)
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1. 19 years old.
I went to the doctor originally because of a few symptoms that were interfering with my everyday life. These included:
** Lack of Sex Drive** (I found this unusual at the peak of my virility),
** Inability to pay attention to school work or study, or even read anything longer than a magazine article. This had been a problem my whole life despite my high intelligence and placement in the gifted program, and had never once gotten good grades, but it was worse than ever.
** Inability to do many of the creative things that defined who I am , including playing the piano and writing music, painting, photography and writing.
As a result, my doctor diagnosed me with SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER, and prescribed PROZAC which was kind of a shock to me, considering that I had a lot of friends and was Historian of my Senior Class, and was not depressed. I think he just thought that because I wasn't friends with his daughter and said my mother was depressed, but who knows? I'm not a doctor..
Results: No help with the sex drive, no help with art or writing or music, and I stopped taking it after a year. For two more years, the problems persisted. I dropped out of school, and ran away to a city where I didn't know anyone.
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2. 21 years old.
I came back to school, and was ready to start doing something with my life, feeling that I once again was not living up to my potential.
I returned to school, hoping that maybe I had just needed some time off to mature or something. Unfortunately this would not be the case, despite my best efforts. I had an English class which I was very excited about, since it's pretty much the only thing in school I ever did well in as a kid, to the point that i even wanted to write a book. It was a portfolio class, so I could get by in the class without having to turn anything in until the end of the semester, thankfully. But as that date approached, I tried desperately to write to no avail. I would stare at the computer screen and be completely incapable of writing a single coherent sentence. I started to freak out and had a panic attack or two over a period of a couple of months because I was unable to understand why I couldn't -do- anything.
Right before my portfolio was due (20+ pages of writing), a friend suggested that I take some adderall. I had never taken anything like that before and obviously did not have a prescription, so I was cautious. But at the risk of failing out of school (again) I tried a pill one evening. Amazingly, I wrote the entire portfolio that night and went to bed. The semester was over and I was able to enjoy my summer commitment-free. Of course, I would have liked to work on my music or art, but I still was unable to maintain my attention.
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3. going on 22.
The summer had ended and I dreaded going back to school, despite the fact that I really wanted to graduate. I'm probably the smartest kid in my family, and my parents both have masters' degrees, so I was really wanting to get it out of the way. I went to my new doctor (my old one only sees children now) and explained to him my problems concentrating on school and my creative endeavours. He replied that concentration problems can be caused by GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER. I was a little surprised again, because I didn't feel any anxiety that was just random, generally. But I was willing to do what it took to get my life back.
He prescribed me EFFEXOR XR and gave me 20 XANAX.
***RESULTS***
After a couple of weeks, I began sleeping upwards of 13 or 14 hours per night, and began missing most of my classes because of it. My roommate would attempt to wake me up, but I would apparently say all sorts of crazy **** to him and fall back asleep, never remembering the events. Despite really wanting to do well in school, I was doing worse. As a result of missing class and other things, I began having panic attacks, with increasing regularity. While I'd had some once in a while before, there was always a good reason, and I felt this was normal for anyone. This was different. I was having upwards of 3 ANXIETY ATTACKS PER DAY, and thought I was going to die of a heart attack for sure. The XANAX would help if i had one, but nothing seemed to help the problems I had before that with concentration, and of course, I can live with a panic attack once every 2 months unmedicated. But there's no way I could deal with 3 a day on EFFEXOR, and failing out of school, and STILL being unable to play piano or write or read or draw.
So I stopped taking it cold turkey for fear of my educational career, which started a whole new host of problems. Pretty much the same stuff persisted, plus weird electrical sensations that never went away, to the point that I felt like bugs were crawling all over my body. I became really depressed for the first time in my life because I felt like I was wasting a whole lot of money on school I really wanted to complete, and was a shell of my former self
I went back to the doctor a month later
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22. WELLBUTRIN
Since EFFEXOR worked out so horribly (I'd say it was the worst period of my life) and had left me with so many residual problems (the crawling bug feeling, severe drowsiness, anxiety attacks, usw.) he decided that he should switch me to a new medicine. He suggested WELLBUTRIN SR, which I am still taking now. It got rid of the withdrawal symptoms I had before from EFFEXOR, and I feel somewhat like I did before the whole thing started. I am still not able to concentrate on any acceptable level, play music, write, or study. My libido is still limited to short, unfulfilling masturbation, which my doctor said this medicine would restore (it's been 2 years since I had any fulfilling sex). Basically everything is back at square one. I would say the peak of my attention span is right after i take the WELLBUTRIN (like right now).. but it's only a marginal difference from what I was capable of before this whole fiasco began.
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SO. After talking to my brother, who has both ADHD and BIPOLAR DISORDER, and my sister, who has ADHD, I began to question this diagnosis. I'm not hyperactive, that much is true. In fact, I played sports for most of my childhood because my father made me, but i was exceedingly bad at all of them in light of my physical abilities, and all of the kids hated me having me on their teams. But my brother told me that there is a kind of ADD that doesn't have hyperactivity, and that it could even make one sluggish. After reading the symptoms, I really feel like this might be what I have, but I can't find almost any information about this. And I feel like I can't tell my doctor how much Adderall helped me that one night because I didn't have a prescription. I'm not just looking for drugs, believe me. I just wanna cry sometimes when I think about all the things I've wanted to do with my life that I can't, but I can't cry. None of my friends seem to believe me, saying I'm just lazy and whatnot, which is really disheartening.
Has anyone had a similar experience? Any advice? I'm desperate at this point, I feel my life is kind of wasting away bit by bit.