Hi first post to these forums. Looking for any support if anyones been through this type of problem before or could maybe give me some tips. So I am not a big drug user, I've smoked pot a couple times in highschool, have taken lsd on one occasion and hated it, but through the past couple years have taken mdma probably 10-20 times or so. Anyways i am 23 now, a couple months ago i went out partying ( i suppose i should add im a weekend binge drinker since highschool days ) i ended up buying what i thought was mdma one night, took it while i was already drunk and on a 6 dayish bender (was on vacation) by the end of the night i was losing my mind... I was going to police begging for help, begging please take me to the hospital i felt i was completely going insane... Than i enter another realm of reality, literally.
I am now in a room full of doctors doing tests on me. They diagnose me unfixabley insane and decide i will have to be 'put down' i get stuffed in solitude and am given a microphone through which all my freinds and family i love are on the other side, i am to give them my last words before i get put to sleep... Balling my eyes i tell everyone i love them and iv made mistakes and apologize (this is all 100% real to me at this time) . They all laugh back, talk about how crazy i am and look forward to putting me out. (now there's more from here but i cant even type it its too deep to me) All of a sudden i wake up, (This is 2 days later apparently) i think i am in hell. For the whole day i am run through a routine of eating meals and hiding in my bed. I am too scared to talk to anyone at this point. The next day i wake up, get the courage to talk to somebody, i am in the psych ward in the hospital i went into a drug induced psychosis. Next couple rough days later im let out.
For couple days i couldnt look anyone in the eye, had trouble talking to people especially people i didnt know, than soon recovered back to normal 'me'. I thought. A month went by and here comes hell (round two), i am getting panic attacks left right and center, having mental breakdowns constantly, social anxiety i can barely leave the house, am having to leave work constantly with these attacks (i went back to my fulltime job, never had an issue til now) I always feel in anything i do as if im being awkward or weird even if im not, always paranoid what people 'could' be thinking about me through every action, getting sleep paralysis often...sometimes a couple times in one night. Im fighting this with everything in every moment of every day. My doctor prescribes me on Clonazepam for a couple weeks. It helped at first but soon i was having worse episodes on it and stopped taking it. I have been practising meditation and breathing techniques which have done more for me than anything else but this is controlling my life and starting to drive me down into depression and hoplessness.... I am at rock bottom, am writing this as i just had to leave work once again having one of these spells/attacks. Its been about 3-4 months since the incident of the psychosis ( i do not hear things or see things, only during the time i was out) , feels good just to write this down. I have an appointment with a mental health specialist next month, been to a counseling appointment didnt really helped just looking to get through... Mostly the social anxiety and panic attacks are killing me if anyone has had any experience i would love to hear it!!
Also stupidly iv gone out drinking a couple times through recovery and after a couple or more drinks i almost feel myself again, but my hangovers i get crazy dizzy now so i stopped. (which is probably a good thing or id possibly be an alcoholic too) . So ya sorry for the long post felt good to put that in writing. Hopefully it makes sense. My family and freinds have been so supportive of me through this and have done everything they can to cheer me up and try to get me back on my feet. But i would love to hear from someone who has been through something like before or knows of. Social anxiety *****! Panic attacks suck! I have troubling ordering food at drive throughs! Why is my head an *******! Anyone!