relationships and anxiety

[cheshchesh819]

ok guys heres the story,three years ago i found out my husband had an affair,it lasted three weeks whilst he worked away in malta,how did i find out?text messages on his phone,when i questioned him he broke down told me me he was in a dark lonely place at the time,being away from his family killed him,we were always a strong couple before this,and yes my first thought was get out i hate you,but then i thought no you can stay and watch the hurt that you have put this family through,he had to see all the tears the upset that the children went through and the months of heartache i had to get through,you see my moto was you done this to us you can solve it.it took months and months to get through alot of my thoughts you know,like was she younger than me ,prettier than me so on so on.anyway we have come through it all and he hates himself for eveything he has done to me says i am his world i we are at a really good place now.my only problem is that i will never forget the date i seen these text messages and the contents i know them word for word,and it sets off my anxiety every year,now even though i am nearly through all this anxiety,how can i stop this reacurring because of what happened,i dont like talking to theripists,please advise,as the date is nearing and i just feel sick thinking about it.

[lilpersianangel]

That's really difficult. :-(  However, perhaps if you ask him to be sure to do something special romantically to 'reverse' those feelings and memories it might help you feel that he 'chose' you and regrets his mistake. I would insist on him making it a big deal and taking it seriously and treating you like a princess on that day.

[beth0277]

I know you say you don't like talking to therapists but in your case I think good couples therapy could do you a world of good. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing to speak to someone  and I think you are unfortunately going to continue to struggle with this until you and your husband get good help. Don't put yourself through unnecessary hurt, seek out someone who can help. It can do wonders for your relationship and they may be able to see if your anxiety is more serious and recommend steps to help out. There is no need to struggle-trust me, getting help was the best decision I could have made!

Best of luck :)