HIV Anxiety (Please Help)

[helpmeplease876]

Here goes,

About 1 to 1 and a half years ago I had 3 experiences with prostitutes that I am not proud of. These are the only times Ive ever visited prostitutes. First event was protected sexual intercourse. Did not check condom with water, but nothing out of the norm (to the best of my knowledge). Second, hand job with protection  (again, no concerns). Third, this is the one I am most worried. The woman laid me on the bed and put a substance (she said was lotion) on a q tip and put it around my urethra. Again, first time experience with prostitution so I didn't think much of it at the time. Then I put a condom on and she gave me oral.

I now think she intentionally tried to infect me with the virus. 6 months after the last encounter,  I grew a wart around my finger. HIV thought came up. I freaked out and was told by the hiv prevention forum I did not have a risk. (no reason why I didn't have a risk was given). I went to my Doctor and had a full panel std testing completed as well as what I believe was a 3rd generation hiv test done from labcorp. Std were negative and hiv was non reactive. Looking at my medical online it seems like the test for hiv was changed to different test throughout the process.

Now, a year or so later, I'm still thinking about it. I've had a constant headache, multiple canker sores. After my negative result I proceeded to have unprotected sex with my wife again. She just developed a rash  on her stomach. Now I fear that I've infected her.

My questions are.... Ive read about false negatives, how accurate are the test? Do I need to test again? Why was there different test coming up in my online medical website? Any ideas on why she would use a q tip and put this substance around my urethra? Most importantly, could she have infected me this way and how do I get over this?

I'm lost, please someone give me some advice.

Thanks

[RubyWitch]

You brought your questions and concerns to us at the HIV Prevention Forum and were give the assessment that you had no risk........which is true.

You have also written to the Anxiety forum and been given excellent advice by anxiety860.........advice that also confirmed you had no risk.

Yesterday you sent me a PM to "help" you on the Anxiety Forum.

Both communities, as well as your doctor, have given you the correct assessment that you do NOT have HIV.......and you've been tested which gave you conclusive results that you are non-reactive. (NEGATIVE) There is, obviously, nothing else any of us can tell you that will rid you of your anxiety.

At this point I strongly urge you to seek therapy for your continued anxiety. Get a referral from your doctor for a therapist who is trained to deal with anxiety and preferably one who uses CBT.

We all hope you find peace of mind.
RubyWitch  

[anxiety860]

Just went over our chat again. I forgot you already asked them.

This is what I can tell you. You have NOTHIG to fear when it comes to HIV. You had no risk. and you tested negative. That is great freaking news. You don't need to address HIV. What you need to address and get under control is your anxiety/fear over HIV.  How to do this I'm not sure. What personally helped me was educating myself on the topic, believing doctors, realizing how rare it is. What didn't help me was getting multiple tests for reassurance. That only lasted a week or so.

I finally had to come to the conclusion and believe the facts. Not believe my anxiety which is always wrong.

[anxiety860]

Well you can always post your question in the HIV forum, see what they have to say.

How I got over my HIV fear was educating myself on the topic. The facts are if you have protected sex you won't get HIV

[helpmeplease876]

I really value your opinion anxiety860, but I'm starting to feel the anxiety again. I have developed a rash on my stomach and some peeling around my penis. I also have what feels like jock itch around my testicles. My headaches are still here and I've been waking up with moist underwear. Not drenched.

Does anyone else have am opinion on whether I could have contracted HIV or if I had a slight risk with what I have explained in my original post.

What's going on with me??? What can I do to help move forward?

Thank you.

[anxiety860]

My guess. The shame and guilt is causing you to feel guilty creating anxiety and thinking you got HIV from the experiences.

You have scientific proof saying that you do not have HIV (the test) . plus you had no risk.  

You also cannot infect a child if you decide to have one because you have nothing to infect them with. You had a full std screening.

Another thing that may help you, HIV is very very rare. And actually very hard to contract. Less than 1% of Americans have the disease. Not sure about European countries..  But again you never had a risk so I suppose that information is a moot point

The best thing you can do is trust the test results and put this behind you.  If you can't put it behind you therapy actually helps for these situations.

[helpmeplease876]

Thank you so much for your rapid response. After reading your answer several times it has made me feel a little better. I guess I needed some reassurance that I had no risk. Guilt could be the cause of my anxiety, but I think the thought of infecting my wife is killing me too. We also would like to have another child so the fear of infecting him/her is driving me nuts. I am not going to lie, my family is very active in our community so the shame is in my head as well. I will try to convince myself I am negative and move on.

Thanks again.