I was referred to nursegirl about my HIV Anxiety. please help me

[BlissfulJoy]

Hello I'm looking for anyone who has experienced this but would be greatly appreciated if nursegirl could help me out.

Well my story goes I had a brief unprotected encounter with my ex in March. This situation resulted in no ejaculation. I went for testing at 3 weeks and then 5 weeks both tests were negative. I was told a 3 months is conclusive for this situation and my results are unlikely to change.

A month passed and me and him decided to go all the way. This time things was better bc he used a condom. I don't remember any slippage or nothing it was intact the whole time. All of a sudden 2 days later he told me he had a job transfer and had to move. I then became low and paranoid witg full of anxiety. I keep thinking he moved because he plotted to infect me with HIV. I will be getting tested for the encounter for the month of May on Monday. Each day that grows closer I get afraid. I had a dream that I was HIV positive and last night I had a dream I was HIV negative. I know a condom fully protect but I read where it will holes in it I'm not aware of and only can be seen if I filled the condom with water afterwards which I didn't do.

I'm not sure if this some sort of shock to losing my virginity to my no good ex. I once thought I was pregnant afterwards but I got my period. Now I'm scared I may be infected. I also remember two weeks after having sex all the way with a condom I caught a cold. It stayed for a week. The cold was mild and manageable. Also everything I do and see has stories about HIV. I need help and counseling. I'm so afraid I'm positive. Also my ex slept around with many women

[ThePinkFloyd]

Don't let this get you down. And don't mind when people look you the wrong way about asking an hiv test.If testing will make you find your peace again then that is what you should do!

[BlissfulJoy]

Hello I came for an update. I went to take my test at my college hospital and they couldn't do it because my Pell Grant money is not finalized yet. I even went to all stores that supposedly sold the oraquick test and no one sold them. I was so embarrassed and ashamed about asking about a hiv test. I got very bad looks. In the meantime, I have been still living in fear of somehow being positive while being protected. Im slowly grasping the idea that I am negative but I'm very afraid to trust it fully because I'm scared that I'm really am positive. I've been down all day

[ThePinkFloyd]

I wish you the best of luck! I am sure that your test will be negative! Please inform us on your resault.I am sure that your negative test will give hope and courage to many people reading this forum and waiting for the day to get tested.Again..I wish you the best of luck! :)

[BlissfulJoy]

Hey everyone the day is the day I take my test and I'm so nervous and freaking out please help

[BlissfulJoy]

Thanks so much. Tomorrow is the day. Sometimes I feel like God will punish me bc I had sex before marriage. I came from a religious family and sex before marriage is not acceptable. I think that is why I have this anxiety that I may get something because I started having sex and being secretive with it and that being diagnose positive will show people what I've been hiding. Even though for the first one in March I tested negative at 5 weeks and for the sexual encounter in May I used a condom

[BlissfulJoy]

Thank you very much. I feel if I can communicate with you until Monday I will be fine this has given me a lot of reassurance. Millions of others with the same problem. I can't see how ppl just have sex freely without paranoia

[ThePinkFloyd]

We all totally get what you are going through.I my self have been there...knowing that you are not in risk and accepting it are 2 different things. It is true that 5 weeks is a very solid test especially if it was a 4th generation duo test. Some hiv specialists say that even a 4 weeks negative duo is conclusive.Condoms don't have smalll pin holes that allow hiv to go through them.You are safe from your condom protected encounter.I know that it takes time to accept that. Good luck :)

[BlissfulJoy]

Thanks so much. Its good to know it's more out there. I take my test on Monday and I will update the outcome. Even though everyone keep saying I have no risk I'm still afraid about what will happen.

[Roxi_92]

if u ever need anyone to talk to im here. im currently going through the same thing. i have a feeling ive been infected. people tell me its hard now and days to be infected but doesnt mean it doesnt happen. my friends always tell me u have to sleep with a prostitute to get infected, idk what these guys do though, or what girls they decide to have sex with i feel like its normal to think u have HIV when going through anxiety. ive found soo many people going through the same thing i just ever wonder like did any of them come out positive. Life is scary and too many of us take it for granted. send me message whenever u need to talk :)

[BlissfulJoy]

Thank you very much. I really hope and pray things go right for me. Believe or not speaking with people on here with similar problems are keeping me very sane. I remember speaking with the Dr who took my test back in March told me that HIV is not that prevalent. That kind of made me feel at ease back then. However I keep thinking about the time I was speaking with my ex once and I told him I'm going to the Dr after our unprotected sex and he looked at me and told me" you must think.I got something" . I started yelling at him and accusing him Of giving me HIV . He constantly told me he been tested and fine. I still went to get tested and was relieved to see a negative at 3 and 5 weeks.Actually my anxiety is what broken us up.

[anxiety860]

What ifs are awful. I get those a lot. But we can't spend our life worrying about the what ifs. (Much easier said than done).  I honestly believe you'll be fine and after another test if you're getting one?? You'll be able to put this all behind you.

[BlissfulJoy]

Thanks very much my problem is I keep asking myself about a "what ifs" I'm not sure why but I'm so afraid. As days grow closer I get more nervous

[anxiety860]

Were you tested 3 months after the time you didn't use a condom?  5 weeks is a good indicator. The time you used a condom you had NO RISK and I'll tell you you're ex didnt plot a plan to give you HIV and run away. Anxiety makes us all have irrational thoughts. But we need to listen to our rational side. Stay off the Internet looking up symptoms/stories etc. you can find anything on there. If you had protected sex in may?? There isn't really a need to test because it was protected. Nursegirl is great and will help you more then me