my youngest son hates me

[morgus]

3 days ago my youngest son called me and basically told me off, it has devastated me. I cannot get my self together and cry all the time. I don't know how to come to terms with this, he and I have always been real close, this has ripped my heart out of my chest. Please, anybody help me. I just don't know what to do.

[Princessdaniella]

You are more than welcome Morgus, message anytime You need to talk

[RubyWitch]

Sorry, you're profile says you're "male," so I assumed you were his father.
Mia culpa.

Write us anytime you need to talk.
Greenlydia

[morgus]

I'm his mom, and yes we have very minor snips before, but never anything like this. I cannot thank you guys enough for helping me

[RubyWitch]

If I missed this, I aplogize, but has he ever done this before? We all have minor arguements and brief falling outs with our families, but for him to do what he did seems totally out of character, especially if the two of you have always been close. As a 38 year old man, in my humble opinion, he should have disussed his anger with you as one adult to another. The other "problem" is that we only know one side of this story.......yours. You said he told you exactly why he was so angry, if you feel comfortable sharing that with us, we could, possibly, help you more. But we will also understand if you feel you can't.
I believe you've gotten some very good advice and I agree that for now, it's best to just step back and give your son time and space to cool off. Hopefully it won't be long before he is ready to talk to you man to man.
We are all sorry for your pain.
Please let us know how you're doing.
Peace
Greenlydia

[mammo]

I think for now it is best to let your son be.  You are not aware of doing anything wrong and sometimes the more you reach out to someone the more they pull away.  You don't stop loving someone over night, and I'm not sure you could ever truly hate a parent. Let him know that you will be there for him when he is ready to tell you why he did this, and until then you will respect his wishes.  Your absence will give him much to think about, and so long as you are constantly trying to talk to him, he has no time to reflect on his actions, or miss you. This will be very difficult for you, but I feel until HE is ready to communicate as to what happened, you are just hurting yourself more.  He still loves you, so don't be so hard on yourself. If you two have always been close, he will miss this as well, and come to his senses and talk to you about all this.  Just give him space and time after letting him know that you will respect his wishes, and when he is ready to explain to you what happened, you'll be there.  It's difficult as a parent, but you've tried and now as a man, it's up to him to make things right again.  Take care...

[MrGreen]

Forgive the typos. Meant ' reflects '. Another Irish moment.

[lynn100]

sorry i didn't ask if you were his mom or dad i am truly sorry if i messed that up i hope you'll understand i didn't mean to do that

[MrGreen]

You know what they always say, and I really believe in this. When a person has a problem with others, such as your son has a problem with you, the real problem is with himself. Bit like, there is something he hates so much about himself that he relects that onto someone else. That someone being you in this case. So for any problem solving to be done he would need to take a long hard look at himself and his own life and see what is wrong with it, before he can fix the problem. In other words, you are not to blame at all. You are not the real problem. It is easy to make others feel like sh!t when we have problems going on. Bit like a mirror. We relect our own problems back onto someone else. So what he is accusing you of, he probably has going wrong himself. But it has to come from him that he has the problems. In order for any healing to take place. So try not beat yourself up over it. See it as his problem. That you are not in the wrong at all. I know it can be hard. You will be missing out on a lot. A son and a grandkid too. More a case of how long will it take him to see the errors of his ways. And accept that he has a problem. One that he took out on you. I hope he does come to his senses. Life is far too short for such fallings out.

[lynn100]

hi i'm not sure if i can be of any help but i'm a teen and i have had my moments where i just wanted to tell my parents off but never have because i know horrible i would feel afterwards. just know that no matter what he says he is always going to love you and he would give the world for you. he is probably just upset but people say things they don't mean i know i have and i'm sure you have done this before also. i am praying to god alot now to help me with my anxiety because it scares me and i know he will help me just like i know he will help you too. even he knows how much your son loves you there is nothing that could ever seperate you guys. believe me he will realize that what he has done has hurt you and i know that he will come and apologize and he's gonna see just how much you, his mother means to him. in the mean time it's alright to worry. i'm not gonna say don't worry because i know it's tuff. just try and relax and wait for that call or knock on the door it will come. i hope i helped

[k10road]

Well, it sounds like you are properly grieving this.  And you should.  In a sense, it is a loss.  I highly doubt that it's a permanent loss, but currently, it's a loss.  When we go through grief, we typically go through 5 stages (remember DABDA).  Denial is first, then anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.  Many people believe these are only in the death process, but it has been defined that these steps go along with many life changes or losses, even divorce or job loss.  Essentially, this is similar to divorce.  So, I think that your anger right now is normal.  At first you didn't know how to come to terms (somewhat of a denial).  Now you are angry.  Next you will bargain.  Then probably be depressed.  Then come to terms with it.  And by that time - things will probably be resolved!

Just try to remain positive and love him no matter what.

Big hugs.

[morgus]

He is 38 with 1 child that recently graduated high school. He didn't let me interject anything in our conversation. He told me exactly why he was so angry. I thought that if I let him vent he would get over it, I tried to call him last night and he did not answer his phone instead he sent me a patronizing text which itself was insulting. My pain is turning to anger and I am fighting that because I do love him

[MrGreen]

Silliest question of them all. Have you ever tried to challenge him on it. As in ask why he hates you so much? Put him on the spot. Ask him what you have done to deserve his hatred. In other words try and sit him down and have a talk with him. Tell him you will allow him to say his piece too. But he has to listen to your piece too. That it works both ways. Then see exactly what he has to say for himself. It is one thing calling names and saying bad things. But if put on the spot you can be caught off guard at times. No doubt you want to understand why he is acting like he is. And only he will know the answer. Has he a good reason. That is a good reason in his own mind. It might not make sense to you. Or any of us for that matter. When you say young, what age are we talking? Growing teen? Younger still? Just so we can try and get to the bottom of things with you.

[Princessdaniella]

It must be horrible to believe the possibility of this being true.
I do not think that Your son could hate you especially after you mentioned how close You have been.
I have been through a lot with my parents who I am not talking to at the moment because of this and after everything that has happened and the closeness I share with my mother I know that I could never hate my mum.
I think you just need to let him vent and give it time and he will come back and realise how much he is missing You.
Not a day goes by when I do not wish that I was not able to see my mum and everything in my life reminds me of her and I crave to hear her voice.
These things happen but nothing can seperate you and your son, just keep remembering it is only a break and soon you will be talking again like it never happened.
Be strong...... Thinking of You

[morgus]

Thank you and I do believe in God and have been praying, but the very thought of him hating me is too much to bear. Your words have given me comfort and again I thank you

[k10road]

Take a deeeeeep breath, cry if you need to, and then try to be at peace.  Kids do this.  I was a kid that did that.  I love both of my parents sooooo much....to the moon and back.  But I can think of a few occasions where I did and said very hateful things to my parents.  And sometimes, they may have deserved it, but most times, probably not.  But, as parents who love unconditionally, as God calls us to love, they forgave me.  And, as a child who loves my parents unconditionally, I can forgive them.  

I don't know the details of your situation, so I can't say with certainty.  But I'd say that 99% of the time that this happens between children and parents, it ends as quickly as it happened.  He will get over whatever it is.  

I hate to assume that you believe in God, but since I do, this is the best advice I know how to give you.  Pray for your son.  Pray for peace in his heart and love in his heart - love that God has for us.  Love that no matter what we do...that love still exists.  Forgive your son - that's the most important thing you can do.  And he needs to honor you.  That is the most important thing he can do.  This is what God calls us to do.  

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  I know that when I did this to my parents, it did rip their hearts out.  But we have the ability to put those hearts back in place.  I hope you guys reconcile.  If not - just keep praying.