Aa
Why am I still worried....
Good Afternoon all,
I initially came to this site like a lot of people with an Anxiety over HIV Exposures. After talking to a few people on this site, and going into details of my exposures, and being reassured by Rocket27Rocket who has been amazing, I am still concnered/worried about getting tested and my results.
Long story short, the exposures I had were mostly oral (I was the giver) with no ejaculation and condom protected sex, I was the taker. There were a couple instances where there was potential exposure. One was with a guy whom I knew then, and still know today very well, and we discussed things before hand and he was clean. Then there was a guy back in march, whom again I talked about before hand, and was clean, we used a condom, but it slipped off inside me, again he was clean, and even went and got tested again and was clean. The last time (which concerns me the most) was with a guy, all we did was oral, with me being the one getting it done to me, however there was a time when he rubbed his penis against my anus, due to him being very very small, I don't know if it went in or not, if it did then it only happened once or twice. I am still in contact with him, and because of my anxiety, he got tested about a month after and it was negative.
The only thing that still drives my anxiety over it, was about 3 weeks later I came down with a really bad sinus infection, which caused a lot of nasal congestion, and the drip caused a horrible sore throat. I also had a fever, and one night of night sweats (which I blamed on the hospital room being too hot, the nurse concured.) So my mind instantly went to ARS. However, between when the last guy and I hooked up, I attended a conference where there was about 5600 people from 5 countries, and there was a lot of hugging, touching, high fiving and even an exercise where we had to stick our fingers in our nose, and at the end had to high five our neighbor. Anyone who has attended a tony robbins live event knows what I am talking about. They also had the AC blairing in that room, and it was freezing. This, coupled with the 14 hour seminar days, and the increased amount of drinking and the decreased amount of sleep, could also be to blame. There were about 90 other people who had similar symptoms as me I read on the Facebook group and the guy I was rooming with at the hotel came down with Bronchitis as a result of this event. But since it was in the time frame, I naturally blame the sexual acts that were committed.
What has me worried about all of this, was that while I was in the hospital, the doctor wanted to "make sure there were no viruses in me, and that HIV is one of the ones he wants to test for" I freaked out! I didn't give consent to be tested, though now wish I would have.
Long story short, I am going to get tested in about a month at my annual physical. My Primary Care doctor, after hearing all of this, said that It was most likely my anxiety getting the best of me, and since the IV anitbiotics worked for me, that he saw no reason to test me for HIV right away, but recommended a full std panel just to ease my mind.
I made an appointment to see a Therapist in regards to my Anxiety, but this site has helped me so much already, I wanted to post this hear, and see what you guys thought in regards to this, and how I can gain more confidence before testing, as this anxiety is killing me. I want to propose to my girlfriend, but this is the only thing holding me back. I worry because what if I did get HIV, and then passed to her? I couldn't live with myself and the guilt that it would cause knowing how bad she wants to get married, and start a family.
Any help would be great!
I initially came to this site like a lot of people with an Anxiety over HIV Exposures. After talking to a few people on this site, and going into details of my exposures, and being reassured by Rocket27Rocket who has been amazing, I am still concnered/worried about getting tested and my results.
Long story short, the exposures I had were mostly oral (I was the giver) with no ejaculation and condom protected sex, I was the taker. There were a couple instances where there was potential exposure. One was with a guy whom I knew then, and still know today very well, and we discussed things before hand and he was clean. Then there was a guy back in march, whom again I talked about before hand, and was clean, we used a condom, but it slipped off inside me, again he was clean, and even went and got tested again and was clean. The last time (which concerns me the most) was with a guy, all we did was oral, with me being the one getting it done to me, however there was a time when he rubbed his penis against my anus, due to him being very very small, I don't know if it went in or not, if it did then it only happened once or twice. I am still in contact with him, and because of my anxiety, he got tested about a month after and it was negative.
The only thing that still drives my anxiety over it, was about 3 weeks later I came down with a really bad sinus infection, which caused a lot of nasal congestion, and the drip caused a horrible sore throat. I also had a fever, and one night of night sweats (which I blamed on the hospital room being too hot, the nurse concured.) So my mind instantly went to ARS. However, between when the last guy and I hooked up, I attended a conference where there was about 5600 people from 5 countries, and there was a lot of hugging, touching, high fiving and even an exercise where we had to stick our fingers in our nose, and at the end had to high five our neighbor. Anyone who has attended a tony robbins live event knows what I am talking about. They also had the AC blairing in that room, and it was freezing. This, coupled with the 14 hour seminar days, and the increased amount of drinking and the decreased amount of sleep, could also be to blame. There were about 90 other people who had similar symptoms as me I read on the Facebook group and the guy I was rooming with at the hotel came down with Bronchitis as a result of this event. But since it was in the time frame, I naturally blame the sexual acts that were committed.
What has me worried about all of this, was that while I was in the hospital, the doctor wanted to "make sure there were no viruses in me, and that HIV is one of the ones he wants to test for" I freaked out! I didn't give consent to be tested, though now wish I would have.
Long story short, I am going to get tested in about a month at my annual physical. My Primary Care doctor, after hearing all of this, said that It was most likely my anxiety getting the best of me, and since the IV anitbiotics worked for me, that he saw no reason to test me for HIV right away, but recommended a full std panel just to ease my mind.
I made an appointment to see a Therapist in regards to my Anxiety, but this site has helped me so much already, I wanted to post this hear, and see what you guys thought in regards to this, and how I can gain more confidence before testing, as this anxiety is killing me. I want to propose to my girlfriend, but this is the only thing holding me back. I worry because what if I did get HIV, and then passed to her? I couldn't live with myself and the guilt that it would cause knowing how bad she wants to get married, and start a family.
Any help would be great!
But getting the test itself is what's causing the anxiety. My symptoms I had fall in the timeline with ARS, and mirror it almost perfectly. If that last guy lied about his status, again super far fetched what if, then I'm in for a whole new world of fear, anxiety and loss. Which is why I'm seeing a therapist. Mostly to help me put a game plan together of what I do after I find out the results, and if they indicate HIV.
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