anxiety about past mistakes

[momee146]

With anxiety, I don't worry so much about the future but I go back to the past and find things that were "wrong".....does this happen to anyone?

[cj29]

I believe that we all tend to look at our past behaviors/mistakes in variouls ways.  I agree that being self-critical is very normal with anxiety.  While there are many challenges with it which can cause all sorts of issues from guilt to depression, I also tend to look at it as a sign of strength as well. When I look back on the experience(s) with it, I actually believe that it takes someone with a strong will and tough mental fortitude to have the bravery to confront something of this magnitude.  What you have done to confront this is not easy....it takes strength and commitment on your part to deal with it...recognize that.  

[Paxiled]

The goal of Buddhism is to live in the present.  The achievement of that goal is a whole lot harder.  The Dalai Lama has made his share of mistakes and has expressed his own regrets.  We're all human, but I share with the above post from my own experience that studying Buddhism has a lot to teach us, and is where a lot of cognitive therapy comes from.  Now if I could have only reached Enlightenment, sigh.

[birdie0907]

It is natural to remember daily all kinds of past events whether happy or sad, but to dwell on them provides no satisfaction.
The Dali Lama was amazed to learn that many Americans suffer from low self-esteem. Most TIbetans are Buddhist so they only live in the present and consider the past to be irrelevant - so they don't beat themselves up over past mistakes.

[freemysoul]

Hello there,
I just wanted to write to you and let you know that I dwell on things from the past as well. I tend to overanalyze everything down to the details and then replay it over and over in my head. I do this so often that I dream about every bad thing that's happened in my life quite frequently. I try to tell myself to stop so my mind isn't so overworked with bad thoughts but I can't. It seems as if I have no control over my mind and it really makes it hard for me to be happy. Over the years, I've learned to gradually let go some of my past mistakes and embarrassments. They still pop into my mind randomly once in a while but I really try hard to not get stuck on the past.

Because I do this too, I'm sorry I can't offer you better advice. What I usually do when I think of the past is shake my head (haha I don't know why but I've gotten into the habit of physically shaking my head), and think of what I need to work on right now so that I may have a better future--a future that I know I deserve.

You deserve happiness and release from past demons. It's sad that we keep going back to the past. If you're like me, I fantasize what I could've done to avoid those mistakes. But while we're wasting time in the past, the present is just whizzing by. Instead, we can learn and grow from them and hopefully avoid making the same mistakes again. We are not perfect. Every single person in this world makes mistakes and you are not alone. We're perfectly flawed and that's what makes us human :)

[birdie0907]

Anx and dep feed off each other making a vicious circle that gets deeper and deeper with time if it is not dealt with. It is unfortunate that there isn't any objective way to meter and determine if we are dep or anx, so it is up to the poor patient to try to figure what they are suffering from.
I wouldn't say anx directs your thoughts toward past events that are "bad" - I gather from your first post that you mean past events that went wrong are "bad." Rather I would say that you spend a lot of time thinking about the past so it is always fresh in your mind - perhaps the key is to make a conscious effort to switch thoughts to the present whenever a prior event crops up.

[momee146]

I know there is a bit of depression there but I know it's anxiety more. I've been dealing with this on and off forever.

I have recovered from relapse before (lowering dose or quoting medication) but the only way I have done that is by going back on or re-raising my Effexor XR dose. This time I caught it quicker and started back on te dose I came down from again. I hate this waiting game, I believe it's getting a bit better week by week but it's frustrating when it only gets better by a slight bit and it feels like it will be forever till it's done.

Do you think the anxiety makes me look for stuff that is "bad" or "wrong"

[Paxiled]

What you're describing is more attributed to depression than anxiety, and more people than know it have anxiety as a secondary effect with depression the trigger.  As with all of us who suffer these mental snafus, we tend to have low self-images, and by definition question what we've done.  If you use it productively to improve yourself, that's good, that's being self-aware, which Americans have way too little of.  But if you use it just to feel bad, that's a disorder, and again, sounds more like depression than anxiety primarily.

[momee146]

Ya for sure. This seems to happen to me every time I try to lower my dose

[birdie0907]

Don't you think dwelling on things that went wrong adds to your anxiety?

[momee146]

Thanks, I hope its over too soon. Its been 3 weeks back on my regular dose, and I am pretty sure the things that I keep dwelling on didn't bother me as much as with the anxiety. It just take so long to recover from a relapse that I am getting a bit discouraged at times as it feels like I cannot control my thoughts like I could just a few weeks ago.
I really hope all of this is just the anxiety playing tricks on me because I cant dwell on these for too much longer.
Thanks for responding

[birdie0907]

Your other post indicates you have been on and off anti-anxiety meds for 10 years and are presently moving back to up to what you consider your "normal" dose. I hope the adjustment period is over soon.
You did a good job above in outlining a problem. I read that most people spend an average of 2 hours per day regretting past irreversible decisions - that is not productive but you are far from alone when doing it. Try not to get down on yourself for doing it - I used to do it at least that much, until after that reading when I realized it was something that I was better off stopping. I also read in an anxiety book that the difference between an animal and a human is the human is able to control what they think about, although that doesn't mean the human will choose the right thing to dwell on.

[momee146]

What  I mean was things that I think I did "wrong"