can anxiety be causing some of this?

[neismanele]

Hello,

I'm not sure if this is the right forum I'm addressing, but I would appreciate any help.

So I am literally going crazy. The reason for this is my belief I am infected with HIV. I performed oral sex on a man( I am a woman) more than 3 weeks ago. And now i have this fever (which never rises more than 37.7 but never goes down under 37 C for about 4- 5 days now), headaches, I had diarrhea twice, joint and muscle aches (which are rather strange knowing that the fever is low), the first days I was sick and couldnt eat (although this is one thing I do believe to be related to anxiety, since I feel that when I manage to calm down a bit, I have my apetite back).

Anyway, the reason I'm posting my question on this forum is because I've been told I will be band from HIV prevention forum if I post one more question, since I continue to excessively ask questions although my situation (performing oral sex) is a no-risk situation and I was told that two times.

However, the symptoms are weird and fever doesn't go down whatever medicine I take. Since there's no test so early, I am really going mad and I'm scared I will have a permanent heart dysfunction forever from this worry.

I can't sleep at night. My heart is beating way too fast. I can't concentrate and do anything constructive, and i burst into tears from nowhere a few times a day.

I just would like to ask if any of my mentioned symptoms could be due to anxiety? Can it be that the fever colds due to anxiety?

What do I do to calm down? I know its a stupid question, but I lost hope to figure this out myself. I just really struggle to keep positive and am absolutely convinced I have the desease. So my tactic has been one of acceptance. Just accepting I do have it and there's nothing I can change, so I need to try and enjoy the time I have left, etc. However, this is really hard as its not only about me. Its about my boyfrend as well. All he wants is to spend his life with me, have kids and a house one day. And I do know he could never love anyone else in his life even if I did let him go. Which I would after a while, because I love him and want him to be happy. And now I told him I think I have HIV. How do we live? How?
I'm sorry for this being so long, but I thought  that detailed report of how I fell could give you a better idea.

Thank you very very much for anything you say. I just need to feel I'm not alone regardless of what it is that you tell me.

[strakur]

"she said it would take as much as a 2 liter bottle full of sperm to infect a woman through normal sex"

I don't know, I think that a single sexual encounter is enough to catch the virus. Besides statistics say that the majority of HIV infections are acquired through unprotected sexual relations. But you are right on the fact that it's kinda hard to catch it, estimated infections
per 10,000 exposures to an infected source is TEN, yes, only 10. But still, it's a huge risk.

[CT7296]

You sound like me a few weeks ago. However it cam from an encounter years ago. The likelihood you have HIV is slim to none based on anything you will find.

However if you are obsessing over symptom you will likely believe that every little twitch, pain, rise in temp, bad dream ect means you have HIV. The media has trumped HIV up SOOOO high it is a real cause for anxiety.

HOWEVER! You do need to go test. It is about the only thing that will calm your mind. They do say you need to wait 3 months as a rule of thumb but you should be able to test now and be really accurate.

Also, go talk to someone when you can, get out and run, walk and play. Work up a good solid sweat.

I feel you this is a really scary topic but if you had no risk,...you dont have HIV.

[RoxcieLadie]

Yes, You NEED to stop freaking out about it.
For one thing...My good friend is a nurse & she said that HIV is more contagious thru needles than sex. Even though it STILL is transmitted sexually, she said it would take as much as a 2 liter bottle full of sperm to infect a woman through normal sex  & easier to infect another man because with men there is usually always rectal penetration, & that is a area that would be more apt to expose the sperm to blood contact.
You NEED a counselor to control your obsessive behavior and it wouldn't be a bad idea that you get counseling when it comes to your choices in sex partners.
I mean really.....is ANY ONE worth dying over?
When you find a good guy, make sure he is tested before you continue any sex acts, then you won't have these worries driving you crazy
Good luck!

[marianog]

The 3 months wait period is normal in any country, not only yours. Just relax. It's not very likely you have the virus, but yeah, it is true you get like a quick cold after you contract the virus, but then again, look at me, I have had cold symptoms for over a month and I always test negative for HIV in my routine tests.
I hope you Learn from this now, never stick anything inside of you that you don't know it's healthy. I always test my sex couples before having sex, it only takes a few days.

And please, stop saying you have the virus when you haven't been tested.

Good luck and stay positive.

[jul04]

O.K. you have to stop this way of thinking.  Living as if you are HIV positive when you haven't been tested yet is not a good thing to do.  If you are feeling guility over the act that is one thing but if you keep obsessing over HIV without having been tested yet you are going to make yourself sick.  You are not the only woman in the world to have performed oral sex on a man and you won't be the last so stop beating yourself up over it.  

Do you know if the guy you were with is infected?  Why would you just think you were infected?  The symptoms you are having are typical of anytime of virus even the common cold.  

I am sorry you don't feel like you can trust your doctors but if that is the case maybe you should try and find someone that you do trust.  You need to put your mind at ease about this. I think you would really benefit from meeting with a therapist.  They will help you get through the next couple of months until you can get the test.  

Please stop living as if you are hiv positive.  Remember that if by some really slim chance that you do come back as hiv positive it is not a death sentence.  I have friends that are hiv positive and have been for years and they are living healthy lives....Please try and find someone to talk too...Lots of luck....

[neismanele]

Thanks very much for your response.

I'm not sure about seeing my doctor. I just generally think that all I would be told is that it might be hiv. Which i already know and it wont make my situation better. also, although I live in britain most of the time, currently I'm in a small country which I come from. And although thats not a very nice thing to say,  I dont really trust doctors here. When i asked about hiv testing they said i need to wait at least 3 months (which i do believe is the case in this country) and they even had a grin on their face which suggested that they simply enjoy this and see this as an intrigue. And I cannot trust doctors like that.

Ok, I will try and stay positive. Though maybe thats the wrong word. I mean I know I shouldnt have done this but I did:  I read loads on living with hiv forum and  I just decided that I will learn to live with it and I'll have a good time. So basicly I'm being positive about me being hiv positive.

Anyway, I know that anxiety wont help whether I have it or not.

Thanks again!

[jul04]

Have you been to your dr?  You could very easily have a virus (I am not talking about HIV) that could be causing your symptoms.   The symptoms you are describing are not just symptoms of HIV many other things can be causing them.  How long has it been since your "encounter"?  Your dr would know the best time to test.  It is probably a good idea to get a physical just to make sure everything else is O.K. with you.

I would say that anxiety is definetly adding to your situation.  You need to stop obsessing over HIV and stop feeding into your fears and symptoms.  The more you obsess over it the more "symptoms" you are going to have.

I also think it would be a good idea for you to speak to a therapist.  They can help teach you coping skills.

Please try and focus on something positive.  Feel better....

[neismanele]

Could someone please answer me. Anything.  One sentence. Please.