Panic attacks, or something worse?

[colddayinapril]

Ok, I'll start with a bit of background:

I'm a 21 year old male. I've been working the same job for about 3 years now, in a call center for a satellite TV dealer, we'ar one of the larger ones in the country. My job is very stressful and unfulfilling (if you've seen the movie Office Space... that's where i work), and I don't care for it much, but i make good money. I just recently became an assistant manager there, and got a good raise, so I'm keeping the job, despite my hatred for it, most people i work with, and the stress it causes. I need the money because I'm moving to Greece next August to go to school. I have to learn basic Greek by then, which I'm doing mediocre at, this adds to the stress. Also, i stress over finances and such, related to moving. To sum up, I'm stressed the f@%k out. Also, i never sleep.

I recently had a bit of an "episode" that has seriously disturbed me. I'm not sure how clearly I can explain it, but I'll try my best. About 3 weeks ago, i was sitting at my computer, doing nothing, when I looked over my shoulder and noticed the very nice, new luggage set my siblings had got me for my birthday, for when I move. For some reason, the thought entered my head that if there was something in the suitcase, I wouldn't know until it jumped out. then I imagined the suitcase jumping and jerking, and toppling over... i tried to ignore this thought, but it wouldn't leave me, and became more and more intense... i kinda flipped out. My heart began to race, i started shaking, and i was over come with fear... I also felt pretty damn stupid for being afraid of a suitcase :/

I realised that there was no basis to my fear, but that didnt help. So, i did the next logical thing i could think of, i threw the damn thing in the closet :). this didnt help much... so i took it out, opened it up, and set it on the floor so i could check it every now and again. But, i was still overcome with fear and anxiety. I felt like the walls where closing in on me, and i was afraid that something might "come through them"... even thought i knew that to be impossible, and just down right silly. It's at about this point that i realised i was acting very strangely. so, i decided to use Google to help. i looked up all the symptoms to panic disorder and various other mental illnesses. I decided that since I was aware that my behavior was very strange, and had the thought to check into it, i probably wasnt having a delusional episode or a psychotic break, but more than likely a panic attack. oddly enough, that calmed me down a little.

After all this passed (took about an hour) and i calmed down, I started to think about what could have caused this. I settled on the idea that it was due to stress over my moving (probably why it was the suitcase that freaked me out). and I was eventually able to go to sleep.

Over the next few days, my fear of the suitcase (or rather, my fear that i would trigger another episode) eventually wayned, mainly beacause i reffused to allow myself to develop a phobia over it, and I zipped it back up, and put it in the closet in my bedroom. I still had strange symptoms though. I experienced what i can only described as an detachment form reality. at times, i became acutely aware of my own existence, and everything else seemed far away and strange. At other times, i felt completely detached from myself and everything else. I worried very much that I was going stark raving mad. I'm a young male, under a great deal of stress, in a life changing period... prime time for schizophrenia to set in. I began to obsess about going insane (that is to say, loosing myself and my future to a run away mental process i would be unable to control) the thought was (is) unbearably frighting. I would fear hearing voices almost to the extent that i would imagine what they would sound like if I did, only being reassured that i was not, in fact, hallucinating when i would hear a voice, and notice the difference (audible, not in my head, unexpected and not under my control). I also have a general sense of dread and anxyity now that I did'nt before. The fear of going crazy produces more "panic attacks" which, as you can imagine, do not help with the fear of going crazy... it's quite cyclical.

I've been able to reassure myself by comparing my behavior to that of a genuinely schizophrenic friend i once had and knew quite well... compared to him, I'm the picture of sanity... even when I'm locking up the evil suit case in the closet :)

also, i assume that if i was that many bats short of a belfry, i would be unable to study Greek effectively, write this letter, or go to a faced passe customer service job and not only perform well, but manage a staff of 15.

however... as convincing as i am, my panic attacks (if that is, in fact, what they are) are very hard to persuade. I still think I'm going crazy, and I'm still scared shittless about it.

so, what do I do? Am i crazy (I know you probably don't like using that term, but cut me some slack... my luggage just tried to eat me *joke*)? Am I at risk for going crazy? should I just tell all this to a shrink, get a prescription for xanax, and get on with my life?

...help :(

[trouble10]

You're not going to like hearing this, but my story mirrors you, (except for the ravenous suitcase) in that I was in a management position that I hated, with bosses that I hated ,with co workers that I hated, serving people that I hated. I started school to get away from them. I was so happy and excited. I had my whole life planned out for the better when low and behold I had a heart attack!!! (Not really, but what else was I supposed to think watching TV and eating chips?) I held on for almost six months before things got so bad, that I had to step down from my mangement position, then just fully quit. (No way was I going to quit school) Now I'm way poor, but with less stress, more sleep, less crappy people I do feel better. I still have a problem with anxiety, but I haven't had a full blown panic attack for a while now. (And it's amazing what you can get used to)  You are not crazy!! But you might need some down time. Lots of prayers...

[mommyinarabia]

You ARE NOT CRAZY!!  I actually found your story quite entertaining because you are completely sane with a very creative and intelligent imagination.  You are just very stressed out. I think stress and anxiety make us think we are insane....  I had my first "panic attack" at 19 years.....12 years ago.  Its tough.....but you need to overcome it now.   When you start to feel them, breathe and breathe deeply and tell yourself you are fine but you are just having a panic attack.  I had them on and off in my twenty's and now more frequently due to stress and fatigue.  Seeing how you don't have kids or a family (yet), try to relax, sleep and try not too worry too much.  You are maybe anxious about going abroad (i live abroad) but you will be fine....just make as many contacts as you can with people.  There are alot of amazing people out there!!!