Aa
Need Help
We need help.
We have suspected for many years that our 35 year old is in some small respect autistic. It probably is too late to seek a diagnosis now. In the absense of medical reasons for the symptoms we have managed all along dealing with the problems with either CBT, hypnotherapy etc.etc.The professionals who we have dealt with have never suggested autism but we are suspicious that there is something there. We need advice on helping with the persistant problem areas such as
1. inability to see someone elses point of view.
2 inability to work although straight A student. reasons include "fear of not being liked" " fear of not being quick enough because of apparent lack of processing and a list of similar fears." "fear of not being good enough" although school records suggests something quite different. With the highest marks possible it is difficult to understand why this cannot be used in any way.
3 Perfect behaviour with everyone else except us. With ourselves it is a constant battle where help is demanded from us but any suggestions are rejected. The outbursts can last anything for 6-10 hours until exhaustion sets in and we get some restbite until the next round.
It is very difficult. We try to keep calm and speak gently but inside we are hurt, frightened, confused,panicked,worried and lately desperate. We are not getting any younger. We are in our seventies, money is limited and we regret not putting our hands up for help in this department many years ago.
We have suspected for many years that our 35 year old is in some small respect autistic. It probably is too late to seek a diagnosis now. In the absense of medical reasons for the symptoms we have managed all along dealing with the problems with either CBT, hypnotherapy etc.etc.The professionals who we have dealt with have never suggested autism but we are suspicious that there is something there. We need advice on helping with the persistant problem areas such as
1. inability to see someone elses point of view.
2 inability to work although straight A student. reasons include "fear of not being liked" " fear of not being quick enough because of apparent lack of processing and a list of similar fears." "fear of not being good enough" although school records suggests something quite different. With the highest marks possible it is difficult to understand why this cannot be used in any way.
3 Perfect behaviour with everyone else except us. With ourselves it is a constant battle where help is demanded from us but any suggestions are rejected. The outbursts can last anything for 6-10 hours until exhaustion sets in and we get some restbite until the next round.
It is very difficult. We try to keep calm and speak gently but inside we are hurt, frightened, confused,panicked,worried and lately desperate. We are not getting any younger. We are in our seventies, money is limited and we regret not putting our hands up for help in this department many years ago.
We would need more info. How was his childhood? Socio economic class? Parenting skills from you? Girlfriends? Is this just a boy who was super spoiled growing up, or is their a mental disorder here? Does he live on his own? How does he make money for himself? Are you supporting him? I would think that 35 years old i a little long for this to be going on. Any more info you could give would be helpful. Does he make friends easily?
On another note, I believe there are a lot of people that have similar issues, but end up considered and labeled as lazy, unmodivated, lacking modivation, lacking direction, and you name it...
It sort of makes me reconsider what people call lazy. Is the person in fact lazy or are they dealing with a mental block like I deal with? That's something that needs to be looked into.
It sort of makes me reconsider what people call lazy. Is the person in fact lazy or are they dealing with a mental block like I deal with? That's something that needs to be looked into.
It does sound like something worth seeking help in. I can relate to a degree. I think more it's a general clueless feeling. I know what I WANT to do, but don't fully undserstand the steps it takes to get there. That is the process getting a job. I tend to get stuck at the application process... For some reason, no matter how well I can write out my thoughts on paper or the internet, when it comes to answering specific questions, my mind just stalls...
It's like stage fright.... I find it helps to have someone else do the actual form filling and I speak my answers. That way they can fill out what I say in a condenced more concise form for the forms, etc. I did that yesterday with an SSI related form. It was a lifesaver to have someone else do the writing part.
I could speak my answer, but I had no clue what exactly I _had_ to say for the form....
Then the next step after that would likely be an interview... Being able to answer questions in a concise manner seems to be an anxiety producer...not to mention likely with an interview I'm expected to make eye-contact, which can be _physically_ uncomfortable like having the sun glaring into my eyes...
There is also the transportation issue... If I haven't been to the place before and actually experienced the bus route, then forget it...I'm not going on my own... But if I have someone actually help me the first few times until that memory "sets in", then I can replay the trip in detail in my head.
Interesting the pros and cons to autism... Mostly cons mentioned here, but I find the ability to play a detailed memory of the trip in my head at just about any time an interesting asset. Of course it stinks if I'm expected to give directions... How to convert a visual memory into a few words...
So it seems my work experiences have to be learned by rote. Once I have that set in my head, what's expected of me, etc, then I tend to perform very well on the job. It's the same way with your son and his straight A's, I believe.
BTW the form filling problem makes no sense to me... Hopefully it makes more sense to someone else on here.
Maybe this will help explain some of the hang-ups your son is dealing with. This is one reason I cringe when I read stuff from people who think their child "recovers" from autism after they show great progress in school and think they can get their child undiagnosed.
Thankfully most parents aren't that rash, but I _have_ found a few bio-med supporters on the net who have mentioned they either burned the documents or had their child officially undiagnosed of their autism, because they felt they no longer fit the criteria... I shutter because we don't know this far in the future if the so called "recovered" people will have this mental block later in their life or not.
It's like stage fright.... I find it helps to have someone else do the actual form filling and I speak my answers. That way they can fill out what I say in a condenced more concise form for the forms, etc. I did that yesterday with an SSI related form. It was a lifesaver to have someone else do the writing part.
I could speak my answer, but I had no clue what exactly I _had_ to say for the form....
Then the next step after that would likely be an interview... Being able to answer questions in a concise manner seems to be an anxiety producer...not to mention likely with an interview I'm expected to make eye-contact, which can be _physically_ uncomfortable like having the sun glaring into my eyes...
There is also the transportation issue... If I haven't been to the place before and actually experienced the bus route, then forget it...I'm not going on my own... But if I have someone actually help me the first few times until that memory "sets in", then I can replay the trip in detail in my head.
Interesting the pros and cons to autism... Mostly cons mentioned here, but I find the ability to play a detailed memory of the trip in my head at just about any time an interesting asset. Of course it stinks if I'm expected to give directions... How to convert a visual memory into a few words...
So it seems my work experiences have to be learned by rote. Once I have that set in my head, what's expected of me, etc, then I tend to perform very well on the job. It's the same way with your son and his straight A's, I believe.
BTW the form filling problem makes no sense to me... Hopefully it makes more sense to someone else on here.
Maybe this will help explain some of the hang-ups your son is dealing with. This is one reason I cringe when I read stuff from people who think their child "recovers" from autism after they show great progress in school and think they can get their child undiagnosed.
Thankfully most parents aren't that rash, but I _have_ found a few bio-med supporters on the net who have mentioned they either burned the documents or had their child officially undiagnosed of their autism, because they felt they no longer fit the criteria... I shutter because we don't know this far in the future if the so called "recovered" people will have this mental block later in their life or not.
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