My Bipolar husband is very Depressive right now- I'm scared!

[vsantos]

   Many of you  know my story. My 44 year old husband diagnosed with Bipolar 4 months ago and taking Depakote and Risperdal for 3 months has been feeling a bit better for the past 6 weeks (less psychotic) and functioning much better at home with us (my daughter and I)...though he goes through ups and downs (happy/sad) during a 24-hour period , the changes are not too drastic.
   what got  me concerned these past 4 days is that he has been very depressive, more than what I have seen. 2 days ago he pretty much didn't talk to any of us at the house the whole day (his father, our daughter or myself!).
    for the most part he was silent, at time staring at 'nowhere' and slept more than the usually.....I'm concerned, I don’t know if this is just part of the process of getting better from his first Manic Episode (it was pretty bad...actually tried to commit suicide!).....
  Anyone any insight? When does the depressive phase warrants medical attention right away, or is this just part of what he will go through?
   I did leave a message for his Psychiatrist who is on vacation this week and his psychologist.....

  Any advice? I don’t know what to do!
  thanks
Vanessa

[Bubulous]

It could be the other side of the manic episode which explains it pretty well.  He may also have a ton of things on his mind that he cannot stop like negative thoughts which would make it more cognitive.  I go through this quite a bit when I am trying to make life changing decisions and if he recalls the attempted suicide it may be something that is bothering him.  Either way the psychologist in this case will likely be the first one he might talk to.  If it is cognitive the psychologist can help him vent and get through it.  If it is the down side of the manic episode it would still help to talk to the psychologist first whom may recommend a medicine change or addition through the psychiatrist.

[Buddy_10]

Just want to chime in on the last 2 comments. Your support & sacrifice will be obvious to him one day. You sound like a giving person, but don't crack. Carry on with life. Rely on your professionals. The meds currently being used wouldn't, in my view, lift anyone's depression, in fact, it may be contributing to it. In any case, the benefits of a Med need to outweigh the risks. He may be having untoward side effects. If meds get changed, see if the doc will change one Med at a time so you can better identify the problem .
   I applaude you for shielding your 2-year old from his incongruent behavior. She needs to continue to see him as a strong father figure. If reality debunks that as an illusion. You can say, sometimes Daddy gets or IS "sad-sick". This worked for our 2 yr old daughter when I was hospitalized with depression.
   Chances are the bipolar illness can be managed and treated with adherence to the medication regime, but not cured.      Has anyone mentioned the benefits of a counselor for you or play therapy for your daughter? Glad you posted. You have an extra line of support here.

[kathy434]

I am Bipolar 1.  I would suggest that you stay in contact with your husband's psychologist and the psychiatrist.  Share with them what you are observing and then let them be the ones who guide you through this maize.  They can determine if he needs to be seen, hospitalized, have his meds adjusted or changed.  They will appreciate your information so they can best treat him.  It doesn't sound like he is stable yet and that you need to be in communication with his doctors.  Doing nothing could be dangerous.  Be guided by his doctors right now.

[adel_ezz]

Hi

bipolarity is not totally predictible i am afraid, and more, not totally governed by meds i.e. not the chemistry only. You may see in the future (hope not often) that the same meds (i.e. same initial conditions like they say in math) do'nt lead to the same result always. But as IL said, depakote is more for mania than depression, and this must be true also for lithium and tegretol (contrary to few beliefs or experience) because these are the most famous in history to handle bipolarity. Why is that - as I said here more than once (my own reflexions, not read them anywhere else) - is that psychiatry tried to govern the ill behaviour of manic-depressive illness (old name for bipolarity) so as not to hurt others i.e. the society sake was more important than the patient so they discovered these 3 drugs. Only after the patient became equally important and that he may hurt hinself that depression (the other face of the coin) became the psychiatry concern, so came lamictal (good for depression).

My opinion what he takes will not elevate his mood, only prevents mania and making him less psychotic, but not moodwise. You need either to change them or add something else. Perhaps the pdoc was concerned about his mania before now it's time for adjustment.  

Another point, usually but NOT always, depression follows the mania so they crash and not land smoothly. So it will take some time to stand up again by himself. But as far as his meds are concerned, I don't see this and you better wait till his pdoc comes back

Another point worthy of consideration. DON'T panick all the time for evey change, because you will see this pretty often and for no reason at least logical. I am afraid this is how BP works. Cool down and don't take it on your nerves or get so alarmed each time something new occurs. I know from your past mail that you are so devoted (lucky him) but still the journey is long (don't want to put you off) so be calm at least for your own sake
ezz

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes myself as well but when I asked my psychopharmocologist why years later (btw this could be found on any of the websites we have linked up as well) it is because Depakoate works better on mania than depression. As well it can often cause cognitive confusion. He should discuss this with his psychiatrist and if things aren't working out consider other available options.

[bernie40]

This could be a side effect of his medication.  This is exactly how I felt on depakote.  However, I wouldn't just accept that as being the cause obviously.  You've done right contacting the psych, but I would say that from personal experience of depakote it made me flat, like a zombie, completely zoned out and not caring about anything or anyone because I was just an empty shell of myself.

[JennyDots]

Unfortunately, I know what it's like feeling so depressed and numb that you just can't talk or "be present," even for people who really want to help. But even in my darkest depressions, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew how much people cared, and how hard they were trying to break through... even if sometimes I might have told them to go away! And now, I can look back and be SO grateful for the people who loved me even at my worst. I'll bet your husband is very grateful for you, even if he can't put the words together right now.

You are going through so much, taking care of a 2-year-old, and doing so much for your husband. Be sure to take some time off whenever you can. You need it and deserve it. Go for a walk, shopping, talk to a friend, just hang out with your sister, or whatever, but remember to take some "you" time.

Hang in there,
Jenny

[vsantos]

    thank you for your words! Yes, it has been a roller coaster ride. And the fact tha the is so 'distant' from me, not wanting to talk at all about his feelings, mood (since he was diagsnoed 4 months ago) he pretty much 'shut down'!!!! So all I can do is observe, try to up date his doctors when something different come around and give him lots of Stability at home!!!   My dayghter is great, she is only 2 years old so it has been 'easy' to shiled her from all of it! When things are not so good, I bring her over to my sisters so she can have a 'happier' environment to be in....Very hard task for me, but the little one is perfectly fine and still loves daddy very much : )
   Thanks

[JennyDots]

I think it was a good idea to call the psychiatrist, just in case. It shows how much you care. I can't even imagine how hard it must be to be with a bipolar spouse, and all I can say is keep being as strong as you can, and be there for him.

Sometimes a medication change can trigger unusual behavior, and sometimes after a manic episode the "crash" is really hard. This illness is unpredictable, so it's hard to say what might happen, but know that for many of us, with help from loved ones like you, we gradually move toward recovery and a happier, more stable life. :-)

Best of luck to you both,
Jenny

P.S. How is your daughter holding up?