I've been suffering for so long with this depression, I've just

[braccio]

I've been suffering for so long with this depression, I've just about given up.  All the meds I'm on and I feel the same.  I'm able to do what I need to do to get by, but I'm definitely not myself.  I wake up dreading the day and wondering how I'm going to make it through.  I try to get out and walk my dog every day and do things to stay in a routine.  It doesn't help that my husband's been laid off for 18 months.  My current medications are Depakote, Geodon, Cymbalta and Clonazapam, which I'm going to stop taking.  You'd think with all these powerful meds that I'd be in great shape.  The Depakote always worked before when I was taking Effexor, then something happened three years ago to bring me to this point.  I just seem to move so much slower and feel older.  I see my doctor (relatively new) on Wednesday, and she always wants to prescribe more meds.  Wish something worked!  At least I have some time this summer to try to regroup, since I work at an elementary school.  It's hard to see everyone so happy and feel like I do.  I try to cover it up the best I can.  I really don't have any friends or anyone to do things with other than my husband, son and mom.  I really don't like being by myself for too long; I get real fidgety and can't sit still.  Other times, I can sit for 4 hours at a time watching tv.  I start having lots of thoughts going through my head, wondering if I'm ever going to feel the same again.  The doctor isn't easy to talk with, and she seems like she's in a hurry.  What do I do?  Any suggestions on the course I should take?

[liz725]

Different things work for different people. But may I suggest you just think about somthing other than being depressed. Do you have a dream that you would love to have come true? Just think in the back of your mind where your care free spirit is and were your big or litttle ideas come from. Delve into the treasure trove for your project to start to work towards. For example you always looked at the marithone on tv and said to your self "if i could only do that, I would be like a normal happy person" Well you can do that. It can be the begining of your things that you accomplish in your life not because you want to be like some one eles but because you deserve to live your life the way You want to. It's simple just take the first step. then the next then the next. You will see your world start to open up. you will feel better about your self becauce your life will start to fill up as you go. Now are you thinking about depression right now or are you asking your self "do I have a dream?" and "What is it?"

[wineandroses]

Are you attending any therapy, either individual or group?  I always have found group therapy to be so helpful to me.  Something about being around people going thru the same thing seem to help.  
Perhaps your "cocktail" is not the correct ingredients for you.  I have been on Cymbalta but it did not help me much and neither did the Celexa. The Effexor helped me tremendously, perhaps you need to be switched back to Effexor??  If you find the new Physc doc is not working for you, find another one until you find one that helps you.
I have suffered from depression all my life too and it is a battle but I have just learned to ride the wave out and eventually  the tide will recede.  I've learned to be grateful for the good days.  Hold on, you will pull out of that depression.