Bi Polar self medicating father! Help!

[shinieshoes]

Hi all! Where to start?.... Warning this is going to be long. My dad is 53 years old. He has been manic depressive/bi polar for as long as I can remember. He has been on effexor and celexa for a few years now. I don't know the mgs sorry!  He also likes to self medicate with xanax( that the dr prescribes but he admits he doesn't need it), Norco 10s, alcohol and marijuana.  The norco is also prescribed. He first got on the norco for chronic pain. Layer he told his dr he needed more because they give him energy. The friggin dr actually gave him more!  So now he's addicted to narcotics as well. My hubby is a marine so I live 16 hrs away and I feel helpless. I suffe from the same chronic pain as he does. For some reason our muscles are always tight and that causes back and hip pain. I started doing yoga and was able to come off of the pain meds after 7 years on them. When he visits he does it with me and is always amazed at how much better it makes him feel.  As soon as he goes home though he stops even though he knows it makes him feel better.  Instead he just eats the norco and keeps chasing that high. Also he likes to mix alcohol and xanax. I have begged him to stop because it's a deadly mixture but he won't listen.  My dad is very intelligent so I don't understand why he keeps on like this. I get that depression can be debilitating as I have bouts of it from time to time. I also know it's extremely hard to make life changes. He's excitedto try new things when he comes to visit but he goes back to self medicating as soon as he goes home.  This might sound mean but my mom is not the most intellectual person in the world. As I said earlier my dad is very intelligent. We have tons of discussions and debates when he's here and my mom just calls it arguing, gets mad, then walks away. Could it make his depression worse not having anyone on the same level to talk to?  He'll be fine one minute and the next hell be super down and be running to the liquor store like that's the answer. My mom is also prescribed norco and xanax but for legitimate reasons. As an addict I know it will be next to impossible for him to quit with the opiates so readily available.   So I guess my overall question is how can I help him before he overdoses and kills himself. I worry about it every day. I know tons of things that will and have helped him. We are of like mind on alot of things and our symptoms are very similar. Thats how I know I could help. But how do I help him from 1100 miles away! I have to be able to do something I feel so powerless. I don't want to lose him. I know they say you can only be helped if you want to but that's not good enough. I have to do something! Any responses and advice would be greatly appreciated.

[CRSeaside]

Could be that you need to be in a group support situation.
What's happening in your fathers life should not be bothering you all of the time. You have a life to lead.
  I'm sorry that you worry so much. In my opinion your dad won't overdose.
Does he go online? You could even write him long letters. It would help him to be stimulated intelligent people crave it. Try not to be too hard on your mom. Their relationship probably has lots to offer in different ways. Pamela

[Anonymouse88]

Using only antidepressants for bipolar can be seriously bad news, because it can make the bipolar worse.  You can't force him to do it, but he really should look into taking a mood stabilizer of some sort.  Lithium is the classic, but given his other problems, he should see a psychiatrist who really knows what they're doing.  

If you think having someone to talk to helps him, why not set up skype calls every week or so, or however often you think would be good?  The face to face time could help, and you might be better able to talk him into going out and doing things like yoga or a hobby of some sort, and the social support could help.  Unfortunately, given that he's an adult, he's responsible for his life and you can't force him to change his behavior.  That's not to say you shouldn't try to help him, but that you're not ultimately responsible for saving him from himself if, god forbid, something really bad does happen.

[shinieshoes]

Thank you for the responses!
My dad is technologically illiterate! Lol
Unfortunately he won't go to the psychiatrist. The only dr appointment he will go to is the one he has every three months  so they will keep giving him the norco.  My grandpa died of colon cancer and he won't even get a colonoscopy even though they found polyps in his siblings. My mom said he took lithium years ago and whatever the side effects were they were awful. Is there a different kind I can suggest to him?  Unfortunately he wouldn't go for support groups or counseling.  He's not much of a phone person either but I could try to get him on the phone more often. I'm not hard on my mom. I just understand their different levels of intellect. My mom's not ignorant she just doesn't care about things like history and science. She's more into the paranormal. Instead of thinking for herself she just parrots what he believes... I will try those things though! I'm going home to visit in March so that ought to cheer him up some also! Thank y'all!

[Anonymouse88]

There are a huge number of different medications for bipolar out there, each with their own side effect profiles.  Unfortunately, you can't tell for sure what the side effects will be until you take them, and some side effects go away after a while and others don't.  And the problem with the internet is that people usually go there to complain about their meds, and not to shout about how awesome their meds are working, so you get a very biased view of them.  It might be a good thing that he's technologically illiterate in that sense.

I recommend checking out the crazymeds.us medication wiki.  It has a whole section on medications for bipolar, although a lot of the newer drugs don't have their own pages.  The pages are in plain English, though, which is a great help.  There are also forums, which do have more up to date info about more recent medications or the very old ones.  They won't let you discuss treatment for someone else, but you can read around to see people's experiences.

Can you call up the doctor who gives him the norco, and ask that doc to do an evaluation?  Another good point is that some of the mood stabilizers in the anticonvulsant class are very good for treating pain as well, especially if the pain is neuropathic.  It might be a good selling point.