Hello. My boyfriend has been diagnosed with bipolar. He is compliant on his medicine (lithium) but when he has been without medicines (switching therapists because he had to move back home with his parents because he lost his job, etc) or seems to be too low a dose of medicine, he falls back into a pattern where he calls everyone a racist (he is biracial), acts very self-centered, starts texting/sexting other women (once slept with another woman, once left town to be with another woman), masturbates more, and we have sex more frequently. He also talks about another woman who he was with for 2 months, saying how much he loves her and that she was his only true love.
When all of this is over, he regrets flirting with/sexting other woman and said he deeply regrets sleeping with the other woman with whom he slept. He sometimes denies the flirting/sexting or is dismissive of the events (he said he was going to another state to be with another woman; he had sex with her and came home, saying she was deeply damaged). In the case of him sleeping with another woman, the first one happened 1-1/2 year ago yet stays with me, because (as you might imagine) my trust in him has never been fully restored.
I have insecurities because I am 20 years his senior (he's 31, I'm 51) but I am fit and fun. When we talk about the age differences when he is healthy, he says it is a non-issue.
Recently his psychiatrist took him off Prozac (my boyfriend told the psychiatrist he was feeling suicidal) and put him on a very low dose of lithium. When the Prozac started wearing off he re-started the pattern of calling people racists, sexting woman, remarking on young female friends' sexy pictures, speaking aggressively, arguing with nearly everyone, and acting very aggressive (dumping out liquor bottles, heaving them across our yard/alley, throwing a bag of dog poop across the yard).
Every time this happens, I kick him out to preserve my sanity and to ensure I am safe (he is nearly 7'; I am 5'3"). He goes to stay with his mother in Tennessee or father in New York. And THAT is a big mess because he is successful in Chicago and has nowhere to live except with me.
My questions are these:
1. How do I gauge how much is too much before calling it quits for good? He is kind and gentle when he is not in this state.
2. Am I correct in seeing these acts (hyper-sexuality, grandiosity, verb aggression, race rants) as mania?
3. Is it important for him to admit he has bipolar (he swears he does not have it yet is compliant on his meds)? His father believes he denies bipolar because his grandmother is deeply psychotic and he greatly fears being her. His mother and I believe he should acknowledge it so he can be in charge of his health.
Thank you for trying to help me understand.