Scariest episode of my life...

[rBoulet]

8 days ago I started to feel a bit strange while I was out shopping with my fiance. I started to dance around in the stores and run around ahead of her trying to find things to buy. Then over the next week I just kept getting higher and higher, I could hear people talking to me and they were talking about how great of a driver I was, in fact I was the best driver in the world! Stop signs, red lights, speed limits, they all meant nothing to me because I was just too good for them. I drove around for no reason, I took the longest possible route everywhere, I played my music as loud as I could with my windows rolled down driving as fast as I could. I'm shocked I didn't kill anyone or myself just from that.
All my thoughts were sped up and everything I thought was right. But when people thought otherwise I would get very angry, to the point of yelling at people. And I just couldn't sit still, I was everywhere, tapping my feet, tapping my fingers, pacing around, going for walks with the dog. It felt like if I didn't let the energy out I would explode and just yell and yell and just go insane.
That lasted until Friday, then I got depressed for a night, which was a welcome break anyways. I woke up the next day feeling fine for the morning, then when the afternoon came it returned but worse! My driving got even more eratic, the music was even louder, people were still talking about me but now I was the best at everything. From about Wednesday to now I've only slept 2 nights. Then I started to see a figure following me. Everytime I looked I could see him in the corner of my eye, and when I looked he was gone. He was following me everywhere, and then my thoughts started getting darker. I could hear my fiance's voice telling me how much better off she would be without me. How much nicer it would be if there was just a way she could get away from me. How I should kill myself. And then I was depressed again, but my thoughts were still racing, all I could think about was suicide. All the ways I could do it, and that I should. I was going to do it today but I'm not in that dark place anymore.
I'm afraid of it happening again though, I'm afraid that, like last time I felt better this will only last half a day and then I'll be right back in that dark place. I've tried to kill myself twice, I don't want to try again, I kind of feel like going to the ER, but what do I say? I'm in a fairly normal mood right now, they won't do anything to help me, they'll just send me away.

[run4you]

I would put a call in to a new doc and ask for an appt ASAP (get put on the cancellation list) and explain the situation. They could at least advise you as to what you should do if something happens in the meantime.

I move around a lot, my worst fear is having an episode in between moving and finding a new doc.

I wouldn't be headed to the hospital, either, if I was feeling okay (but like you, I would be really nervous). Fingers crossed you stay 'normal' and don't need to find out where the hospital is.

[rBoulet]

I'm between psychiatrists right now because my last one's schedule clashed with my work schedule and I haven't found a new one yet. So I can't call them, I actually have no idea who I could call, I don't think I need to be admitted though as I'm feeling mostly normal right now. I'm just sort of worried that, like the last time I felt normal, it will be back soon...

[run4you]

Your doctor should have an emergency/on-call number. Call it. S/he can call ahead to the psych hospital and they will check you in from that call.

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. Please take care of yourself (obviously you are trying - been there before..).

PS - big kudos for recognizing the problem and trying to get help. That's the biggest hurdle.