Depression

[cowgirlnerd]

Ever since I was diagnosed with Bipolar I, I have struggled with depression.  Mine almost always stays in the depressive cycle.  I haven't had mania in awhile, but the depression just lingers on and on.  I currently take Lamictal 400 mg, Risperdal 1 mg, daily.  He tried me on Abilify and that was a nightmare - made me feel "crazy".  Also have tried Geodon - not good on that one either.  

I miss being happy - even if it was induced by mania.  I have so much to be happy about, but I'm just never happy.  I have extreme anxiety and every day is exhausting.   It's hard to explain this to my family because I feel guilty for complaining because I have put them through so much and truly, I'm so grateful and have everything to be happy about!  It's more than being happy - I know you all understand.  It's something that I can't shake.  So, I pretend that everything's just fine.  

I'm so thankful for being "stable" in my bipolar, but just really hate the flat - depression part of my treatment.  I would love to risk the mania for an AD, but my pdoc won't hear of it.  Since I'm not manic- I'm stable.  ....  ok......  I know I'm more stable than I have been in the past, but it's still really hard.  Why do we have to chose between the mania and depression?  Why can't we fix both???  

I am also afraid to change my "cocktail".  The times before that I have changed it, I had bad reactions.  Geodon and Abilify were HORRIBLE for me.  I thought I was losing my mind.  I just wonder if I were given the correct AD, would I be able to get out of this?  Is there a good AD that we can take?  Can we feel "normal"?

[looloo141]

I know how you feel, I have begged and begged for anti depressants in the past with no luck.. I know that they will send me into rapid cycling but sometimes I'd rather risk it just to get relief!
I have sat there in tears time and time again, I got mad once and told the Pdoc that he only cares about taking the fun stuff away and doesn't care at all about me feeling suicidal, he just sits there and nods when I tell him I don't want to be here! Then he just goes on about hospital, or getting support..but sometimes I am depressed just because I have Bipolar not because of what is going on in my life...arrghhh its so frustrating! and I feel the same about therapy, I can talk and talk and learn new ways of coping but it still doesn't work! I think he thinks I just like moaning!! LOL
I have tried Geodon, I found it good for knocking me out but thats about it.
I get a weird feeling when I'm in bed and it feels like my brain is shaking, but it happens when my thoughts are racing so I've always thought its that..
I hope your appointment goes well, let us know if he has any ideas for us!
Hugs

[cowgirlnerd]

I take Lamictal now and have for some time.  It has helped me tremendously with stabilizing my moods, but I still suffer from depression on a pretty constant basis.  I've always struggled with depression, unfortunately.  Like many other BP's, I was diagnosed with depression long before I was diagnosed BP.  

As far as Abilify, I've taken that before and I hated it.  It made me feel just really off.  I think I might have had to high of a dosage, but I felt really bad on it - just loopy.  Then he put me on Geodon - worse than Abilify.  I ended up going into his office hysterical in a full blow panic attack, insisting that he do something to help me.  I felt like I was losing my mind - literally.  He took me off of Geodon and put me on a low dosage of Risperdal. We've increased it now to 1mg.  That's helped with taking the edge off of my mania, etc., but still have the dreaded depression.  

I would never try the over-the-counter meds because I just don't want to risk it.  I've gotten better than I used to be, even if I do have the stupid depression - so I don't mess with my presc "cocktail".  

I've gone through tons of therapy, and talked and talked and talked.  I do believe that there is always life crap that accentuates the depression, but I just feel like if I could get a hold on my depression, then normal day to day things like job stress, etc., would be managable without sending me to bed.   It always worries me (even though just about everything worries me!!!!), that it was the depression from a HIGH manic episode that almost killed me.  Even though I'm not like I was back then, by any stretch of the imagination, I do hate, and fear my depression.  I guess it always will be there in some degree.

On Friday, I called to make an appointment to go in and talk to my pdoc about my depression, etc., and hopefully he can help.  I go in a week.  I just don't want him to increase my dosages of Lamictal and Risperdal.  I already stay a little foggy (nothing like on Geodon), and I have this weird thing when I move my head really fast or something, I get dizzy.  Does anyone else have that weird side effect?

Thanks for all of the information guys, it helps to have people understand what you are talking about!!!

[looloo141]

You would think in this day and age that they would find something for us, they would make a fortune LOL!
I pray that they do find the right thing for us, such a painful disorder, so many different aspects to treat, but we all find we have the same problem...we all feel that depression cannot always be controlled/relieved..they can stop a mania in its tracks pretty quickly, but not the same with depression..I guess we have to accept there may be lots of other things depressing us that can't be helped by meds, but with mania, it is 75% chemical mixed with some enviromental factors.
I feel that my mood stabiliser doesn't do a great deal (unless I stopped taking it, then I might feel different ) but I have found the newer antipsychotics to have helped me the most. Currently taking Seroquel, and my depressions don't seem to last as long, but I don't think any of us will ever find perfection from our meds.

[lindahand]

Anything seritonin bases is bad for bipolar and that is all of the antidepressants. There is growing concern that the use of anti-depressants in bipolar people can cause rapid cycling which isn't stopped once the medication is stopped. I think that is what happened with me.

I would never be on an SSRI. I take lamotrigine and that has antidepressant properties whereas Lithium tends to be better for the manic end of things.

[adel_ezz]

this proves that BP is a dopamine disorder that has nothing to do with seretonine. It's said BP is a fluctuation in the dopamine and a deficiency in the GABA

[adel_ezz]

there is nothing as a good AD unfortunately.I remember to have posted sometime ago saying if you can beat depression without an AD then you can beat BP. This is still true in my view. Since for us driven manic by AD, if you beat depression without an AD then no more depression for start the first face of the coin, and by not taking an AD then no second face too i.e. no mania. So by not having neither depression nor mania then no BP. Simple.

I also demanded from the forum to start looking for an AD that doesn't bring mania. Although nobody came to rescue me by suggesting one, i tried in the meantime lexapro/cipralex, seroxat/paxil/ some tricyclics, stablon/coaxil etc.. with no success each time I fly high in happiness then stumble into the bloody mania and each time the mania takes longer to extinguish. True i didn't try st john's wort but read about others' experience and still it brings mania. Of course there are AC's like lamictal which has AD property or abilify an AP with same action activating etc...but i am speaking of an SSRI say because it also kills not only depression but also anxiety and along with OCD. But in vain. If the pharm comp can come with an AD that doesn't bring mania then hurrah, but to disappoint you many research going on today suggests that AD's are not better than placebos.

[nlr_tiff]

I have had the same exact problem in the past. Antidepressants never seem to help either. When I went to the hospital in April they put me on Ritilan to give me more energy. And it works like a dream.