People suck

[blessed29]

I am sick of people judgeing me and being plain mean to me.  Calling me lazy etc.  My family doesnt believe in mental illness or understand what bi=polar means...they just think I blame my mistakes on the fact that I have bi-polar which I dont.  I never have used that as an "excuse" for my poor judgement.  I just wish they would leave me alone and keep their gossiping and opinions to themselves.  I tend to forgive people, be non judgemental and dont hold grudges for long.  I expect that in return but never get it.  I am way to open about my own personal business and get burned time again by these people.  Why cant I just shut up and not tell them anything?  Why am I so open? Why am I a crappy house keeper?  Why dont I want to go out of the house?  Why do I like dark rooms rather than having the sun shining in?  I have been without my seroquel for 2 mos. and my lamictal and prozac for 3 weeks because I lost my job and health insurance I am hopeing to get back on my meds within a few weeks but does anyone have any advice on dealing with people in the meantime?  

[LeftCoastChick]

I totally get what you mean, people do suck sometimes.  After my diagnosis in July, boy folks either were leary of being around me, or just stopped talking to me.  I have a lot of descriptive four letter words that I associate with them now. I also avoid family members who might pass judgement. This is a brain disease, it's not like I did something wrong and this is my punishment.

I'm a horrible house keeper, my place is a total mess, sometimes it's weeks before I have the energy to tidy. I am just getting levelled out on my meds, and started picking up a lil every day, but it's totally normal for your to feel like that. I'm glad you are getting your meds sorted out, and there's a ray o' sunshine for you, cheers LCC

[blessed29]

Are you on meds? I know that when I am on my meds I am much more hopeful and things are easier to handle.  I feel so bad for you that it is that bad that you dont want to live.  Do you see a Psych dr.?  You should talk to one right away if it is that bad!  You should know you arent alone...we all understand.. and it is ok not to be perfect.  I am feeling ok right now but who knows how I will feel in an hour or in a day...having bi-polar certainly is a rollercoaster ride.  Hang in there and talk to a dr. ASAP and if your not on meds, try to get on them pronto..they really do help alot.

[ladyday52]

I am Bi-Polar also.....And I agree that people suck...No one understands me and I am misunderstood by many...They keep talking about me and my many behaviors...I feel like just staying in the house...I too keep the shades drawn to keep the day from being bright.  I don't know why it is this way....I am tired of people talking about me.  I am living with a relative and they don't understand my state...They don't even try...I FEEL SO ALONE WITH THIS MENTAL IMPAIRMENT...I am at the point that I don't even want to live.....I want to just have a normal life...I pray for it daily....

[blessed29]

Thanks so much for your support!  It really means alot!  I went to my primary care dr today and he gave a financial packet to fill out where I might qualify for help.  I just qualified for the free med program Astra Zeneca offers so my dr faxed an rx for my seroquel to them today.  He should get the free seroquel from them in his office in about a week.

I do my best to avoid my family (my sister) but I cant really do that when we live in the same house.  I cant drink and she drinks everyday and can be verbally and mentally abusive.  The Good News is that I will be moving into my own place Sunday.  Its just a small 2 bedroom apartment but  it will be good enough for me and my yougest son Cody (he is 11).  He is with his dad right now and hates it.  He wants to move back with me so bad, and I miss him and my older son alot.

Hopefully things will pick up when I get my own place.  I have had so many things go wrong in my life in the last 3 years and I hope the bad karma is over.  I hope I will go through a period in my life now that is blessed and has good luck and karma. Thank goodness I have managed to keep it together enough to make it through these horrific past 3 years.  Thanks again to all of you for your continued support.  It means alot to talk to people who have the same illness.  No one else understands, It's like a support group.  I really need that right now.

[cowgirlnerd]

Most of us have been where you are - and it really sounds like you need your meds (DUH, Huh!?).  I know you know that - but you need to do what Lizz said, and get to an agency in your area that will help you.  I would also call the Pdoc and tell them you are out of meds, and you have been for a few weeks and see what he can do to get you some samples in the meantime.  

It also sounds like you might be in a manic state in addition to your depression - boy have I been there!  It's a scary place to be - especially when you feel judged by people close to you.  My family has not been supportive and I feel the main reason is that they would have to face a lot of realities.  Reality #1) it's familial and it's evident to me that my father had it - my mom doesn't want to face that. #2) I needed help a long time ago and kept getting the "bootstraps" talk...D&MN I hate that talk.  #3) they might have issues themselves.  SO, it might not be necessarily you - but they might not like facing the demons themselves.  

Anyway, this forum is helping me a lot and I get issues that I discuss with my therapist that help a lot - from this forum!   We understand what you are going through - believe me - and we don't judge, so just vent all you need to!

Hang in there and get those meds!

Racheal

[Lizz67]

I can totally relate, too.  And like Bulldozer, since I found MedHelp this summer it has been a big help.  I feel less alone and understood.  I don't have any places to talk about the nitty-gritty, except with my counselor.  And counseling is a Huge part of my continued stability.

But right now, getting back on your meds is most important.  You need to "stop the bleeding."

Some ideas are calling your doctors office for advice and see if they have samples to give you.
I get my meds through the pt assitance programs from two compainies.  This may take a couple of weeks.
I get my Lamictal free and my Prozac is generic.  From Kroger or Wal-Mart it only costs $4.00 month.
Is there a community mental health center nearby? (If you're in the US).
There should be one.  That's where I get all my help and it's free.
Call a local psych's office and see if they know any low-cost alternatives for care.

Good Luck to you and I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad.  I stink at housekeeping, too. And prefer to be inside alone when I'm down when really I'm a people person.

[bernie40]

Oh how this has touched me!  I too have been at the receiving end of judgemental narrow-minded people.  Sadly this seems to be a trait in a lot of human beings.  I relate to everything that you have written and if you want to message me please feel free.  Medhelp has been a big support to me, being able to talk to people in the same boat has made a world of difference.

Thinking of you and take care

[RJ233]

You tell them things because you need someone to talk to. You like dark rooms, and don't want to go out of the house because you are depressed. I would stop seeing the family. I wouldn't talk to them (get an answering machine to screen your calls) or go to the door to talk to them. You don't need to have anyone around that depresses you more. The depression makes you not want to do things because you really have no interest in things and you can feel over whelmed with things you may need to get done. It is not adnormal. Usually they have a mental health listing in the section with the sheriff's office, schools etc. so check it out like the above suggestion to get back on meds. If your family can't say something positive and give you support, then you don't need to have that negativeness in your life. Maybe they will wake. They need to educaate themselve before they start judging. Most people know absolutely nothing about the illness. Hope everything works out for you. RJ

[LetaB]

Social Services has emergency programs just to prevent this sort of temporary lapse in meds. Have you inquired? Do you have a regular psych doc? Sometimes they have the resources to take care of the interem of being without meds. If you look under the heading of the "Bipolar" tag at the top of our forum page they nlist "poor judgement" as one of the symptoms of being bipolar. I have religious nuts in my family who prefer to think my children and I are inhabited by DEMONS! And that this is our faults and if we would only....Remember that these psychiatric conditions are often familial and there is no one on this green earth who is less sypathetic to their own than a family member with an undiagnosed condition of ADHD, Oppositional/Defiance disorder, Asberger's Syndrom, etc.  "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" and "I also used to be full of self pity..." is what I always heard from mine.