is he crazy or am i a bad mom/wife??

[jesslynng]

~help~so before we married my husband and I dated about 2 years on an off.He is 8 yrs older and so his mom would have problems with us dating so she would have him break it off with me.My husband(bf at the time) would call me and say he never loved me and he would always hang out with boys that were 13 and one about my age saying he was being a father figure ; / he claimed to be a great Christian man which is what i wanted,but then I had my doubts but i was young, stupid and in love.well when we married he was ok, (btw we had to live with my mom cause he was living with his mom and just got a job around the time we were in engaged...shouldve been my first clue) we ended up getting pregnant and so we had to get our own place quick .so my mom and him got into an argument cause he was being a jerk to me so he ran out and tried to leave with my mom fussing at him for being the way he was towards me. he made me move out and into his moms extra house and his mom kicked us out a week later on his bday so we lived with my mom until we found somewhere else.since we had our son my husband has gotten worse! he says Im bipolar (i have social anxiety and low self esteem) when we fight it always comes back as my fault , cause i dont have a job is his excuse for being angry with me and i dont do anything well he works comes home and i do everything else and i clean a doc. office 5 days a week. i have probs with my ear and hands.. eczema, hyperhydrosis and an ear infection for three yrs no one can cure.my boy has speech probs so we have people in and out the house for therapy i deal with all that! and at night he has this thing where he wakes up and yells at me or curses at me for no reason. my son cries cause he doesnt like to sleep alone so i sleep with him so my husband can get rest then i go back and forth at night to sleep with both of them...as soon as i get in my bed my son wakes up crying and my husband says he needs to grow up...HES TWO!. so when i go to comfort my baby my hubby gets angry and says he needs his wife to act like a wife.....also his mother is as sweet as she can be then she gets in her moods and will talk about my fam treating us like crap..my fam is great they cant help with money but they do with everything else they can.also she says im a bad mom and wide i dont do anything for my husband or my son.....i need some help!!!! my hubby has add and sometimes blames iton that or says he has sleep apnea but that wouldnt cause the way he acts its more like anger or mental disorder they all have his moms bro has bipolar so nay suggestions whats going on with these people??o and his mom and brother does the same things to his brothers wife /

[happymama1817]

I dont want to step out of line here but his behavior is totally unacceptable. You are worthy, you are an excellent mom, and he is being very unfair to you by saying you do nothing. My daughter was in a relationship with a guy who's mom didnt like her and it put her through absolute heck. It put such a strain on their relationship and they eventually broke up because he started lying to my daughter and treating her badly because his mom kept interfering and speaking really bad about my daughter. I was in an abusive relationship for many years so it is breaking my heart to read your post. Have you asked him to get help? Dont count on him to be your rock and your provider right now, it seems like he cant be. The fact that other family members treat their spouses badly it seems like a pattern of abuse and patterns will continue until someone breaks them. I agree with ILAD that you need to STICK TO YOUR GUNS when you tell him to get help or get out. And you can have your sons appts moved to your moms house so don't let that be your reason for staying. Think long term...what is this going to do to you and your son in 5 years?

[jesslynng]

Thx right now i am staying with mom but it is difficult for me to leave my home because my child has services that come in for speech so i do not want to go home but i have to and my husband will not leave.he says its his house too and so i have to deal. we have had some problems over the past few days and i told him today he either gets some help and change or its done i cant keep doing this im beginning to question my sanity and thats what he wants. i use to be so in love but its getting to the point he makes me sick but our boy loves his dad and its so disturbing that he cant see his son wants him to be there but be our rock and protector and provider. anyway thanks for the comment

[ILADVOCATE]

  Yes it sounds as if he might need help, certainly some form of counseling at least but regardless his behavior is abusive and unwarranted. It would be a difficult decision but if he could not stop this as his behavior is impacting on you and you child he would have to agree to stop this or it would be best to leave him. If he is willing family therapy might be of help in addition to seeing a psychiatrist on his own but he should not be verbally abusive and manipulative to you or your son and he has to agree to that.