Child with bipolar, or some other disorder?

[SeattleRose]

My cousin is 10.  He has been tentatively diagnosed by a doctor with having bipolar.  However, the rest of my family isn't sure this is correct.  For a few reasons.

First, his parents were divorced about 3 years ago.  They never got along and the main form of communication in their house was screaming.  My uncle also tended to punch or kick holes in the walls when he became upset.  Both of his children including the now 10 year old, slept in their parents bed until they divorced.  The older child is now 15.  When his wife left him, she moved into a house with her new boyfriend who the kids didn't like.  My uncle's ex wife takes her children to psychiatrists but if they won't prescribe my cousin pills or in any was suggest that the child's home environment is a cause, she takes him right out and puts him with another psychiatrist.  He has seen 15 different people in 3 years.

My youngest cousin is prone to huge rages.  Screaming, kicking, throwing things.  If someone comes near him when he is even slightly upset, he will attack them.  He's thrown his bike at someone, and he will choke the person he's angry at or bite them, or punch them.  It does not take much to provoke him.  I took my kids to their house to drop something off for my uncle two weeks ago.  My two children (ages 2 & 5) both grabbed for one of my cousins truck toys and the 2 year old cried out "mine!".  My cousin became so engraged he closed his eyes, balled his fists and screamed in a very low, unchildlike voice "stop screaming, stop screaming, stop screaming! I'm gonna hit someone I swear to god!"  My uncle had to rush him out of the room into a bedroom where my cousin started kicking the walls and screaming.

When he visits they have to hide knives, lighters, and anything else he could use because if he gets mad he'll threaten people with it.  Right now he's on 3 different medicines and a bunch of herbal supplements that his mother's boyfriend believes is better than what the doctors are prescribing.

They won't commit him and they swear that other kids make up stuff about their child.  Recently they found out that they're oldest boy was sexually abusing the youngest for about a year.  Their mom hired a very expensive lawyer who got the charges reduced but now the oldest boy lives at his grandmother and is allowed no contact with the younger one.  

I can't visit my uncle anymore because I fear of what might happen to my children and he seems to be in complete denial about his son's.  His ex wife is even worse and blames the doctors for trying to tell her it's her fault.  Meanwhile I see two boys that are very disturbed.  The oldest is a convicted ********* who, if asked, will say that his younger brother wanted it.  The youngest rages at you if you don't let him watch Spongebob Squarepants and will threaten you with a knife if you tell him to take his meds.  To me it does not seem like he has biopolar, it seems he is psychotic and needs to have some intensive therapy with a constant doctor who can figure out how to help him.

[JillthePill77]

I worked with an 11 year old Bipolar child who did many of the same things - really terrorized the school and his parents.  As far as I could tell , his family were very supportive and loving, but they just didn't know what to do.  Because I am Bipolar, I recognized the symptoms and taught him about my problems.  I was careful to tell him that I couldn't diagnose him, but I would teach him the things I use to help myself.  I've also had 20 years teaching a Special Day Class, so I had insights that other people might not have.

I was the Speech Therapst at my school and our agreement was that he must not interfere with my groups or he would have to go home immediately.  His mother always picked him up right away and also came and got him if I needed to go to meetings, etc.
His parents were absolutely thrilled to have somebody who was willing to work with him.

He was extremely good about not interfering with my groups, but often had raging fits when his was alone with my aide and me.  They were scary if you don't Know bipolar kids.  On the flip side, he was the sweetest, most charming child if he was calm.

I started with teaching him that there was absolutely nothing he could do that would make me angry or stop caring about him.  However, he got absolutely no attention for
his rages.  We totally ignored him and went about our business as if he wasn't there.
I taught him deep breathing techniques and he gradually learned to use them to calm himself.  He learned about bipolar disorder and how chemical changes can cause great kids to have bad behavior.  Gradually, he started recognizing his mood swings and stepping outside the door when he felt them coming on.

Then we were ready to send him back out on the playground with the other kids.  At first, he stayed away from any sources of conflict.  He despirately wanted to play basketball, but he got angry if he wasn't winning.  I convinced the Principal that he needed to chew gum while he played.  Chewing gum helped him relax to the extent that he was able to play basketball without any more incidents and playing outside helped reduce his energy level so that he could be successful inside the classroom.

Next, we introduced another child into the mix.  My aide worked with those two, while I worked with my Speech kids.  It was tough for a week or so and we had to convince our bipolar kid that his behavior was meant to be perfect even when he had to share.  We started a system of point rewards that lead to a big trip to a pizza place with lots of video games.  It was impossible for him to loose the trip, but he could lose tokens for video games.  The other boy also learned points and they shared them at the pizza place.  We all had a great time and had absolutely no problems at all.

My proudest moment was when he was raging for a very good reason.  I had promised to take him on a field trip, but my daughter was sick and I couldn't go.  He was barely okay with that until he heard that the aide was still going on the field trip.  He was in the middle of a rage when he mother walked in and tried to sypathize with him.  I was kinda rude and said, "We don't treat him like that in this room."  She looked at me like I was crazy.  He immediately said, "Yeah, Mom. It accelerates my behavior!"  He explained bipolar disorder and I think his mother finally listened.  She had been in denial beforehand.

I have a lot of experience being 100% consistant and it was truly neccessary.  I found that DARE TO DISCIPLINE by Dobson gave me great insight into working with my own child.  This child didn't take any medication and I handled my full Speech load as I worked with him.  I was given a wonderful aide to help me while he was in my room.  She left about a month before the end of school, but came back for our pizza trip.

I know I have given you a lot of information,but I hope it helps.  Please let me know if there is anyway I can help.  By the way, I firmly believe in medication for bipolar disorder.  I take 4 or 5 drugs to help control my bipolar issues and their side effects.  I wouldn't be functioning nearly so well without them.

[chelle0]

I CAN UNDERSTAND OME OF WHAT IS GOIING ON BUT COULD NOT TELL YOU IF THE DX IS CORRECT OR NOT. MY SON IS NINE ADN GOES THROUGH THE SAME THINGS HE WAS DX BIPOLAR A YR AGO AND ADHD AT 4YRS OLD. HE DOES ALOT OF THE SAME THINGS THAT YOUR SOUSIN IS DOING BUT MORE EXTREME. MY SON ALSO HAS BEEN THROUGH A DIVORCE AND LOST TWO SISTERS DURING IT. I THOUGHT AT FIRST THAT IT MIGHT HAVE ALOT TO DO WITH IT, BUT AS TIME WENT ON HIS PROBS GOT WORSE AND ABUSE TOWARD ME STARTED HE BITE CURSES HITS BREAKS THINGS OF HIS AND OTHER PEOPLE HE IS ON 3 DIFFERENT MEDS AND THEY HAVE SEEM TO HAVE HELPED SOME BUT WHEN HIS BODY GETS USE TO THE MGS OF THE MEDS THEY HAVE TO GIVE HIM MORE. ALSO SOMETHING DOES YOUR COUSIN REMEMBER THE THINGS THAT HE SAYS AFTER HE SAYS THEM MOST BIPOLAR CHILDREN DONT IT IS JUST A MOMENT IN TIME TO THEM WHERE MY SONS FITS LAST A HOUR OR MORE SOME TIMES AND HE MIGHT REMEMBER GETTING MAD BUT NOT EVERYTHIGN HE SAID OR DONE GO TO MY PROFILE AND READ SUM OF MY JOURNALS I JUST STARTED YESTERDAY AND YOU CAN READ SUM THINGS I GO THROUGH. LIKE MY SON ASKED WHERE MY BRUSES CAME FROM THIS MORN AND I EXPLAINED THAT IS WHERE HE WAS BITTING ME AND HITTING I HAVE 6 BITE MARKS AS WE SPEAK THAT IS JUST FROM THE LAST FIT HE HAD . IF YOUR COUSIN WAS DX CORRECTLY THEN ALL I CAN SAY IS HE NEEDS SOMEONE TO BE THERE FOR HIM AND ITS HARD AND WILL BREAK YOUR HEART BUT AS PARENTS OR FAMILY WE HAVE TO BE THEIR OR WE WILL BE THE NEXT FAMILY ON CNN TELLING ABOUT HOW THEY KILLED SOMONE YA KNOW AND THAT HARD TO HEAR AND SWALLOW BUT IN THIS DAY ITS THE TRUTH YA KNOW..

GOOD LUCK