A struggling significant other looking for help...

[n_c_h]

I do NOT suffer from bipolar disorder... my boyfriend does... I love him very very much but sometimes I feel as though I am the problem. He blames me for a lot of things and I've tried just taking it and shaking it off cause I do not think he intends to hurt me with his words and lately he's been getting worse and I find myself arguing back. I feel like I need to let him know that he's hurting me. Maybe if I tell him he's breaking my heart every time he gets angry that it will help him control it. He is not on regular medication he has a medical marijuana card and takes an all natural pill called happy camper. I don't know what the best thing to do is. I'm going away to school and we'll be two hours apart, which isn't bad considering that we're four apart right now, but he doesn't want me to go. He says that I will just make him miserable knowing that I'm not with him. What do I do? How do I help? I refuse to give up because I do love him and I do want to make it work... I was hoping someone else who suffer's from it could give me some advice....

I've accepted that we'll be struggling with this our entire life if things work out, that is fine with me. But what if I am the problem???

And only one thing is really getting to me, I keep thinking that I am making things worse by going to school. I make myself ill because I worry about him so much. I don't care that he is bipolar, I just don't want to make things worse for him. Or is that inevitable???

I'm sorry if I've misused this venting blog but I am a significant other who wants to help her boyfriend. Anyone who could offer help would be great. I just need some more opinions on my situation....

[n_c_h]

Honestly, It is going to be very very very difficult to be in your shoes. As long as he WANTS help he will take it. You need to lay the ground rules before he walks into your home. He needs to understand that you will not be putting up with that and that he cannot be with her to stay in your home. You are sacrificing a lot in this situation and if he is appreciative he will do the things you've asked him not to do.

[mindymcnally]

I too am in your shoes.  He's a very dear friend of mine that I love very much and he is 42 so he has dealt with his BP / PTSD for a while.  however, over the past several years he's been in a toxic relationship with a meth addict and he too turned to the meth rather than meds.  He's trying to break free from her, and he is on meds (not the right ones cause he's in jail right now and they are just sedating him more or less) but he's getting out soon and he's coming to stay with me.  he's trying to get over the girl and the meth and I'm not sure how successful its gonna be.  I'm scared, and worried for him.  Not only does he have the addiction to the drug but he associates the "love" with the addiction!  I'm gonna have my hands full!  

[n_c_h]

He doesn't resent me and when he isn't angry is nothing like this at all but the anger is almost unstoppable. I'm glad that you understand this. It is hard to find people who do. I have always been more than willing to help him and the anger doesn't scare me. I just hate seeing him upset and feeling helpless... which you are very very right about...

[paranoid_cataclysm]

I think mental illness can be especially hard on loved ones because they see their loved one going through these problems and are fairly powerless to do anything directly and can only help and support the person however they can and the ones who do not understand at all it must have an even harder time.  Of course people not going through it will never understand entirely but they can get some form of understanding.  Some people refuse to believe there is a serious thing wrong with their loved one and go into denial about the issue which it's good you're accepting things so you can try to help him cope with this illness.  It's going to be a struggle like you expected but bipolar disorder is highly treatable if the person is on the right medication so there might still be hope if he just would get on the proper meds.  I suppose it's a good sign that he still wants to be around you if he is afraid he is losing you to your schooling.

[razeberryrain582]

ok the frist thing is 2 see if he wil go and talk 2 someone really soon than they can find the rite meds 2 put him on as 4 u  ur great helping him out standing by him but u must take care of urself see bipolar disorder is hard they hav mood changes at any given time they get very sad and sometime want 2 hurt themselves so understand the disorder look it up 2 get a better understanding let me no how it's going thxs

[n_c_h]

Thank you and honestly I'm going away to school so he feel's as though he is losing me. He has control issues also... Thank you for your help. It is nice to know that people actually take the time to read these things and try to help.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

From the sounds of things I take it you really care for him and it's most likely not your fault.  I'm not going to pry into what you are doing that sets him off however.  He needs to see a psychiatrist and get on a legitimate medication if he is getting worse and it is affecting your relationship.  Chances are it is out of your power to make the situation better and he needs to get to a psychiatrist as I said.  Agitation over even minor things can be a part of bipolar disorder during both depression and mania from what I understand.