HELP - feeling like i'm going crazy

[lagatta]

Does anyone out there have problems with grey areas in life?  I don't seem to have a centre or know where I stand in situations.  For example, I recently was in a MVA and am suffering from whiplash.  I pushed myself to work until I just couldn't take it anymore and then went to see the doctor at a walk-in clinic (there was a two week wait for my family doc.)  The doctor advised that I take a few days off and then start physio.  


The three days that I took off immediately preceded my vacation by three days.  I'm expected back at work tomorrow.  During this time I've had various different people advising me what to do.  My physio thinks I need a gradual return to work but I'm afraid of employer repercussions ....my sister thinks I'm exaggerating the pain and should go back full-time....my husband wants me to follow the physio's advise.  When I went back to the walk in clinic the doctor that I originally saw is not expected back until tomorrow and the doctor filling in wouldn't make any recommendations.  On top of it all, I have a friend who is visiting me and I've been finding it very stressful being a hostess.  

I haven't been getting any sleep and I feel like I'm about to loose it or go off on someone.  Honestly, I feel like I'm going out of my mind.  I'm not really sure where I stand with this whiplash thing or know what to do.  I'm often like this when there are no clear-cut answers.  It's like I can't form an opinion of my own and stand by it.  I don’t know my inner truth.   Does anyone else experience this?  Is this a part of BPII or is it just me?  Honestly, when I get like this it's really, really weird and difficult to explain.  I'm in so much fear that I'm not doing things or reading them correctly.

[lagatta]

Thanks for your suggestions!  It didn't even occur to me to come up with some coping strategies with my employer.  I'm in a union position so I'm pretty sure that they couldn't let me go due to my illness but I'm a little scared to come out.  I will talk to my pdoc about it on my next visit.  As always, thanks for your input!

[lagatta]

I'm feeling a bit better today but yesterday I felt like I was going to loose it.  I just didn't know what was real.  Yes, I'm aware that my feelings sometimes are out of touch with reality/very intense so sometimes I'm scared that I'm not perceiving the situation correctly.  On the other hand, I've had plenty of times where I ignored my inner voice that turned out to be correct.  I'm experiencing A LOT of anxiety lately and have a feeling that is what this crazy feeling is all about.

[faith_grl]

Hey I think I relate. I have recently been on a manic bender where I think I know everything and all my decisions are correct. I have also (prior to that) been very depressed and I thought everything I did or thought was wrong.

I have found it useful to float my ideas /proposed course of actions past somebody I can talk to for a reality check. I usually ask around 3-5 people and whoever's advice sounds the most suitable for me (I usually ask my heart/bellybutton!) I'll just adopt wholesale and do as they suggested ...and not think about it anymore. Do you have a therapist/trusted friend etc...to do this with? Alternatively this forum can be something to float your ideas to?

It has worked really well with my mania...I was about to do some pretty crazy **** (like dropping all my support network) and decided against it on some sobering advice from somebody I trust....

[ILADVOCATE]

I was speaking about laws regarding people with disabilities in the workplace. If you feel that stressed out and things are getting out of control or feel out of touch with reality as you described, its worth following up with your psychiatrist. However, there are people who have symptoms of bipolar and other related psych. disabilities that set up realistic coping strategies. One person wrote that they worked (full time) in a library and would take a "time out" where they would write in their journal entry in a seperate room when stressed. When I was physically able to work part time during lunch break I took a nap to sleep off the effect of sedating medications in a seperate room. Those are examples. If you want to know more about what the exact laws are as regards workplace acccomodations for people with disabilities in Canada here's a list of the independent living centers there:http://www.ilru.org/html/publications/directory/canada.html

[lagatta]

Hi There,

Thanks for your response.  When you talk about disability laws are you talking about BPII or MVA disability laws?  My BP affects my ability to cope with situations and right now I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  Is this normal for people in my situation?  I'm so emotionally fragile and distraught.  I feel like I'm out of touch with reality.  It's not like I see or hear things that others don't it's more like I'm not sure if what I'm feeling or perceiving is real.  Does anyone relate to this or am I the only one?

[ILADVOCATE]

I think you need to plan out about your job. I don't know disability law outside of the U.S. but I'm sure there must be some form of disability rights law similar to the ADA in Canada (apologize for not knowing). Under the ADA you can request reasonable accomodations that would make your job easier. But regardless of what specific rights you have think of the specific stressors that occur at the job and ways around them that won't impact on the workplace and speak to your supervisor about ways they could be set up before you go back to work.