Hot and cold with girlfriend. Depression or something else?

[irritatedmuch6789]

Whenever I'm in a relationship , it first goes well then after half a year or so I don't feel the same about them anymore. It's like I fell out of love. And seeing them makes me anxious and irritated , overwhelmed.  I'd rather be by myself than be around her. I feel suffocated and want to flee. I started to wonder if it's my depression making me feel like I don't want to be around her anymore?  Or is there something wrong with the relationship itself and we should break up?  It's really bothering me because I don't want to keep letting her go especially when shes been so good to me. But I can't shake the irritation and feeling that I've fallen out of love with her. But then some days I feel fine and I enjoy being around her. Does anyone have this kind of hot and cold experience ?

[lindahand]

After the initial stages of 'in love/lust' there is actually a drop in dopamine in the brain. It is possible you are seeking the 'high' of being 'in love' and when that wears off you don't know what to do. It could be depression related but you don't mention suicidal thoughts or lack of energy, and you have noted that this is a pattern. The fact that it is a pattern you've repeated suggests it may be psychological verses physiological.

There is a point in a relationship when love becomes a choice. Something you have to actively cultivate. You don't always feel the romantic love but a deeper more abiding love prevails. One too where you are accepted for who you are with full knowledge of your faults. In romantic love it is like the two of you have no faults. The rose coloured glasses people talk about. And for some people for a variety of reasons may have difficulty with this deeper love. It involves more risk, and that can be scary. Love isn't for the weak of heart.

I would really consider talking to a therapist. Even if you decide this is a person you don't want to be with, so you can break the cycle for the next relationship that comes.

[ILADVOCATE]

  Yes I have and I found that it was helpful to speak to a therapist together if the other person was willing.