How can i stop these destructive "bad moods"

[bernie40]

Really fed-up today and in such a bad mood.  Snapped into this bad mood yesterday and can't snap out of it.  Got a headache from trying to keep my mouth buttoned so that I don't upset folks.  I'm just wondering how others cope with this side of bp.  I'm so angry that I can't settle to do anything that will take my mind off it, plus its difficult with the kids all home as I can't just go off somewhere and let rip or climb into my bed and sleep it away (which is what I normally do when the kids are at school).

I sometimes think I should have lived alone, shouldn't have married and had kids. I crave peace and quiet and my own space, yet I love my family to bits and wouldn't be without them.  I've often thought of leaving but then my heart breaks at the thought of leaving them.  It just feel so unfair to them to have to put up with me and my psycho moods - happy one minute, ecstatic another, then depressed, then angry, chronic tiredness, hyperactivity, etc etc.  Jeez I never know what mood I'm going to be in and it must be horrid for them never knowing which mummy is going to get up in the morning.

Its been about 2 and a half years now that I've been trying out various meds and nothing is doing the job.  Starting on carbamazepine today, Fingers crossed I don't get side effects and fingers crossed it doesn't leave me like a zombie.

Thanks for listening.

[dwray1]

sorry you are having a bad time.  I have no good news to report from my situation with my wife.  I fear she will continue to make bad decisions and there is really nothing I can do about it.  She returns on Aug. 19 and I have no idea what I will be getting back.

I had to have a catscan  yesterday and sent her a text telling her and that she was the emergency contact in case something went wrong.  I got no response whatsoever and it really hurt.  The wife, I knew, before 4 weeks ago was so caring and loving.  I truly miss her.

[minesia]

I am jealous of normal people and I make the mistake of talking to others about my disorder hoping someone will chime in and tell me how they are crazy too but that never happens.  I feel the worst for kids.  I never play outside with them we never got o the park or anywhere.  My husband and their grandmother take them places but I am always too tired or cranky to go anywhere or do anything.  I wish I had something to look foward to.  I have no hobbies or friends I don't do anything social.  No drinking, I even quit cigarettes.  I think that is what makes me crazier is not having something to say okay just make it through till the weekend or anything like that.  Something to get excited about  some goal in life.  I am about to take my Seroquel tonite and somehow muster the energy in the morning to got to work and be functional.  

[Tink70]

Boy did I need to read all that today!  I just kinda "snapped" into a mild psychotic state about 30 minutes ago myself.  Nothing really the matter - just a crappy bp mood swing.  One of those WTF moments where you have that deep inside craving for something and you just feel so darned mad about SOMETHING and then ever little thing sets you off and WHEW...ever post I identified with.  And they all helped me.  This disorder is just baffling to me and I feel so bad for those around me.  One minute I think I can take on the world and then the next minute I'm a feeble, wimpering woman in the corner afraid of her own thoughts!  Thank Goodness for my hubby.  I hate him sometimes and am learning how to keep those thoughts and words to myself but somehow he stays with me through all the verbal bashings and the threats cause then I snap out of it and swing the other way and it's like he's the best thing since sliced bread!  It's just crazy and I never know when it's gonna hit!  And I'm in the middle of filing for disability and my rock, my hubby is 2800 miles away from me and the kids are driving me even more batty and this disorder (and the various others that afflict my mind) are all hounding me at once and boy have I just gotten myself into some crazy chaos!  So thanks for all the posts - it's comforting to know that I'm not alone.  My meds are helping thankfully - I mean I really can see a difference and I know that they are working - I definetly do NOT feel as Bat S*** Crazy as I did 6 months ago but DA ZANG...I am so jealous of the "normal" people in the world!  You know?  The ones that just get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, have a drink, watch the tube, cook some dinner, mess with their kids, go to bed and they don't get too excited about too much.  Just kinda hum drum...sometimes that just looks SO APPEALING!  And to have the symphony of thoughts and music to just STOP inside my brain!  Oh, what heaven that would be. The meds make it a little bit better but really just the organization of the symphony...it's still just as busy up there.  From the moment my eyes open and my feet hit the floor to the moment that Seroquel kicks in....(that's my favorite time of the day...the moment the Seroquel kicks in!  I get about a 30 minutes window of absolute peace...AAHH! )  No real thought, no real sound..just blankness...it's such relief...anybody relating to this?  Anyway -- my minds on a rampage at the moment....Thanks for listening (or would that be reading?)

[bernie40]

I hope the medications start to kick in soon for you, its not easy and with 3 young children as well - I know exactly where you are coming from, mine are 14, 12, 11 and 6 so I know what its like to have 3 close together, its darn hard!

My husband has had to learn to be patient and calm and to be honest it wasn't until we got the diagnosis and then it all made sense to him.  He does react sometimes but then he is only human and has his off days to but he's good in that he will listen and when I pointed out to him that reacting was not good he explained that he had only done that because he was stressed because the kids were stressing me etc, vicious circle, so he has to make a conscious effort not to react - as I say he has got used to it now.  He's also had to get used to me calling him useless and being completely ungrateful when I'm being vile and I cannot believe how lucky I am that he is still here.  Never stop communicating with your husband (usually best when your mood is good, lol), I swear that is the reason we are still together, compromise and communication.

[minesia]

Wow bulldozer, reading your post I could have sworn I had written it.  I have 3 kids, 1,2 and 6 yrs old.  Sometimes as much as this is exactly what I wanted growing up I feel like I can't handle it, I am in over my head.  But at the same time my kids are the ONLY reason i haven't killed myself. Unlike you though my husband isn't calm or patient.  Sometimes I feel like he feeds off me.  Instead of picking up the slack for me by being nicer or doing things around the house he takes me lead and yells at the kids and let the house be a mess.  I have been taken alot of different meds but have found lamical worked the best.  The biggest difference was I didn't have those days where I just layed in bed crying.  Recently I went off of it and I feel this time it has been worse than ever.  My dr. put me on Seroquel as well to wait for the lamictal to build up.  I don't like it so far.  But you just have to try and find what works best for you and stick with it!!!!!!  

[bernie40]

Thank you!  What more can I say but that.  :-)

[4afriend]

I'm so glad that you got a chance to read my post.  To be honest with ya...it made me cry when I typed it too lol.  I'm very glad to have been able to share my experience/feelings with you, and YES please always try to hold on to my thoughts when your feeling down that way...because my words were all heartfelt truths.

I mentioned to you that your other posts that I've seen you put on here in regards to your involvement with your children reminded me of my own mom...well, oh boy did you bring a grin to my face when you just told of your husband and his calmness and how well he handles things with your illness....THAT WAS MY DAD!  He was so wonderful...honestly he was my stepfather, but he's definately one of the best men I've ever met...we miss him so much! He was ALWAYS wonderful to my mom...no matter what the situation.  You hold on to that hubby of yours...those kind of men are so hard to come by.  Have to say though, the fact that you got him and he loves you so just verifies what a wonderful person you are...even if sometimes your not feeling that way...and yea, you hold on to that thought too!

Best wishes to you and your wonderful family!

[bernie40]

Thanks for posting.  I agree that we have to hold on to the positives in our lives and I try my best to do this.

It is hard to accept this illness, as you know and I have to try to stop twisting myself up in circles trying to find reasons for everything and learn to accept, deal with and move on with life.  I do have flashes of time where I am able to do this, it is only when the anger or the depression hits when I feel incapable of being able to be positive about anything, it is as if all rational thought flys out the window.

I am feeling much less angry now, just fatigued (which seems to be all the time), and the bad mood now feels like a distant dream already.  I start the new medication today - finally - after a few delays.

Hope you are doing ok.

[bernie40]

Phew, You don't know how much that has meant to me.  It made me cry - in a good way.  To hear from someone who has been (still is) the child of a mum with bipolar is so important.  I do beat myself up about it and worry that my kids will end up in therapy or be embarrassed and at times, as you read in my post I wonder whether I should leave.  

So, your post has really helped to see it from the childrens point of view.  I shall hold on to that.  Fortunately their dad is a very consistent, calm and loving dad who takes up the slack when I'm not well, he never reacts to my outbursts which I think helps the kids learn not to react and on the whole they all carry on doing their stuff without letting my swings upset them.

Anyway, thank you once again.  :0)

[4afriend]

Very sorry to hear you're having a hard time of it right now.  I personally don't know what it is like to have bipolar disorder.  I myself just have the severe depression.  But when I saw your post I really wanted to comment because you mentioned your family...how you sometimes feel it is unfair to them to have to deal with your moods that you go through.  My mother is bipolar and we learned of her illness when I was in elementary school.  When I was young, I do recall wondering why mom would be so upset all of a sudden..and no as a young child I didn't understand.  She wasn't officially diagnosised until I was a teenager.  What I can tell you is that even as a young child, despite my mothers mood swings at times....I NEVER thought it wasn't worth it to have her as my mom.  The only thing her illness did to me back then was make me hurt because she hurt...no it wasn't a bad hurt nor anything I regret or think I wouldn't have wanted to go through.  Being sad or hurt when she was sad or hurt only made me know how much I loved and still love her.  I remember my sister and I sitting with my mom after my dad passed away (unexpectedly at 49) she of course was having a very difficult time...she was talking of "if I'm not around after the new year..." I remember we all sat and cried, and talked and cried and talked.  It was hard and is hard as a child of someone with bipolar, because as a "child" we want to make our parents feel better too and of course with this illness...you can't.  But my mom was and is more than I could have asked for in a mother...and yes bipolar included.  You see, you may feel like this is an everyday battle to you, I'm sure that it is or at least can be.  But as for us, the children, we don't see the illness effecting your to that extreme or at least as much as what you feel it.  We've had lots of ups and downs with moms illness, but I can honestly tell you that I am truly blessed to have her as my mom...she was and is an excellent one in every aspect of the word.  I just wanted to share that with you because I don't want you to think that your kids shouldn't have to put up with you...because I really don't think that your kids feel that way at all!....I know because I've read your posts...and the things you have mentioned with your children....you remind me of my mom :)  I hope your new med helps and you get to feeling better soon!

[Jikan]

Namaste,

The mood swings are one of the most difficult things to contend with when your Bipolar and unfortunately there are no quick fixes. I've been on so many medication cocktails I can't remember how many or what they were. Although I still have my mood swings, I finally feel better than I have in 6 years of trying different medication combinations.

So don't beat up yourself for those things you can't control. Try to focus on the positive and remember it sometimes takes a long time to find the right medications to provide some balance in your life.

Take care of yourself!! I'm sorry you're feeling badly.

Michael

[BipolarBear75]

It feels like it topped off the lithium. Lithium is pretty good but I can still go manic or hypomanic....lamictal seems to keep me on a more even keel.....I don't know how to explain it otherwise.

Yes, my boyfriend thinks he is helping but really...that is all I want to do when I am depressed and if my son is at his dad's and I have nobody to take care of....I indulge in the sleeping. Sometimes sleeping it off takes the edge off.....

[bernie40]

Hi,  How awful not to be allowed to sleep when you need to, I know that sometimes if it is a bad bout of depression you may need someone to motivate you into getting up and doing stuff, but sometimes I believe that can make it worse and sometimes sleep is all you need.

In what way did the lamictal help?

[BipolarBear75]

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I understand fully.

I have a boyfriend who will NOT let me sleep in when I am depressed which makes it WORSE!

I am now on lamictal that has been added to my lithium and I have to say that I have noticed a BIG difference.