How do I treat bipolar without zombifying myself mentally/emotionally?

[hopefully_this_nickname_hasnt_been_taken]

Although this is probably another transient thought resulting from a wave of depression, I feel hopeless.

I feel like I need medication to help my bipolar depression and anxiety. But with my highly involved academic and artistic activities, I can't do that to myself. I feel that I must either suffer this way or ruin/zombify myself with cognitively and emotionally dulling medication. I have not heard of a single antidepressant, anti-anxiety medication, or specifically bipolar medication that doesn't cause these symptoms or others such as drowsiness, degraded intellectual activity, short-term memory loss, or hair loss (Lamictal), or otherwise have a fundamental downside such as not being practical for long-term use in the case of most anti-anxiety medication.

As I mentioned, I have more an issue with depression than mania; the mania I encounter is hypomanic and controllable. If I can fix the whole "I'm hopeless and I hate myself and want to die" feeling long-term without dumbing myself down, then I'd be satisfied enough.