My husband feels neglected and is blaming it on the time I spend on "family functions" with my mom and my sister's family. We do celebrate each person's birthday (there is a total of 7-12 birthday celebrations per year), Catholic rites of passage for the two boys, Mother's Day, and the major Holidays - Christmas and Thanksgiving. This year my oldest nephew graduated from high school, and over the years I attended several of the kids' soccer games, carnivals, book fairs, etc. We don't have aunts or uncles or cousins here, we don't get together for barbecues, my sister and I never hang out together, but I do make time to go to my mom's at least once a week to help her with her computer and electronic things around the house. She was diagnosed with breast cancer last December so my sister, Godmother, Mom's neighbors and friends all took turns taking her to her surgery and radiation appointments. Sometimes I go to the theater with my mom, etc. She's 82 years old and slightly handicapped with a very big house. Mom lives 20 minutes away from me, my sister lives 45 minutes away. We always go to my sister's house for functions because she has the biggest house and she knows how to cook and host a party. They have been very gracious about it. My husband rarely offers to help when we go there, he never helps shop for birthday gifts or cards, he complains before every "function," always reminds me that he doesn't want to stay late (we've been married 27 years, you'd think I would know by now), and then proceeds to have the most fun while he's there and want to stay the latest with me trying to get him to go home.
Since my diagnosis and the beginning of my meds regimen, I have been unable to function properly mentally and can't find a way to keep up domestically. My husband blames this on my attending too many of the above functions and not having enough energy to clean up after him and make sure he has a clean bowl for his cereal in the morning and wipe up when he spills something. The fact is, I think he's grown up enough (he's 66) to clean up after himself. If you spill juice on the counter, you don't leave it there to get sticky - you wipe it up. If you spill coffee grounds in a white sink, you don't leave them there to stain the sink, you rinse them down the drain.
I'm starting to resent him. Who wants to clean up after someone you resent? How can I explain to him that I can barely support myself, let alone support the two of us?
Should I stop attending "family functions" so I have more time to clean up after hubby? He doesn't want me to have more time for us to spend together or to go somewhere or watch a movie or something, he's resentful of the family because I'm not there to take care of him. I don't work, he works as a school bus driver and plays in a band at night on some weekends. I lost my job 2 years ago due to my illness, and just had to resign a part-time job last week.
Help.