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Hynotized by passing headlights
What a day! I've had SUCH a horrid experience tonight and I don't know what to make of it:
I had to drive back to southern MN from Chicago tonight by myself and I was anxious about it - I should have been even more anxious. I was doing okay until the light really started to go. Before that I had noticed, driving my daughter around campus, that I felt out of touch and didn't care - which is NOT like me. I would have described my driving alone (before dark) as feeling distant, fuzzily focused, dreamy but when the lights faded - whoa nelly - my sense of unfocusedness developed into a trance. The approaching headlights hypnotized me as they jiggled up and down and steadily advanced....I shook myself out of it with each passing car but it continued and every time I had to do more to stop myself. I was talking sense to myself - internally and then louder and louder. I started slapping myself and my cheeks are still dark red. I was panicing and perspiring with effort. I tried drinking coffee, taking breaks, listening to loud music but it just got worse. I called David on my cell in near hysteria. He could not relate and suggested that I was just really tired. I've driven "very tired" - FAR more sleep deprived then I was today and nothing even close to this had ever occured. Oh. it was so frightening! I couldn't fight it any more - I was sweating bullets and vocally giving myself this outrageous, delirious pep talk - I honestly thought I would crash any second but if I could make it to the next turn off - I was so dizzy,it was touch and go. I pulled up in a Walmart parking lot thinking I'd rest there. As soon as I sat for a few minutes I seemed to be so much better. I walked around the store for a while and felt weak and shaky but when I started driving again half an hour later I was only mildly affected by the hallucination of headlights. What in the hell do you think went CRAZY wrong for me today? I stopped taking the codeine cough syrup last night so all I've got is Depakote (500mg) and Lithium (600mg) to blame for it and I've been told they're not the ones that would mess me up this way. Well, then it sure is a coinsidence 'cause I've NEVER EVER had ANYTHING like that happen before today and ever since I started these two drugs - a week ago - I have felt so strangely. This is not the "help" I had in mind and, most frustratingly of all, my depression is even more critical than before meds. If I feel horrible like this much longer I will soon check myself into a hospital. Help!
I had to drive back to southern MN from Chicago tonight by myself and I was anxious about it - I should have been even more anxious. I was doing okay until the light really started to go. Before that I had noticed, driving my daughter around campus, that I felt out of touch and didn't care - which is NOT like me. I would have described my driving alone (before dark) as feeling distant, fuzzily focused, dreamy but when the lights faded - whoa nelly - my sense of unfocusedness developed into a trance. The approaching headlights hypnotized me as they jiggled up and down and steadily advanced....I shook myself out of it with each passing car but it continued and every time I had to do more to stop myself. I was talking sense to myself - internally and then louder and louder. I started slapping myself and my cheeks are still dark red. I was panicing and perspiring with effort. I tried drinking coffee, taking breaks, listening to loud music but it just got worse. I called David on my cell in near hysteria. He could not relate and suggested that I was just really tired. I've driven "very tired" - FAR more sleep deprived then I was today and nothing even close to this had ever occured. Oh. it was so frightening! I couldn't fight it any more - I was sweating bullets and vocally giving myself this outrageous, delirious pep talk - I honestly thought I would crash any second but if I could make it to the next turn off - I was so dizzy,it was touch and go. I pulled up in a Walmart parking lot thinking I'd rest there. As soon as I sat for a few minutes I seemed to be so much better. I walked around the store for a while and felt weak and shaky but when I started driving again half an hour later I was only mildly affected by the hallucination of headlights. What in the hell do you think went CRAZY wrong for me today? I stopped taking the codeine cough syrup last night so all I've got is Depakote (500mg) and Lithium (600mg) to blame for it and I've been told they're not the ones that would mess me up this way. Well, then it sure is a coinsidence 'cause I've NEVER EVER had ANYTHING like that happen before today and ever since I started these two drugs - a week ago - I have felt so strangely. This is not the "help" I had in mind and, most frustratingly of all, my depression is even more critical than before meds. If I feel horrible like this much longer I will soon check myself into a hospital. Help!
Thanks for the nonprofessional advice. I never take anything I learn on this forum as gospel but I will say that all the intelligent questions I've known to ask my doctor was information I learned this way.
The thing is, Monkey, I WAS distracting myself. I was trying to talk myself down. I don't see how I could be any more scientific and rational in my approach. Is that what anxiety feels like? I wasn't feeling anxious about traveling - I had two good maps, I had traveled it before. This was so unexpected. Did you ever see "The Mothman Chronicles"? I'm just kidding but really, it was as if someone was saying, "You are getting very sleepy....your eyelids are getting very heavy,,,very heavy...
okay OKAY, I'm calling my pdoc!
The thing is, Monkey, I WAS distracting myself. I was trying to talk myself down. I don't see how I could be any more scientific and rational in my approach. Is that what anxiety feels like? I wasn't feeling anxious about traveling - I had two good maps, I had traveled it before. This was so unexpected. Did you ever see "The Mothman Chronicles"? I'm just kidding but really, it was as if someone was saying, "You are getting very sleepy....your eyelids are getting very heavy,,,very heavy...
okay OKAY, I'm calling my pdoc!
OK well. This sounds like an anxiety attack - your existing anxieties amplified and you moved into panic and the panic really set in when the light went - this is why you felt disconnected and fuzzy because you were so worked up - it can happen and does happen in some circumstances - me, my brain locks up and I cannot think, cant form words and start shaking and sweating.
What you did was the right thing. Stopped and let yourself calm down somewhat.
What the headlights were doing is simply you had lost your thought processes and ability to focus and naturally the bright lights drew your focus, its a form of tunnel vision in effect and you can easily get hypnotised by something in a state like this.
Its important to listen to your inner mind, you had anxiety which was warning you before you set off - this is where you need to stop and relax and regroup, its pulling the anxiety up before it hits hard. Ive had to learn to stop and take a valium dose when I feel it coming on; not something you should be doing while driving of course.
Talk to your doctor about this, tell him how you felt and see if he can suggest anything natural or otherwise you can use to arrest a situation. BUt still the best thing is learning ways around the anxiety - a friend of mine has Post Traumatic Stress cause by the London bombings and when he gets anxious he has learned to change up - he might start looking at the colors of the cars around him or read store windows when he is walking, anything to change his thought patterns, hes amazed that it works with practice.
What you did was the right thing. Stopped and let yourself calm down somewhat.
What the headlights were doing is simply you had lost your thought processes and ability to focus and naturally the bright lights drew your focus, its a form of tunnel vision in effect and you can easily get hypnotised by something in a state like this.
Its important to listen to your inner mind, you had anxiety which was warning you before you set off - this is where you need to stop and relax and regroup, its pulling the anxiety up before it hits hard. Ive had to learn to stop and take a valium dose when I feel it coming on; not something you should be doing while driving of course.
Talk to your doctor about this, tell him how you felt and see if he can suggest anything natural or otherwise you can use to arrest a situation. BUt still the best thing is learning ways around the anxiety - a friend of mine has Post Traumatic Stress cause by the London bombings and when he gets anxious he has learned to change up - he might start looking at the colors of the cars around him or read store windows when he is walking, anything to change his thought patterns, hes amazed that it works with practice.
Dang it! This is not the first question I've stuck on this forum in surprise when I thought I was being allowed to stick it to Dr. Gould (so to speak) and he might take a professional stab at what the trouble is. I'm afraid I've already exhausted you good folk on the topic of the trusty meds I;ve been prescribed being worse than nothing for me so far and why and what to do. Sorry for the goof again.
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